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Two Weeks

Old 08-12-2015, 02:20 PM
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Two Weeks

It has been two weeks since my much-loved Grandmother passed away. It was extremely sudden. I am still struggling. I am not sure what to do. My work contract ends at the end of August as well so I will be unemployed again. I am trying to come to terms with everything. I will miss my job and I made some great friends. I am sending out CVs etc.

To be honest, I am just fed up.

Last year, when I was unemployed, I got in touch with a local charity and I was giving volunteer English lessons to this guy. Our sessions were weekly, for about 5 months and ended just before Christmas because I was busy with my family, and he had done the exam and passed it so that was fine. However, we kept in touch and he would e-mail me from time to time. He kept asking me out for dinner as a "thank you" and I kept turning him down. I considered him a pupil/friend and nothing more. However he asked me for a coffee one evening about a month ago and I was at a bit of a loose end so I agreed. We went for a coffee and to the cinema and I went home. That's it. Nothing more.

Now he has asked me to marry him out of the blue. Sent me a message saying he loves me, that his visa is up at the end of the year and he loves me and blah blah blah. Look, I may be shy and quiet, but I am so so angry at this. I went out of my way to be nice and helpful and I get all this rubbish in return. I thought I was being a good person and I get used and taken for a ride.

I am raging actually. Probably thought "I will tell her I love her and she will fall for it because she is so quiet". He actually told me that I am quiet.

I am just so angry at everything. Why should I bother being nice and helpful to anyone when people are just out for what they can get from you?

On a different note, no I am not going to drink.

I feel tired and sad and sick and angry but I will honour my Granny's memory by staying sober.
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Old 08-12-2015, 02:37 PM
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Tetra, some girls would fall for that, so pat yourself on the back for being smarter than to fall for his scam. Being nice to him wasn't a crime, it was the right thing to do. Now he's shown his true colors and you can delete him from your life if that's what you choose. You can't blame the guy for trying! You'd be a great catch.

The thing with your grandmother is going to take time. I don't know if it ever goes away completely. She would want you to be happy and to remember her fondly, but not to let it interfere with your life.

The job thing - you will get rave reviews from your current employer! You've done a really good job.

Have you asked them to find you a permanent position when the contract is up? I would ask.
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Old 08-12-2015, 02:48 PM
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Yes well done for being on the ball Tetra - maybe put out some warnings about him on social media?

It happened to a friend of my oldest daughter who also cottoned on to what he was up to straight away (I think she borrowed his car and racked up a lot of speeding fines)

Like Bim says the teaching was a good thing to do and you have great references so you sound eminently employable

I'm sure your grandmother wouldn't want you to be downhearted for ever either

Hope you feel better soon
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Old 08-12-2015, 02:53 PM
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Tetra - there is another way to think of it. Not the man. Ignore him. But your Granny.

I still have my grandma - she is 98 and I am 41. My daughter knows her and she is 5 years old.

We - me and you - are so lucky to have grandma's still.
I know you are younger than me, but there are not many people I know that have grandparents left.

How fabulous that we remember our grandparents too - many people have vague memories of them from when they were very young children or babies.
They have to rely on photo's to remember what they looked like.
They don't have the strong memories we have and the lessons we learnt from these women.

I am happy that I can discuss things about my Grandma with my parents that make us laugh or remember her fondly.
I can make her secret soup recipe thank goodness!
If it thunders, i smile and think will she be hiding under bed as she hated thunder?

When your grandma died, she saw you in such a good, strong place Tetra.
Working, sober, you being a responsible person.
I bet you made her smile a lot over the place you got yourself to.

Its hard. You will miss her. However you have lots to cherish from the time you spent as an adult with her.

The job bit is hard too. I am going through that at the moment.
However, the world does not end without a job.
Mine hasn't.
I've learnt to live on not much money - thats a skill.

Its all experience and life lessons for the next job, or the next part of your life.

Keep going, keep being strong minded and willed.
Remember that your gran is probably watching out for you still.

Try and enjoy the break from work until a new job comes along.
Maybe go see somewhere you have always wanted to see.
Be inventive about making cash - more tutoring maybe?

Wishing you the best xx
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Old 08-12-2015, 03:30 PM
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Hang in there Tetra!!
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Old 08-13-2015, 10:56 AM
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Congrats on 2 weeks Tetra
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Old 08-13-2015, 03:07 PM
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I think grief takes time Tetra. I wouldn;t expect you to have dealt with this in a fortnight.

All the other work stuff? you've negotiated getting new jobs before and I'm sure you will again - I have faith in you

and yeah forget Visa guy
D
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Old 08-13-2015, 03:22 PM
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Visa guy is a joke for sure. You, however, are awesome Life has challenges and you are rocking on staying sober....much respect for you
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Old 08-13-2015, 08:37 PM
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Hi tetra! It will take time to heal after your grandmothers death. Maybe instead of feeling sad when you have a sudden thought of what she would do or say, think of it as a gift reminding you that she's still there? I was thinking of my two grandmothers, both deceased, the other day and was racking my brain for things I vividly remembered of them and was drawing blanks. So fuzzy and that made me really sad.

You're doing really well. Hang in there. Visa guy? You did the right thing tutoring. Don't let his subsequent behavior take away from that. Tutoring him got you out of the house, kept you busy, got you out of yourself, increased your confidence and skills. You made a difference. Is he out of line now? Yes. However, you did the right thing initially AND you didn't fall for it afterwards. Yay!

Hang in there.
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Old 08-14-2015, 01:45 AM
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Tetra i dont know why but i thought you were 2 weeks sober i can only deeply apoligise for any unintentional hurt caused

Really sorry Tetra
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