I want to hear your negative side effects from quitting
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Ugh, that is frustrating, but as others have said I would lean toward the psychological side of things. I don't have a penis, but am a very enthusiastic female with a satisfying and active intimate life. However, since getting sober- this time, and other times- I do notice a drop in interest. I don't feel the need to share complete specifics, but my rapport with my boyfriend has generally been very regular no matter the circumstances. However, when detoxing from alcohol and attempting sobriety I find I have little interest and cannot even muster up the slightest enthusiasm if only for his pleasure, I just don't want to. And I've decided that that is ok. It is a time that my body and mind are adjusting and I have other things that are taking priority physically, mentally and spiritually. Making love encompasses all of those things and if the energy if placed elsewhere it is difficult to make it happen. For a female it might be more complex because we don't have one, general landmark to go off of- an erection- but rather a whole host of things. For a male, even though all of those things are there, or not there as the case may be, it is easier to make a concrete judgement based on the lack of erection.
I can understand your frustration, but I wouldn't let that stop you from reaching your goal. From experience I can tell you that making love sober is exceptionally more satisfying due to the genuine emotions and vulnerability.
It is worth waiting for.
Give it a little more time and if nothing changes see your doctor.
I can understand your frustration, but I wouldn't let that stop you from reaching your goal. From experience I can tell you that making love sober is exceptionally more satisfying due to the genuine emotions and vulnerability.
It is worth waiting for.
Give it a little more time and if nothing changes see your doctor.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 347
id say give it six months if the probelm persists go see a doctor. who knows how much some of us have damaged our bodies while using. ur latest news seems to be some form of hope it takes a while for the body to level out
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Houston TX
Posts: 94
Felt, give it some time. I'm about 2 months into quitting and I'm having the opposite problem. Absolutely nothing wrong with my libido, I feel great and playful. Meanwhile my wife still has a couple of mixed drinks, then two or three glasses of wine and fast asleep at 10p. Every night, worse on weekends. This is now an issue for me, but I haven't mentioned it to her yet, she has enough stress with work etc. Where does it end - who knows. I don't really want to tell her how to live her life and I am very reluctant to make an issue out of her drinking. I also don't see myself suddently becoming celibate. When we both were drinking our sex life was not an issue but now there is an imbalance.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: los angeles, ca
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso 
Ugh, that is frustrating, but as others have said I would lean toward the psychological side of things. I don't have a penis, but am a very enthusiastic female with a satisfying and active intimate life. However, since getting sober- this time, and other times- I do notice a drop in interest. I don't feel the need to share complete specifics, but my rapport with my boyfriend has generally been very regular no matter the circumstances. However, when detoxing from alcohol and attempting sobriety I find I have little interest and cannot even muster up the slightest enthusiasm if only for his pleasure, I just don't want to. And I've decided that that is ok. It is a time that my body and mind are adjusting and I have other things that are taking priority physically, mentally and spiritually. Making love encompasses all of those things and if the energy if placed elsewhere it is difficult to make it happen. For a female it might be more complex because we don't have one, general landmark to go off of- an erection- but rather a whole host of things. For a male, even though all of those things are there, or not there as the case may be, it is easier to make a concrete judgement based on the lack of erection.
I can understand your frustration, but I wouldn't let that stop you from reaching your goal. From experience I can tell you that making love sober is exceptionally more satisfying due to the genuine emotions and vulnerability.
It is worth waiting for.
Give it a little more time and if nothing changes see your doctor.
I can understand your frustration, but I wouldn't let that stop you from reaching your goal. From experience I can tell you that making love sober is exceptionally more satisfying due to the genuine emotions and vulnerability.
It is worth waiting for.
Give it a little more time and if nothing changes see your doctor.
making love sober is wonderful when you're in love thats for sure.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 41
Originally Posted by JoeinHouston
Felt, give it some time. I'm about 2 months into quitting and I'm having the opposite problem. Absolutely nothing wrong with my libido, I feel great and playful. Meanwhile my wife still has a couple of mixed drinks, then two or three glasses of wine and fast asleep at 10p. Every night, worse on weekends. This is now an issue for me, but I haven't mentioned it to her yet, she has enough stress with work etc. Where does it end - who knows. I don't really want to tell her how to live her life and I am very reluctant to make an issue out of her drinking. I also don't see myself suddently becoming celibate. When we both were drinking our sex life was not an issue but now there is an imbalance.
OP: I agree with others who say to give it a bit, and if the problem persists, see a doctor. Best wishes.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Be patient and do the work of recovery. This is temporary.
I went through a period of sexual challenges, lack of drive, lack of potency, upsetting performance....
Being patient and openly communicating with my lady was essential.... Helping prevent a cycle of challenging sexual interaction by assuring her (and myself) that this would pass.
I used therapy and self-help books in early recovery to look at my emotions and to explore my beliefs about myself and sex. It was a period of growth and healing and - though at times very frustrating and scary - it passed and things are very good now.
Hang in there and focus on the work of recovery, it'll be OK.
I went through a period of sexual challenges, lack of drive, lack of potency, upsetting performance....
Being patient and openly communicating with my lady was essential.... Helping prevent a cycle of challenging sexual interaction by assuring her (and myself) that this would pass.
I used therapy and self-help books in early recovery to look at my emotions and to explore my beliefs about myself and sex. It was a period of growth and healing and - though at times very frustrating and scary - it passed and things are very good now.
Hang in there and focus on the work of recovery, it'll be OK.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 97
Feltthefear - ED can be the canary in the coalmine for heart disease which is definitely one of the many fun biproducts of excessive alcohol. See a doc and get a full going over. Your functioning should return to normal but in the mean time there is no reason to suffer if getting an erection is that important to you. The doc can help you out with a few pills to bridge the gap. But, I agree with others on this post that have opined that wood is a low priority for you right now. Get your teeth checked and fixed. Get a full physical. Clean your place. Clean your car. Make a plan for staying sober. Big stuff first then we will worry about other things.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
The above is true and worth a trip to the doc.... But if this has coincided with stopping drinking, I'd be very confident that it is related to emotional / psychological factors.
Your brain is your largest sexual organ, and the one that alcohol has most-impacted.
Your brain is your largest sexual organ, and the one that alcohol has most-impacted.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 403
I had a very high drive during my last days. I thought it was all in my head until in IOP we watched a documentary about the stages.
The only negative effect, and maybe I'll get over it after time, is knowing that I can't control alcohol and therefore, cannot ever moderate. It's also a social lubricant that I will miss. There's something about meeting up with people, or going to functions, and having a glass of wine or two and feeling happier (even if it is temporary, even if it is a partial illusion).
The only negative effect, and maybe I'll get over it after time, is knowing that I can't control alcohol and therefore, cannot ever moderate. It's also a social lubricant that I will miss. There's something about meeting up with people, or going to functions, and having a glass of wine or two and feeling happier (even if it is temporary, even if it is a partial illusion).
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: los angeles, ca
Posts: 10
How do you all deal with the urge to drink when something goes wrong?
Im worried im going to lose my dream job because i seem to keep messing up my alarms (I wake up very early for work) my boss even bought me an alarm, i already had another hooked up to the wall and i set up my phone to go off.
my phone's ringer was set to low which set the alarm to low so i didnt hear that, the new alarm my boss got me was set but i forgot to flip the on switch and my last alarm wakes everyone on the block so i didnt set it.
it was a perfect storm and i didnt do enough to ensure i awoke so now i think im going to be fired.
all i can think of is going to get a giant beer and not worry about it all and its just 7:45.
;
Im worried im going to lose my dream job because i seem to keep messing up my alarms (I wake up very early for work) my boss even bought me an alarm, i already had another hooked up to the wall and i set up my phone to go off.
my phone's ringer was set to low which set the alarm to low so i didnt hear that, the new alarm my boss got me was set but i forgot to flip the on switch and my last alarm wakes everyone on the block so i didnt set it.
it was a perfect storm and i didnt do enough to ensure i awoke so now i think im going to be fired.
all i can think of is going to get a giant beer and not worry about it all and its just 7:45.
;
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 403
I have a pretty high stress life--as I've mentioned in other threads, I don't have the biggest support system. Even my husband thinks I made weak moral decisions re. drinking. Thankfully, I didn't do anything like cheat, drive drunk with kid, etc. The close relatives who have been told are judgmental and not at all happy I'm on the other side. They are happy, I guess, but they fixate on bringing up the "how could you" aspect. I hid a lot, a lot that I didn't think needed to be revealed to the younger people, and they have used it as ammo because they are angry. I get that, but that's why I wanted it a secret. They are mature enough to reason that this is a good thing, but they don't; they fixate on how wrong I was. I sometimes think if I would have died (and I did not want to at all), they would be singing a different tune. They have also been told a lot of the superfluous details which I think is utter bs. I don't know if they found these out by snooping into a phone, or my husband told them, or they overheard, but they have used these against me, too (the person I did the bender with ultimately told my husband she was watering my supply done and dumping. She was doing none of the above. Why and how the hell my kids know these details is maddening and unknown). sometimes the less you know, the better.
Information should be dispensed on a need to know basis, not because you (husband) owe it to some great morality to go around telling those you feel need to know.
Anyway, to your point, there have been a few high pressure situations in the last 6 or 7 weeks since I quit (my forced quit/hospital date was early July and I haven't kept track of days). Most of the fighting involves people reminding me of what a degenerate I was, even though I still managed to keep most of life together, work, and function. But now that everyone knows (those who count), it is constantly morphing into a fight and I feel there's very few times where people aren't referring to it, even if we are fighting about apples.
Anyway, these fights are high stress and not what someone in recovery needs. Every session I've been to states that those support people are not to act like that. They do, don't care, and usually I would have drunk when I'm that mad.
I did not drink. On the first big fight, I did drive toward the liquor store but I reasoned that it would be a cycle that would not stop. In other words, I would not find any happiness in it and would be immediately looking for the non-stop numb feeling. Believe me, I'm not a person of super strong will, but I was able to "play it to the end of the tape" as they said in IOP. in other words, yes, I would get numb, but then what? It would start again. In other quits, I hadn't reached the part where my energy was zapped and I was sick around the clock if I didn't push back a few shots. I have no doubt that this has helped me quit. During my other quits, I was like big deal, I didn't withdraw, I wasn't sick. In other words, the benefits of drinking outweighed the disadvantages. Not this time.
So, it's more, for me, incidentals that keep me sober. I wish I was of the higher mind and looked at this from an ethical or bigger perspective. My reasons for staying quit are mostly because of fear and knowing that it will lead to a sick body and mind. This is why I've written before on here that I kind of wish I wanted or could go drink when I'm very angry. Some primal fear keeps me away.
I hope you can find the reason to stay sober.
Good luck with the job. I would have been canned long ago. For me and my personality, sleep was the bane of my existence. I was hardly sleeping, only in 2 hour restless bits, sleep was fueled by a few shots to calm me down, but I was up early and often with insomnia. I felt like crap through the day, but had no problem waking up. On mornings I could sleep in, I hated life more because I'd STILL be up at the crack of dawn and I really wanted to avoid the day.
Information should be dispensed on a need to know basis, not because you (husband) owe it to some great morality to go around telling those you feel need to know.
Anyway, to your point, there have been a few high pressure situations in the last 6 or 7 weeks since I quit (my forced quit/hospital date was early July and I haven't kept track of days). Most of the fighting involves people reminding me of what a degenerate I was, even though I still managed to keep most of life together, work, and function. But now that everyone knows (those who count), it is constantly morphing into a fight and I feel there's very few times where people aren't referring to it, even if we are fighting about apples.
Anyway, these fights are high stress and not what someone in recovery needs. Every session I've been to states that those support people are not to act like that. They do, don't care, and usually I would have drunk when I'm that mad.
I did not drink. On the first big fight, I did drive toward the liquor store but I reasoned that it would be a cycle that would not stop. In other words, I would not find any happiness in it and would be immediately looking for the non-stop numb feeling. Believe me, I'm not a person of super strong will, but I was able to "play it to the end of the tape" as they said in IOP. in other words, yes, I would get numb, but then what? It would start again. In other quits, I hadn't reached the part where my energy was zapped and I was sick around the clock if I didn't push back a few shots. I have no doubt that this has helped me quit. During my other quits, I was like big deal, I didn't withdraw, I wasn't sick. In other words, the benefits of drinking outweighed the disadvantages. Not this time.
So, it's more, for me, incidentals that keep me sober. I wish I was of the higher mind and looked at this from an ethical or bigger perspective. My reasons for staying quit are mostly because of fear and knowing that it will lead to a sick body and mind. This is why I've written before on here that I kind of wish I wanted or could go drink when I'm very angry. Some primal fear keeps me away.
I hope you can find the reason to stay sober.
Good luck with the job. I would have been canned long ago. For me and my personality, sleep was the bane of my existence. I was hardly sleeping, only in 2 hour restless bits, sleep was fueled by a few shots to calm me down, but I was up early and often with insomnia. I felt like crap through the day, but had no problem waking up. On mornings I could sleep in, I hated life more because I'd STILL be up at the crack of dawn and I really wanted to avoid the day.
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
Feltthefear, a giant beer is so not going to help your situation!
You say you get up very early for work, are you going to bed early enough to allow for enough sleep?
When my schedule changed and I had to get up way earlier than I was used to, I had to do the math, how many hours do I reasonably need to sleep in order to be able to get up when my alarm goes off and function well throughout the day.
Let me tell you, I was surprised how early I needed to be in bed and asleep to get my 8 hours sleep in.
Another thing, I keep my alarm across the room, so I have to get out of bed to make it stop. I used to be famous for turning off the alarm next to me and rolling over and going back to sleep.
Please no giant beer!!!!
You say you get up very early for work, are you going to bed early enough to allow for enough sleep?
When my schedule changed and I had to get up way earlier than I was used to, I had to do the math, how many hours do I reasonably need to sleep in order to be able to get up when my alarm goes off and function well throughout the day.
Let me tell you, I was surprised how early I needed to be in bed and asleep to get my 8 hours sleep in.
Another thing, I keep my alarm across the room, so I have to get out of bed to make it stop. I used to be famous for turning off the alarm next to me and rolling over and going back to sleep.
Please no giant beer!!!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 64
I'm more irritable, I perform worse in the gym, I eat a lot more unhealthy stuff.
Sex drive is lower, but not gone and things work fine.
Sounds like a blood pressure thing to me - if all else fails, get your test levels measured.
On a different note;
Alcohol consumption in MODERATION can promote good health.
Sex drive is lower, but not gone and things work fine.
Sounds like a blood pressure thing to me - if all else fails, get your test levels measured.
On a different note;
Alcohol consumption in MODERATION can promote good health.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 403
I have periods of dry drunkenness. They wax and wane and depend on who is around and who is irritating me. I still short circuit to my reactions during my drunkenness and my responses are over the top. It becomes better, but some things just set me off, especially all this rhetoric over how "bad" I was, etc.
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