Not myself
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Join Date: May 2015
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Not myself
I've got three weeks under my belt today and I'm still struggling with roller coaster emotions, but I'm okay with that. I know it's normal in early sobriety and I'm getting through it.
Yesterday and today I had some strange feelings of not recognizing myself. I seem to be a different person than I was when I was drinking. A lot of my life was wrapped up in planning my drinking, sneaking drinking, and recovering from the hangovers. Even though I wasn't a daily drinker, it was still a big part of my life and my identity. Now there's just me. I have a child, a good job, friends, etc., but there's a hole. Don't get me wrong, I don't miss it. It's just feeling so different from myself that is disconcerting.
Another weird thing is that I'm having almost no cravings. I am doing everything I can think of to keep them at bay (I've practically turned my whole life upside down to avoid triggers), but I still think it's odd. Did anyone else have very little cravings in early sobriety? Did they come back later on?
Any thoughts or your own experiences are always welcome and appreciated.
Staying hopeful,
Delfin
Yesterday and today I had some strange feelings of not recognizing myself. I seem to be a different person than I was when I was drinking. A lot of my life was wrapped up in planning my drinking, sneaking drinking, and recovering from the hangovers. Even though I wasn't a daily drinker, it was still a big part of my life and my identity. Now there's just me. I have a child, a good job, friends, etc., but there's a hole. Don't get me wrong, I don't miss it. It's just feeling so different from myself that is disconcerting.
Another weird thing is that I'm having almost no cravings. I am doing everything I can think of to keep them at bay (I've practically turned my whole life upside down to avoid triggers), but I still think it's odd. Did anyone else have very little cravings in early sobriety? Did they come back later on?
Any thoughts or your own experiences are always welcome and appreciated.
Staying hopeful,
Delfin
love is the answer
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 1,352
(Delfin)
Didn't want to let your post drift by without comment.
I had very few cravings and the ones I did have were all non-physical. I guess I quit before physical dependence.
And I identify with those feelings of not recognising yourself. Life in sobriety, and in particular how you feel about yourself, can be and often is hugely different to life in active addiction.
Wishing you well.
Didn't want to let your post drift by without comment.
I had very few cravings and the ones I did have were all non-physical. I guess I quit before physical dependence.
And I identify with those feelings of not recognising yourself. Life in sobriety, and in particular how you feel about yourself, can be and often is hugely different to life in active addiction.
Wishing you well.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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It's not too uncommon to have feelings of depersonalisation early in recovery.
Anxiety Panic Hub Assistance for people with an Anxiety Disorder - Derealisation
While I wouldn't say I had depersonalisation, I did define myself by my drinking for years...it took a little time for me to work out who 'me' was.
I did work it out tho, and I really like who I am now
D
Anxiety Panic Hub Assistance for people with an Anxiety Disorder - Derealisation
While I wouldn't say I had depersonalisation, I did define myself by my drinking for years...it took a little time for me to work out who 'me' was.
I did work it out tho, and I really like who I am now
D
love is the answer
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 1,352
Honey, I still don't. But I can tell you I feel about a hundred times better now than I did in the early days and a thousand times better than I ever did when I was drinking. But I only have (almost) 5 months under my belt. I trust those here with longer stretches who say it only gets better.
Keep at it. You'll hear it said a lot here : just worry about today. Let the rest of it take care of itself.
The things I find most helpful are journaling, meditation and keeping a gratitude book. They all help me 'get out of my own way' and I find them all very grounding.
Hugs and love to you my friend.
Edit: thank you Dee!
Keep at it. You'll hear it said a lot here : just worry about today. Let the rest of it take care of itself.
The things I find most helpful are journaling, meditation and keeping a gratitude book. They all help me 'get out of my own way' and I find them all very grounding.
Hugs and love to you my friend.
Edit: thank you Dee!
Last edited by mystified; 08-10-2015 at 10:37 PM. Reason: thanks to Dee!
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 316
I dont have much advice because I am only about 3.5 weeks sober but I do relate to how you're feeling. I too feel like a big chunk is missing from my life. I've been working on filling it with other activities and really just learning what I like and what I don't (before I really just never tried much). It will take time and I am working to acccept that, too.
I however did have physical symptoms of heart racing, anxiety, and stomach cramping when I quit. I don't have cravings either, though.... I like to think that I've just had enough for this lifetime and my body and mind are agreeing.
I however did have physical symptoms of heart racing, anxiety, and stomach cramping when I quit. I don't have cravings either, though.... I like to think that I've just had enough for this lifetime and my body and mind are agreeing.
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...While I wouldn't say I had depersonalisation, I did define myself by my drinking for years...it took a little time for me to work out who 'me' was.
I did work it out tho, and I really like who I am now
D[/QUOTE]
I really like who you are now too, Dee!
I guess I have to be patient and see who comes out the other end of this tunnel. I'm sure the new Delfin will be better than the bloated, scattered, hot mess I've been for years. I will repeat to myself: Patience, grasshopper Delfin, patience. :-)
I did work it out tho, and I really like who I am now
D[/QUOTE]
I really like who you are now too, Dee!
I guess I have to be patient and see who comes out the other end of this tunnel. I'm sure the new Delfin will be better than the bloated, scattered, hot mess I've been for years. I will repeat to myself: Patience, grasshopper Delfin, patience. :-)
Last edited by Delfin; 08-10-2015 at 11:07 PM. Reason: Messed up the quote.
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Hi Delfin. I can relate -- it really felt odd the first few months to not be drinking ... not referring to cravings, I just felt really different, and had a lot of time to fill in the evenings. At times I felt like I was awakening from a dream ... a bad dream.
I didn't have a lot of cravings ... I got psychologically triggered in certain situations that used to be drinking occasions for me. Mostly I avoided the people & places I associated with drinking, but the few times I couldn't avoid it (like a required business dinner), I thought about drinking and felt weird not drinking. But I don't think I had physical cravings per se, at least not after the first week.
At 11+ months, this feels like my "new normal", and I definitely feel more comfortable in my own skin.
I didn't have a lot of cravings ... I got psychologically triggered in certain situations that used to be drinking occasions for me. Mostly I avoided the people & places I associated with drinking, but the few times I couldn't avoid it (like a required business dinner), I thought about drinking and felt weird not drinking. But I don't think I had physical cravings per se, at least not after the first week.
At 11+ months, this feels like my "new normal", and I definitely feel more comfortable in my own skin.
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Originally Posted by tursiops999 
Hi Delfin. I can relate -- it really felt odd the first few months to not be drinking ... not referring to cravings, I just felt really different, and had a lot of time to fill in the evenings. At times I felt like I was awakening from a dream ... a bad dream.
I didn't have a lot of cravings ... I got psychologically triggered in certain situations that used to be drinking occasions for me. Mostly I avoided the people & places I associated with drinking, but the few times I couldn't avoid it (like a required business dinner), I thought about drinking and felt weird not drinking. But I don't think I had physical cravings per se, at least not after the first week.
At 11+ months, this feels like my "new normal", and I definitely feel more comfortable in my own skin.
I didn't have a lot of cravings ... I got psychologically triggered in certain situations that used to be drinking occasions for me. Mostly I avoided the people & places I associated with drinking, but the few times I couldn't avoid it (like a required business dinner), I thought about drinking and felt weird not drinking. But I don't think I had physical cravings per se, at least not after the first week.
At 11+ months, this feels like my "new normal", and I definitely feel more comfortable in my own skin.
I wonder if we are so in tune, Turciops, because we both have a love of dolphins and have nearly the same pic...;-) Seriously though, thanks for the words. I'm really looking forward to a new normal for me.
Delfin
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Posts: 2,578
Originally Posted by Delfin
I wonder if we are so in tune, Turciops, because we both have a love of dolphins and have nearly the same pic...;-) Seriously though, thanks for the words. I'm really looking forward to a new normal for me.
Delfin
Delfin
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,332
Delfin,
I feel largely the same. I have about the same amount of sober time and my emotions are still all over the place. I can be happy one moment and seriously frustrated the next. I have started 2 new medications though for my depression which aren't helping with the mood swings. After so many years drinking and numbing any emotion, it is very confusing as I have no idea what my mental baseline is anymore.
I am hoping that with time it will all calm down a bit. It's still way more easy than when drinking though!
I feel largely the same. I have about the same amount of sober time and my emotions are still all over the place. I can be happy one moment and seriously frustrated the next. I have started 2 new medications though for my depression which aren't helping with the mood swings. After so many years drinking and numbing any emotion, it is very confusing as I have no idea what my mental baseline is anymore.
I am hoping that with time it will all calm down a bit. It's still way more easy than when drinking though!
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Join Date: Jul 2015
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Going on day 95.
Really trying to be tough on my self to get back to normal. Living in fear of alcoholism is not right either. No drinking here, but really helping myself just be strong.
No physical cravings. All mental.
Physically though I get weak from time to time. It could be a lack of food, water, sick etc. It could also be my alcohol damaged brain.
My mental state manifests into physical feeling. E.g anxiety makes me breathe faster and I sweat. Happens every day. It is not fun.
Yesterday, I had a stronger anxiety attack then I have had in 3 months. I was driving and I was able to find a spot and pull over. It was nothing like the one I had that caused me to stop drinking. It was so much weaker, or I was so much stronger. I prefer the latter.
Anxiety is going to be there. That is what the booze was partially causing and quelling. Now I handle natural anxiety w natural strategies.
I am fighting this thing, med free.
Really trying to be tough on my self to get back to normal. Living in fear of alcoholism is not right either. No drinking here, but really helping myself just be strong.
No physical cravings. All mental.
Physically though I get weak from time to time. It could be a lack of food, water, sick etc. It could also be my alcohol damaged brain.
My mental state manifests into physical feeling. E.g anxiety makes me breathe faster and I sweat. Happens every day. It is not fun.
Yesterday, I had a stronger anxiety attack then I have had in 3 months. I was driving and I was able to find a spot and pull over. It was nothing like the one I had that caused me to stop drinking. It was so much weaker, or I was so much stronger. I prefer the latter.
Anxiety is going to be there. That is what the booze was partially causing and quelling. Now I handle natural anxiety w natural strategies.
I am fighting this thing, med free.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by Delfin
Yesterday and today I had some strange feelings of not recognizing myself.
Also, my Sponsor taught me many years ago that the one looking back in the mirror is the one I need to keep an eye on. Yes, that is the one who has deceived me the most in my life.
MM
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
I will be two years sober in September. I read a quote here on SR once:
It takes a year to dry up, 2 years to sober up and the rest of your life to grow up.
I always identified myself as a drinker, from age 15 up until my early 40s. In my second year of sobriety, I am only now getting comfortable with "me", getting to my authentic self. The first year was the challenge and adventure to see if I could stay sober, this second year has been more about emotional sobriety. Being an alcoholic, I always want "instant gratification", but truly this process takes time, but it is SO worth it! I thank God every day for the chance to really get to know myself, to really be aware of Life and my place in it. Just enjoy the journey and explore one day at a time with no expectations.
It takes a year to dry up, 2 years to sober up and the rest of your life to grow up.
I always identified myself as a drinker, from age 15 up until my early 40s. In my second year of sobriety, I am only now getting comfortable with "me", getting to my authentic self. The first year was the challenge and adventure to see if I could stay sober, this second year has been more about emotional sobriety. Being an alcoholic, I always want "instant gratification", but truly this process takes time, but it is SO worth it! I thank God every day for the chance to really get to know myself, to really be aware of Life and my place in it. Just enjoy the journey and explore one day at a time with no expectations.
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Join Date: May 2015
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Originally Posted by mystified
Honey, I still don't. But I can tell you I feel about a hundred times better now than I did in the early days and a thousand times better than I ever did when I was drinking. But I only have (almost) 5 months under my belt. I trust those here with longer stretches who say it only gets better.
Keep at it. You'll hear it said a lot here : just worry about today. Let the rest of it take care of itself.
The things I find most helpful are journaling, meditation and keeping a gratitude book. They all help me 'get out of my own way' and I find them all very grounding.
Hugs and love to you my friend.
Edit: thank you Dee!
Keep at it. You'll hear it said a lot here : just worry about today. Let the rest of it take care of itself.
The things I find most helpful are journaling, meditation and keeping a gratitude book. They all help me 'get out of my own way' and I find them all very grounding.
Hugs and love to you my friend.
Edit: thank you Dee!
. I do need to stop future tripping....
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Join Date: Mar 2013
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Delfin: other than the first few days my cravings are almost non-existent. What usually causes me to relapse is boredom or a fear of missing out. Since I've always had drinkers for friends I start to get lonely and end up back at a bar because I want someone to hang out with. That's just my experience. For me it's more psychological than physical.
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I guess lots of us are in the same boat. At least we can row together. 
BBB, you've pinpointed the problem. I don't know what my mental baseline is either.
D122y, I've just gone med-free too. I want to know who I am. Just me. Know what I mean? Of course, I'm happy to go back on meds if things start to go south. :-)
Good luck with your appt, ForeverFuzzy! Glad you are here with us.
Don't worry, MMB, I'm keeping an eye on that tricky Delfin. She's not gonna fool me again.
Thanks, for this DD, "It takes a year to dry up, 2 years to sober up and the rest of your life to grow up." Sounds about right to me.
BeanSkillet, I've had to leave the drinkers behind. It's a little sad, but my sobriety comes first. I'm still keeping very busy, but my social life, which wasn't much to begin with, is definitely on the backburner indefinitely. I think I can find me some new friends more in line with my new life though.
Thanks for all the words of support and wisdom, everyone!! This group is the best!
Delfin
BBB, you've pinpointed the problem. I don't know what my mental baseline is either.
D122y, I've just gone med-free too. I want to know who I am. Just me. Know what I mean? Of course, I'm happy to go back on meds if things start to go south. :-)
Good luck with your appt, ForeverFuzzy! Glad you are here with us.
Don't worry, MMB, I'm keeping an eye on that tricky Delfin. She's not gonna fool me again.
Thanks, for this DD, "It takes a year to dry up, 2 years to sober up and the rest of your life to grow up." Sounds about right to me.
BeanSkillet, I've had to leave the drinkers behind. It's a little sad, but my sobriety comes first. I'm still keeping very busy, but my social life, which wasn't much to begin with, is definitely on the backburner indefinitely. I think I can find me some new friends more in line with my new life though.
Thanks for all the words of support and wisdom, everyone!! This group is the best!
Delfin
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