Breaking the chain
 

Drug addiction ran wild in my family but alcohol did not. I do not take drugs but I'm an alcoholic (no need to split hairs here). My parents never took the time to share the dangers of drugs or alcohol before they prematurely passed on.

I have a 14-year-old daughter, I've been divorced for 11 years. My ex and I have a good relationship and she is clean. While my daughter and my ex have an idea that I drink a lot (or did drink a lot), they have no idea to the extent of the real problem. I'm not ready to have that discussion with my daughter yet but at what age would be a good time to have a heart-to-heart discussion with my daughter in hopes of breaking the chain?

Just a suggestion ... start praying now for God to open the opportunity ... God specializes in BREAKING CHAINS.

RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE ... and I PRAY for YOU and your DAUGHTER to Be 2 :c016:

The Best Age?...
 

...14

DD

:a043:

Hi Savior, perhaps when the opportunity arises, which it will at one point. Be ready with any answers if she may start asking about her grandparents, it could be an opening for your conversation.

I don't know much about children but if your relationship with you ex is good, why not discuss the matter with her? Maybe she can help you decide when is the right time.

When you are ready.

My eldest neice knows im alcoholic she is 21 we have had the odd conversation about it but i only talk if she mentions it as i know it is difficult for her as all of her aunts and uncles are in recovery

She has asked what are the chances of it happening to me before and i told her there is genetic evidence but really it can happen to anyone i always say be careful etc i dont try to put it on her but if she asks i try to do my best with what i know

Hi Savior, I am 56 years old and still remember vividly the first time I got drunk. I stumbled by a restaurant and right in front of the windows, in full view of patrons eating their dinner, I sat down on the sidewalk and puked my guts out.

I thought I had the best time and couldn't wait to do it again.

I was 14 years old.

So I don't think this conversation can come too soon.

:grouphug:

No good advice but I wanted to say it is good that you are thinking this through.

There would have been nothing I could have said to my step-daughter (whose mother was an alcoholic) - while I was still in the problem.

By the age of 14, unless she has been raised in the deepest jungle, she has heard plenty about the dangers of drug/alcohol abuse. And possibly knows some teens her age who have suffered consequences of use/addiction. Maybe even watched "Intervention" on TV?

What do I have to offer, today, even to those who have not begun to medicate their soul misery? Spiritual principles that address the underlying spiritual misery of any addiction/self-destructive behavior.

I don't know what is prompting your desire to talk with her about alcoholism...but I wonder if it could have something to do with the burden of being an 'imposter', and wanting to be seen in 'true form'? To find for yourself 'permission' to be openly alcoholic around her? Hiding is a burden in itself.

I could be way off base by mentioning motives I once had, but I am quite certain that your motives for desiring to speak to her are not pure ones. And likely have very little to do with helping her. A good example (you in recovery, for instance) might carry a bit more weight than "don't do as I am doing".

"The motives I tell after an action are often very different from the real ones that prompted the action in the first place." (And, oh, how I defended my "after-motives" when they were questioned.)

Another truism is that we are seldom prompted to accept help before a crisis is in play. The key for most of us alkies is that the desperation made us 'teachable'. I finally became willing to say, "My way isn't working; I'll do it your way, as you have something I want/have something I haven't tried...to get out of this mess."

If you found inner peace for yourself, and knew how you found it...you'd have something invaluable to pass on to your daughter when she was ready to ask..."how did you change? what makes you different now? why do I keep doing this same behavior over and over when I don't want to do it?"

There are countless.....countless.......recovered alcoholics who had children in sobriety who never saw them drunk. And yet, the children became addicted in some form. For me, today, the problem isn't the 'alcoholic gene', but "spiritual genetics". It is the soul misery that is passed on - alcohol is but a 'remedy' turned to for the inner pain.

There IS a Solution. I found It in AA.

All the best to you and yours,

PJ
dos 8/98

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the Light gets in.

Leonard Cohen lyrics, "Anthem"

When the right opportunity arises you'll probably know that it's time to have that conversation!! :)