ElleDee

I'm just having such a struggle with finding joy since becoming sober. I dread going home at night. Unless I have a meeting or an obligation, I just want to go to bed and sleep. I can't seem to get my passion back for doing the things I used to love to do. It's frustrating. Then I start getting those thoughts, what's the difference? If I'm going to feel miserable anyway, why not just numb it all. Right now, I leave in 9 minutes for home. I have a meeting tonight... one which I don't particularly like either... but it's better than doing nothing. This is awful.

PurpleDan

Do you have a sponsor and have you started working the steps? Do you fellowship with other alcoholics? For me, those make a huge difference in how I feel. But there are times I've had to seek outside help and with a doctor's guidance, went on to anti-depressants.

BeanSkillet

Hang in there, ElleDee. Don't allow yourself to go down the negative thinking road. Alcohol doesn't bring joy, though your addiction may lie to you and try to convince you otherwise. You can make it though today.

ItWillBeWorthIt

Hi ElleDee... I, too, struggled with the same problem as yourself. I don't know how long you have been sober.

I have been on a new anti-depressant for 10 weeks - the amount was increase mid-way and over the last two weeks I felt a big increase in motivation and hope... and in the last four days a HUGE increase... so the pills are working. Maybe speak to your doctor and let him/her know your concerns, etc. I am not much for prescription medication but this is one time I am so happy I stuck with it.

Sometimes if we just try to do some of the things we enjoyed we would get back into them.

Wishing you the very best.

NestWasEmpty

ElleDee , Don't let that Monster AV get in your head . Have you read some of your older posts on what alcohol has done to you ? I seen one that you were worried about your health. Please keep that in mind , and all the other reason's .
Like PurpleDan , mentioned maybe ask your Dr for some advice . Maybe just with something to help you over this hump .

Dee74

Hi Elle

I'm not sure how long you've been sober now, but let me reassure you you will find joy.

I thought the kind of blank joyless life was all I could expect from being sober but I was wrong.

do you do anything else but work sleep and go to AA? is there a little down time in there somewhere?

D

least

That sounds like me - depressed. I'd suggest telling your doctor and seeing if you can get some help. There is joy in life. You just can't see it right now.

MIRecovery

Recovery for me was about creating a new life not resurrecting the old. There are parts of my old life that I enjoy still but if I didn't enjoy something sober then I found something new to take its place.

I refuse to stay stuck in the past when there is a huge and fascinating world waiting to be discovered

growpath

Hey Elle. I am going to PM you hun. Hang in there, k. What about those WFS meetings we talked about?

I have found the crappiest of crap meetings EVER in AA. BUT I have also found some really good ones...that changed my life... The main point here is I had to go to the crappy ones to find the good ones. Don't give up!!

I read this article today. I needed it and I think you should read it hun

I know this is hard but just know you are doing the best thing for YOU!! Keep going. I promise it will get better!!!

Do Addicts Really Think Differently Than Everyone Else? | The Fix - Page 0

Anna

ElleDee, I would also ask what you do besides work, sleep and AA. I am a firm believer in balance in recovery and in life. Do you enjoy reading, movies, sports, walking, and volunteer work is a sure winner? Try adding some new things to your life. It might also be an idea to talk to dr if you think you might be depressed. There are medications that can help.

mandrake11

I felt like this EXACTLY for awhile. Now coming up on 5 years (in two weeks) I certainly get windows of joy, interest and enthusiasm. It took me a full year or two to really enjoy making music again. Forget about reading or writing, they were dead to me also. I do believe time is a huge factor. Maybe it's neurological? These brief instances are well worth trudging through the times you describe. I fully expect them to expand as well. While it seems like five years is FOREVER, it really is no time at all considering the payoff (I can't believe I am even going to say it): peace. Don't get me wrong, I still fall into the pit often. I still wake up fearing the collapse of society, the economy, my health and relationships but sometimes I just am...and the chance of that while in the pharmacy of my former life was zero. I think it was Winston Churchill (not necessarily the most quotable guy) who said (paraphrased): "What do you do if you find yourself in Hell? Keep walking."

advbike

Stop listening to your ego talking and creating problems. The ego loves to complain, criticize, compare, pass judgement, etc. To explore this concept further, I highly recommend A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, or Awareness by Anthony De Mello.

It also helps to make a brief list every morning of what you're grateful for.

ckoures

I felt the same way. But I have pushed myself to find things to do. I'm reading more, taking walks, getting out of my apartment and my head. I find meditating helps me find a peace and joy that allows me to make it through the day. I hope you can do it. Actually, I know you can. Because that horrible thing that has us drinking? It lies and leaves us empty.

Mikie9

ElleDee it does take some time to find new things to do with our time, it is normal.

In my early days I was exactly the same. I'm bored, unhappy, and just blah! And then someone here pointed out to me that I had all the freedom in the world to do anything I wanted at night.

So the next day when I got home from work and just wanted to lay down and ignore the world, I planned what I would do tomorrow night after work. It was simple. I would go to the park and walk a little. That was what I was going to do. After that I could go home and crawl into bed.

It helped. Something to look forward too. The biggest part of my recovery has been planning something to do, anything after work. Once I did this I realized I DO have all the options in the world.

But in the beginning, when the blahs are at their strongest it can be hard to see. Trust us on this one and plan something you can do tomorrow after work. Anything will suffice, as it will help get the ball rolling.

Aellyce

Hi ElleDee,

I'm sorry you are feeling down but great that you are sober.

I have no relevant experience with medications. The things that have helped me turn over my life most efficiently in sobriety so far (~18.5 months) has been, in order of importance according to how I feel about them:

1. Lifestyle. Changing my daily routines, introducing new interesting and rewarding activities (both work and hobbies).

2. Therapy. I will add that with the right person and approach! I was seeing someone for the first year that I thought was quite good and it helped me with many practical concerns. It seemed kinda trivial to me that the fit (with therapist and approach) is important, until I've experienced in more recent months what it's like it to be truly a great fit. That is when I started to experience some pretty drastic changes in my mood, motivation, emotional self-comfort and stability, self-confidence etc -- despite my external stresses and challenges increasing quite a bit compared with a year ago. Best sober investment for me for sure.

3. Other human connections, social life that is interesting and positive. New friends and cutting off or reducing negative relationships.

4. Regular exercise and relaxing activities (meditation and yoga). Consistency is key, I'm finding.

If what you have been doing is not giving you results now, I definitely think changing things a bit may be a good idea.

Ileana

ElleDee
Recovery- a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength; restoration or return to any former and better state or condition;

I felt the same way. Still do some times (and its been 7 years). You need time to for your body and mind to heal. Sleep may be exactly what you need at this time.
You also may be suffering some medical issues that developed while drinking. I actually developed an autoimmune disease while drinking but refused to see a doctor because I didn't want to hear a lecture about my drinking. When I went for blood tests my doctor told me that he ran my tests twice because he had never seen levels as low as mine in people not going through chemo. It took me nearly 2 years to recover. And I still have to give myself weekly injections.

Give it some time. Just please don't listen to that alcoholic voice in your head telling you that drinking will make it all better again. It won't. You can do this. You CAN do this!

Soberwolf

Hi Ella im with Anna & D can i ask a couple thingshobby wise you used to enjoy before drinking

Reading is really helpful too

Thinking of you

MythOfSisyphus

Forgive me for not remember this, ElleDee, but how long have you been sober? It really does take a while to get your "sea legs" under you. I felt a lot better/different at three months, then even more so at six. But looking back now at the distance of three years I see that my brain kept evolving for at least a year. Heck, it's probably still changing! Not just the chemistry but the creating of new behavioral pathways.

I think MIR hits it on the head- instead of waiting for your "old self" to return we need to go about reinventing ourselves. Why bother to get sober just to keep trudging through the same old life we had as drunks?

But I get what you're saying. It can be disconcerting at first and it can seem that the joy left with the booze. But I can assure you that's not the case.

ElleDee

For the most part I've been parking my butt in front of the tv or sitting on Facebook. I just don't feel like my "perky" old self. I've been sober for a little over 6 months. It was like a honeymoon phase I went through in the beginning. I felt all on top of the world and healthy and happy and wow, look at the sunset and oh listen to the birds. Now it's more like screw the sunset and I wish the darn birds would shut up. LOL! This morning my daughter told me I sounded "sour" on the phone. That's a good word for it. I don't want to be like this. Each day I pray that I can "shine my light" and be a blessing to everyone I encounter. I don't know.

I really appreciate everyone's helpful responses. I do see a psychologist and I have an appointment soon. I'm going to talk to her about depression. I also see my GP next month and maybe she has some advice. She knows my history, I've been honest with her about my drinking.

Thanks again everyone, I'm grateful for you all.

Rio97

That's a great article.