A totally different person
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 654
A totally different person
This is something I have never been able to explain to people who have not experienced it. It sounds like excuses.
Does anyone else feel like the blackout drunk you seems like an entirely different person. As though you just checked out for a few hours and some beast took over. I have never managed to hear or piece together a single thing about me that way that resembles me at all. Not my real thoughts or feelings or nature.
I think when you try to explain people think of that more typical drunk stage. The one where your still you, a really stupid version of you that makes bad decisions, but still very much recognizable as you. Only when your at a point your regularly hitting blackout does this other you, this monster bent on destruction apparently, emerge. For me this is the case anyway. I can remember and understand just drunk me completely. Blackout drunk me really does feel like someone else took the wheel and rode my body about for a few hours.
Just wondered if I am alone in feeling this way and the fact it is impossible to explain. Not saying things I did in that state are not my responsibility cause I poured the drink in that let her out. Just that so many have this odd notion of your true nature coming out when drunk and its balls. Perhaps at the just drunk and stupid stage it is true. At blackout there seems to be no ability to think, none of the bits of your brain that make you, you are still firing I think. There is no truth in that person.
Does anyone else feel like the blackout drunk you seems like an entirely different person. As though you just checked out for a few hours and some beast took over. I have never managed to hear or piece together a single thing about me that way that resembles me at all. Not my real thoughts or feelings or nature.
I think when you try to explain people think of that more typical drunk stage. The one where your still you, a really stupid version of you that makes bad decisions, but still very much recognizable as you. Only when your at a point your regularly hitting blackout does this other you, this monster bent on destruction apparently, emerge. For me this is the case anyway. I can remember and understand just drunk me completely. Blackout drunk me really does feel like someone else took the wheel and rode my body about for a few hours.
Just wondered if I am alone in feeling this way and the fact it is impossible to explain. Not saying things I did in that state are not my responsibility cause I poured the drink in that let her out. Just that so many have this odd notion of your true nature coming out when drunk and its balls. Perhaps at the just drunk and stupid stage it is true. At blackout there seems to be no ability to think, none of the bits of your brain that make you, you are still firing I think. There is no truth in that person.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Norway
Posts: 194
I've spent many days investigating last night's (un)doings of this drunk maniac that apparently was me. Discovered things I don't identify with at all. It's like my primitive reptilian brain took over and I acted like a cavewoman.
Great motivation for staying sober. No more "What..?? I did what..?!"s.
Great motivation for staying sober. No more "What..?? I did what..?!"s.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,074
Oh god yes... i have turned into a complete psycho (well almost) and it is very very scary. I so relate to having being taken over almost like a demon or something evil. That part of my drinking scared me the most and actually sitting here having a crap day on 3 weeks sober its reminded me why I cant drink ever again.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,074
I noticed this kind of demonish drunk behaviour ALWAYS coincided in the days before my period. I saw a pattern... id even avoid drinking if I knew I would be in company of others and I was due on, as I would be so so scared it would happen again.
Gl@ss Artist & Cat Lady
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Posts: 880
Me too. Most of the time it was harmless stuff. The next morning I would go see what I posted on Facebook or what stupid emails I sent out. Stuff I never remembered doing. But then there were a few times when things were not so harmless for which I am sorry for and will never do again. Like backing my car into a telephone pole. I didn't know what I hit the next morning. Driving! Ugh! NEVER NEVER EVER EVER AGAIN.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
This is a topic that comes up here once in a while, not surprisingly.
I've experienced blackouts countless times, with varied levels of memory afterward. For me, I would say superficially observing and experiencing, it might seem/feel like a different person. Maybe from the outside, for an observer that does not know me very well, it would have appeared just like that. But in fact, it reminds me of how, for example, Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde are the same one person in the story, one being the "manifestation" of the other in a drug-induced state of consciousness and being. I've done some quite extensive digging into this (my motivations, feelings and behavior drunk vs sober) and I can't say they come from two different entities, much more clearly from the same person, the drunk one without many of the defenses and inhibitions sober me normally possesses and displays, but also the other way around. So for me, these feel more what they literally are: different mental states and resulting behaviors. I am certainly a more responsible and disciplined person sober and that's what I also strive to be, but sometimes I clearly detect the roots, motives, and impulses of the exaggerated and twisted feelings and actions I experienced drunk, in my sober state. Some people say that I have analyzed all this too much, but for me it does not feel "too much", more that I understand the reality of it better and it helps me make better decisions when it comes to sober actions.
I've experienced blackouts countless times, with varied levels of memory afterward. For me, I would say superficially observing and experiencing, it might seem/feel like a different person. Maybe from the outside, for an observer that does not know me very well, it would have appeared just like that. But in fact, it reminds me of how, for example, Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde are the same one person in the story, one being the "manifestation" of the other in a drug-induced state of consciousness and being. I've done some quite extensive digging into this (my motivations, feelings and behavior drunk vs sober) and I can't say they come from two different entities, much more clearly from the same person, the drunk one without many of the defenses and inhibitions sober me normally possesses and displays, but also the other way around. So for me, these feel more what they literally are: different mental states and resulting behaviors. I am certainly a more responsible and disciplined person sober and that's what I also strive to be, but sometimes I clearly detect the roots, motives, and impulses of the exaggerated and twisted feelings and actions I experienced drunk, in my sober state. Some people say that I have analyzed all this too much, but for me it does not feel "too much", more that I understand the reality of it better and it helps me make better decisions when it comes to sober actions.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 654
I understand and it is at the end of the day our own brain just very drunk. I still can't find anything that makes sense about the behavior those times though. I could not even begin to explain some thing's I have said and done as they are so removed from how I normally think.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Hi DD!
When I quit I mentioned to a loved one that I really never blacked out. They looked at me in amazement. Really?!!?
Apparently entire conversations where gone.......
That's a scary proposition to loose that time and have no recollection other than other people telling you or scat lying around as evidence of a late night out of body experience.
I have friends say some of these episodes come back to them years down the road. For me I just have to be grateful I made it thru the gauntlet relatively unscathed, perhaps.
It's a good thread and a message of what may lay in the future for others who read it.......
Thanks for the post DD -
Glad we're all on this journey together!
When I quit I mentioned to a loved one that I really never blacked out. They looked at me in amazement. Really?!!?
Apparently entire conversations where gone.......
That's a scary proposition to loose that time and have no recollection other than other people telling you or scat lying around as evidence of a late night out of body experience.
I have friends say some of these episodes come back to them years down the road. For me I just have to be grateful I made it thru the gauntlet relatively unscathed, perhaps.
It's a good thread and a message of what may lay in the future for others who read it.......
Thanks for the post DD -
Glad we're all on this journey together!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 654
Perhaps the more messed up the drink makes you and your life the more crazy drunk you becomes? It just does not happen in reverse. I do know now that life settling for a time doesn't reduce the crazy drunk side. I often thought after a break from drinking and a time of things being more settled it couldn't happen but if anything it seemed mad at having been locked down so long. That always just gets worse. The only way is to never ever let it happen.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Chicago
Posts: 157
I turn into an absolute as*hole + embarrassingly over-emotional when I'm at that blackout point. Ugghhh. It's so gross.
I'm glad to know it's in my hands, in MY CONTROL to ensure it never has to happen again.
I'm glad to know it's in my hands, in MY CONTROL to ensure it never has to happen again.
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