Hello everybody, Hope I succeed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 148
Hello everybody, Hope I succeed
Hello, its a bit of a long story, but I need to get it off my chest so in advance thanks for reading.
Btw iam not trying to complain or look for attention, I rarlt visit forums or post anything about myaelf on the internet.
Iam 24 yr old fit , strong and healthy male iam not bragging but iam considered not bad looking and I go to the gym . generally a nice guy, abit of a soft character ,can be quite shy at times , and can't seem to get off the low confidence band wagon. Surprisingly iam not to bad with the ladies I must admit, but once they figure out iam a soft guy with low self confidence i get dropped.
Basically I have been binge drinking for 10 years now, after a normal days work (construction) I sit at home and down either 3 litres of beer, or a bottle of wine every weeknight. But on the weekends I drink myself stupid with 24 bottles of beer, and the cycle repeats itself...obviously this is not a healthy way to go.
My support group consists of my family (who are also struggling alcoholics) we are all very nice people and a good family.. We just like to drink, alot. Mum, dad, grandad, uncle. Also we are a Russian family (explains alot)
And unfortunately I have 0 personal friends, I have a hard time understanding friendships and social protocols (I admit iam a selfish person , this doesn't help making friends)
Basically I have dreams , I want a successful business , and a family of my own..but this is starting to slip away as I guzzle down beer after beer. , alone in the kitchen.
I have been to many "activity meetups" in the past, unfortunately people always seem to look at me like iam some sort of outcast, perhaps they can sense this tall muscular guy speaking softly has low self confidence, and it weirds them out. I've learnt to stop caring , but the depression doesn't go away from always being looked at as strange.
I guess you could say i have always been rejected by peers all my life , I find I take rejection very personally, i got buillied alot at all schools and had huge anxiety from watching my parents guzzle booze and the effect s it had on our family.
So my shyness, anxiety and lack of self worth seeps out, so I avoid socializeing and just withdraw at home and just drink because I have nothing to do and its a escape.
I basically feel like the world all my life has told me "your a looser" and i feel programed to only know that plus its compounded when ppl just look at me strange, I believe iam a looser so much that the looks reinforce it.
Yesterday was a low point for me, overcome by sheer sadness (that I get from time to time) I just sat in the kitchen and drank two litres of beer and 3 bottles of wine, just sitting there, looking at the wall. I must admit my head is soar today.
I believe my confidence will restore, my shyness will go away my social skills will pick up and the feeling of utter worthlesness will go away if I kick the bottle.
But how can I do that if I have 10 years of drinking sucking me in? And life is so engraved with drinking?
Today iam %100 set on quitting, but Tomorrow as I walk past the store, I know I will be ok with getting some beers "one last time" ..that mental shift is the difficult part
Thanks for reading, I really appreciate it.
Btw iam not trying to complain or look for attention, I rarlt visit forums or post anything about myaelf on the internet.
Iam 24 yr old fit , strong and healthy male iam not bragging but iam considered not bad looking and I go to the gym . generally a nice guy, abit of a soft character ,can be quite shy at times , and can't seem to get off the low confidence band wagon. Surprisingly iam not to bad with the ladies I must admit, but once they figure out iam a soft guy with low self confidence i get dropped.
Basically I have been binge drinking for 10 years now, after a normal days work (construction) I sit at home and down either 3 litres of beer, or a bottle of wine every weeknight. But on the weekends I drink myself stupid with 24 bottles of beer, and the cycle repeats itself...obviously this is not a healthy way to go.
My support group consists of my family (who are also struggling alcoholics) we are all very nice people and a good family.. We just like to drink, alot. Mum, dad, grandad, uncle. Also we are a Russian family (explains alot)
And unfortunately I have 0 personal friends, I have a hard time understanding friendships and social protocols (I admit iam a selfish person , this doesn't help making friends)
Basically I have dreams , I want a successful business , and a family of my own..but this is starting to slip away as I guzzle down beer after beer. , alone in the kitchen.
I have been to many "activity meetups" in the past, unfortunately people always seem to look at me like iam some sort of outcast, perhaps they can sense this tall muscular guy speaking softly has low self confidence, and it weirds them out. I've learnt to stop caring , but the depression doesn't go away from always being looked at as strange.
I guess you could say i have always been rejected by peers all my life , I find I take rejection very personally, i got buillied alot at all schools and had huge anxiety from watching my parents guzzle booze and the effect s it had on our family.
So my shyness, anxiety and lack of self worth seeps out, so I avoid socializeing and just withdraw at home and just drink because I have nothing to do and its a escape.
I basically feel like the world all my life has told me "your a looser" and i feel programed to only know that plus its compounded when ppl just look at me strange, I believe iam a looser so much that the looks reinforce it.
Yesterday was a low point for me, overcome by sheer sadness (that I get from time to time) I just sat in the kitchen and drank two litres of beer and 3 bottles of wine, just sitting there, looking at the wall. I must admit my head is soar today.
I believe my confidence will restore, my shyness will go away my social skills will pick up and the feeling of utter worthlesness will go away if I kick the bottle.
But how can I do that if I have 10 years of drinking sucking me in? And life is so engraved with drinking?
Today iam %100 set on quitting, but Tomorrow as I walk past the store, I know I will be ok with getting some beers "one last time" ..that mental shift is the difficult part
Thanks for reading, I really appreciate it.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Botswana
Posts: 384
Hello Madruski,
I'm shy and sensitive, low self-esteem and not one for posting on internet forums either.
At least I was until a couple of months ago when I came here, and posted a " this has to stop, but how on earth can I do it ? " type post like yours.
The good news is you can stop - there are all sorts of methods and techniques which can help, but the main one is to share and get support from others who are facing up to the same situation as you. You will find there are lots of us about. This truly is a great community where you will find tons of support and zero judgement.
Thank you for posting here, it takes courage - you will certainly inspire someone else to do the same and start their journey.
You are 24 and have a lifetime of sobriety ahead of you. You can do this.
I wish you well
Fradley
I'm shy and sensitive, low self-esteem and not one for posting on internet forums either.
At least I was until a couple of months ago when I came here, and posted a " this has to stop, but how on earth can I do it ? " type post like yours.
The good news is you can stop - there are all sorts of methods and techniques which can help, but the main one is to share and get support from others who are facing up to the same situation as you. You will find there are lots of us about. This truly is a great community where you will find tons of support and zero judgement.
Thank you for posting here, it takes courage - you will certainly inspire someone else to do the same and start their journey.
You are 24 and have a lifetime of sobriety ahead of you. You can do this.
I wish you well
Fradley
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Madruski,
From what little i know, quitting from that level of intake could be dangerous.
Be careful, see a doc.
Regarding your family and friends. I totally relate.
I searched for a good woman. Got lucky. She was hard to find because all the good ones get taken fast. But, somebody messed up and let mine go.
See you online.
From what little i know, quitting from that level of intake could be dangerous.
Be careful, see a doc.
Regarding your family and friends. I totally relate.
I searched for a good woman. Got lucky. She was hard to find because all the good ones get taken fast. But, somebody messed up and let mine go.
See you online.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 654
You can do it. As advised it may be best to see the Dr. Especially going from a high amount.
Tomorrow is never a better time than right now to just say no. I don't need this in my life. The longer you drink the worse it gets.
Tomorrow is never a better time than right now to just say no. I don't need this in my life. The longer you drink the worse it gets.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 148
Thanks for the replys . When said I don't post much on forums it not because of the shyness, its more to say I don't ask for help much, or just share my issues because, at the end of the day we all have it hard some point in our lives.
you are correct about the community, I have browsed through and got a sense of relief that iam actually not the only one and its good that people are positive. Iam a type of person who does not complain (I suppose the construction mentality has taught me this) and ive realised its OK to admit your struggling but I find the key trap we all get stuck into is - we like to bath in our own missery. When I start to catch myself "bathing" I automatically walk a little faster, work a little harder , or make a fresh pplan for the day to distract and not wallow.
But I drink even when iam happy :/ so its obviously a hobbie.
you are correct about the community, I have browsed through and got a sense of relief that iam actually not the only one and its good that people are positive. Iam a type of person who does not complain (I suppose the construction mentality has taught me this) and ive realised its OK to admit your struggling but I find the key trap we all get stuck into is - we like to bath in our own missery. When I start to catch myself "bathing" I automatically walk a little faster, work a little harder , or make a fresh pplan for the day to distract and not wallow.
But I drink even when iam happy :/ so its obviously a hobbie.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,087
Welcome to SR Madruski. 
Awww, so you're like one of those big teddy bears? Large & rough on the outside, but soft on the inside? I've known a few guys like you. Outside appearance and they intimidate you, but get to know them, and they're some of the nicest people to ever meet. Girls should love you, if you find the right one -- strong man with good heart? Perfect combo.
Anyway, welcome again to SR. Hope you stick around, and continue to post.
Awww, so you're like one of those big teddy bears? Large & rough on the outside, but soft on the inside? I've known a few guys like you. Outside appearance and they intimidate you, but get to know them, and they're some of the nicest people to ever meet. Girls should love you, if you find the right one -- strong man with good heart? Perfect combo.
Anyway, welcome again to SR. Hope you stick around, and continue to post.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
"But how can I do that if I have 10 years of drinking sucking me in?"
Most of us need resolve that sticks with us every day for life for recovery as we find the AV is present always even though it doesn’t seem active.
My experience was to WANT to stop drinking and to get honest with myself about my drinking showing the history of never getting better. Then I needed to accept the fact that I can’t drink in safety one day at a time in a row in safety.
Then came the wordS a lot don’t like, WORK and CHANGE. With the alcohol gone we need to fill the void on a daily basis with healthy mental processes along with emotional growth as alcohol has cut back on much of our maturity level.
That’s a start and it will get better and better if we let it.
BE WELL
"But how can I do that if I have 10 years of drinking sucking me in?"
Most of us need resolve that sticks with us every day for life for recovery as we find the AV is present always even though it doesn’t seem active.
My experience was to WANT to stop drinking and to get honest with myself about my drinking showing the history of never getting better. Then I needed to accept the fact that I can’t drink in safety one day at a time in a row in safety.
Then came the wordS a lot don’t like, WORK and CHANGE. With the alcohol gone we need to fill the void on a daily basis with healthy mental processes along with emotional growth as alcohol has cut back on much of our maturity level.
That’s a start and it will get better and better if we let it.
BE WELL
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 148
Originally Posted by BlissWithin 
Hello Madruski, welcome to SR! Do you have a recovery plan?
Tonight I want to keep myself busy by writing something out
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,431
Hi Madruski
you need to have faith that things can change...and the first step in that change is putting the bottle down and keeping it down.
Sober, you have every chance in the world of attaining or even surpassing your wildest dreams...
drinking, you really have no chance at all.
D
you need to have faith that things can change...and the first step in that change is putting the bottle down and keeping it down.
Sober, you have every chance in the world of attaining or even surpassing your wildest dreams...
drinking, you really have no chance at all.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 148
Originally Posted by TroyW
Welcome to SR Madruski.
Awww, so you're like one of those big teddy bears? Large & rough on the outside, but soft on the inside? I've known a few guys like you. Outside appearance and they intimidate you, but get to know them, and they're some of the nicest people to ever meet. Girls should love you, if you find the right one -- strong man with good heart? Perfect combo.
Awww, so you're like one of those big teddy bears? Large & rough on the outside, but soft on the inside? I've known a few guys like you. Outside appearance and they intimidate you, but get to know them, and they're some of the nicest people to ever meet. Girls should love you, if you find the right one -- strong man with good heart? Perfect combo.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 148
Originally Posted by Dee74
Hi Madruski
you need to have faith that things can change...and the first step in that change is putting the bottle down and keeping it down.
Sober, you have every chance in the world of attaining or even surpassing your wildest dreams...
drinking, you really have no chance at all.
D
you need to have faith that things can change...and the first step in that change is putting the bottle down and keeping it down.
Sober, you have every chance in the world of attaining or even surpassing your wildest dreams...
drinking, you really have no chance at all.
D
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