Had enough!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 11
Had enough!
This is my first post. I've looked on here for years, but just posting now. I'm absolutely fed up of promising myself I will quit, but never managing it. I drink 7 days a week. Mostly wine, but I don't discriminate. I wake up every single morning feeling ashamed and horrified with myself. Stand in the shower and promise myself it won't happen again. I bargain with God, myself..."this is the absolute last time". As soon as it gets to 6pm I just can't seem to say no.
I have gained masses of weight, feel permanently anxious and paranoid. Most days I daren't even leave the house. I feel like everyone is staring at me on the school run when it's just my paranoia.
I'm determined this time. NO MORE! It's destroying me and my family in so many ways and I know that sobriety is the absolutely last chance and only option for me right now.
Thanks for reading x
I have gained masses of weight, feel permanently anxious and paranoid. Most days I daren't even leave the house. I feel like everyone is staring at me on the school run when it's just my paranoia.
I'm determined this time. NO MORE! It's destroying me and my family in so many ways and I know that sobriety is the absolutely last chance and only option for me right now.
Thanks for reading x
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
You've said it "out loud" - now you can start to tackle it. Welcome to the posting side. I hope to see you posting more 
You don't mention how much you are drinking, but have you spoken to a doctor? That may be a first step.
When do you plan to quit? How about today?
You don't mention how much you are drinking, but have you spoken to a doctor? That may be a first step.
When do you plan to quit? How about today?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 11
Hi Anna, no concrete plan other than willpower at this stage. I went to my doctor 2.5 years ago and said I was worried about my drinking. She basically made me feel like utter c***. Looked down at me and chastised me like a child. I wasn't offered any help and left feeling ashamed and regretting having opened up. I had a full blood count done (including liver function) and it came back fine. I left it at that and just carried on. I know AA and GP is advised a lot on here, but after that experience I'm terrified of going back to my doctor and I have really bad social anxiety so I'm petrified at the notion of AA. Even thinking about stepping into a room full of people starts my heart racing...then my mind wanders to the inevitable "confidence-giver"...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by biminiblue 
You've said it "out loud" - now you can start to tackle it. Welcome to the posting side. I hope to see you posting more
You don't mention how much you are drinking, but have you spoken to a doctor? That may be a first step.
When do you plan to quit? How about today?
You don't mention how much you are drinking, but have you spoken to a doctor? That may be a first step.
When do you plan to quit? How about today?
Yes, today IS the day!
I alternate my consumption. Anything from 1 bottle to 2 bottles of wine. Although I have occasionally consumed even more.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by Ditchingthewine
Yes, today IS the day!
I alternate my consumption. Anything from 1 bottle to 2 bottles of wine. Although I have occasionally consumed even more.
I alternate my consumption. Anything from 1 bottle to 2 bottles of wine. Although I have occasionally consumed even more.
Expect some discomfort, but you can do this - just don't pick up a glass or bottle with alcohol in it. If you don't pick it up, it won't go in your mouth.
Congrats.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by biminiblue
Good for you! Take back your life. You are worth it.
Expect some discomfort, but you can do this - just don't pick up a glass or bottle with alcohol in it. If you don't pick it up, it won't go in your mouth.
Congrats.
Expect some discomfort, but you can do this - just don't pick up a glass or bottle with alcohol in it. If you don't pick it up, it won't go in your mouth.
Congrats.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,859
Welcome to SR, Ditching the wine.
Wine was my poison, too. The good news is that you can live without it and live well.
Welcome to Day 1. Even if you don't feel it (as bim said, there may be discomfort), it's where the magic begins.
Wine was my poison, too. The good news is that you can live without it and live well.
Welcome to Day 1. Even if you don't feel it (as bim said, there may be discomfort), it's where the magic begins.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by SoberLeigh
Welcome to SR, Ditching the wine.
Wine was my poison, too. The good news is that you can live without it and live well.
Welcome to Day 1. Even if you don't feel it (as bim said, there may be discomfort), it's where the magic begins.
Wine was my poison, too. The good news is that you can live without it and live well.
Welcome to Day 1. Even if you don't feel it (as bim said, there may be discomfort), it's where the magic begins.
Thank you for your kind and encouraging words. I absolutely love your final sentence "...it's where the magic begins". I am starting to feel that, I really am.
Got an evening of housework planned to distract me from zoning out on the sofa and craving the wine. The first few days are usually ok for me, but I don't think I've ever managed to not drink over a weekend, so the next few days should be challenging.
I'm going to give it ALL I've got and try not to listen to the evil little voice telling me I am able to moderate my drinking. I am NOT capable of this. I've tried - and failed - so many times that it's absolutely clear that I have a very serious problem.
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Welcome to SR, Ditchingthewine. Sobriety is a better way of life. I highly suggest joining and actively participating in the Class of August 2015 thread found on this same forum. It's a great way to learn from and help others who are also in early recovery. Wishing you the best today...check in often!
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Welcome to SR Ditching. I did your same routine for years and years. By the end, I was convincing myself it was ok to drink in the mornings and at work.
I never thought I could break the cycle or addiction. This community has helped me and now I'm just over a year sober.
You can do this. It is tough work and you have to dig deep, but your life and happiness depend on it. Trust me, the outcome is so worth the effort you will put into not drinking.
Make this change for you, you deserve it and can get your life back. There are plenty of people here that have done it, now it's your turn.
Welcome
I never thought I could break the cycle or addiction. This community has helped me and now I'm just over a year sober.
You can do this. It is tough work and you have to dig deep, but your life and happiness depend on it. Trust me, the outcome is so worth the effort you will put into not drinking.
Make this change for you, you deserve it and can get your life back. There are plenty of people here that have done it, now it's your turn.
Welcome
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by ccam1973
Welcome to SR Ditching. I did your same routine for years and years. By the end, I was convincing myself it was ok to drink in the mornings and at work.
I never thought I could break the cycle or addiction. This community has helped me and now I'm just over a year sober.
You can do this. It is tough work and you have to dig deep, but your life and happiness depend on it. Trust me, the outcome is so worth the effort you will put into not drinking.
Make this change for you, you deserve it and can get your life back. There are plenty of people here that have done it, now it's your turn.
Welcome
I never thought I could break the cycle or addiction. This community has helped me and now I'm just over a year sober.
You can do this. It is tough work and you have to dig deep, but your life and happiness depend on it. Trust me, the outcome is so worth the effort you will put into not drinking.
Make this change for you, you deserve it and can get your life back. There are plenty of people here that have done it, now it's your turn.
Welcome
I'm realistic about the fact this is going to be an immense uphill struggle, but it's one I'm 100% ready for.
I quit smoking 10 years ago. I remember the turning point when I decided "this is finally it, I have to quit". I had tried many times before, but failed. I knew the time had come when I was no longer able to actually enjoy smoking. Every cigarette that I put between my lips made me imagine lung cancer and a horrible, painful death. I decided there was just no point anymore - I'm a worrier, always have been. I think this is why it's easy for me to become dependant on methods of escapism.
Alcohol no longer holds any genuine pleasure for me. My evil little AV tries to tell me it does, but it actually doesn't. One is never, ever enough and my tolerance has also increased to mammoth quantities. In short, I've known for a while that alcohol is killing me; both mentally and physically.
I am going to fight this with every single fibre of my being. I'm going to keep checking back in here and gaining strength.
Love and sober vibes to you all x
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Glad to meet you, Ditching. We're in this together & you can do it!
I felt the same when I quit - I was disgusted with myself, exhausted. There was nothing in it for me anymore - it was no longer fun or relaxing - just miserable. You will get your life back.
We're in this together & you can do it!I felt the same when I quit - I was disgusted with myself, exhausted. There was nothing in it for me anymore - it was no longer fun or relaxing - just miserable. You will get your life back.
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