Healingbegins

Hello! I am here because I need some support. My husband has been a drinker for the 16 years that we have been together but the past 3 years have gotten us into hospital debt and now possible legal problems because his drinking has gotten out of his control. I have 2 beautiful kids that it has also affected. I won't lie. I want normalcy but I don't know what that is anymore. My father is also an alcoholic but I can choose when I want to be around him. I can't choose with my husband. I love him but I also need change. I need to get myself straight but can't seem to because of everything that's going on. It would also be nice to feel that I'm not alone. I have tried Al-Anon one time. I didn't keep going due to my working schedule and at the time my husband had me convinced that there was no reason for me to be going because he did not have a problem. Ugh. Thank you for listening!

Soberwolf

Welcome Healingbegins youl find so much support here

biminiblue

Welcome, Healingbegins.

This thought comes to mind: Let go or be dragged.


He's taking the entire family hostage. He's threatening your financial and emotional future.

Can you get yourself into therapy? He really doesn't have any "say" about whether or not you need help. That's what AlAnon is - help for you. If you're having a problem with it, it's a problem.

johnt99

Welcome. I hate to say it, but if his drinking is negatively affecting the kids, he needs to wake his ass up and quit drinking. He probably realizes this himself, but it might not really hit him until you call him out on it. Sounds like the drinking is out of control if it's causing debt, legal problems, and negatively affecting his family. I think it's time for an ultimatum -- either the booze goes or you and the kids go. What's he going to choose?

Healingbegins

Yes, myself and my daughters actually start our counseling tomorrow. He has been one week sober but I have also been through this many times. I always felt that no one but me could see it so therefore I became "that wife". The bitchy one. Long standing joke to an alcoholic and his friends. Last week I actually made him leave due to the fact that he was drunk and was doing some scary things. He has since moved back and we have talked to a chaplain and like I said. No drinking thus far. The problem I'm having is that I'm bitter that myself and my kids have to go through all of this because of him and I could kick myself for putting my kids through the years of his drinking. Guess I was in a bit of denial too. We all get to go to counseling. Thank you alcohol. Such a destructive liquid.

Dharma33

Hi Healing-

I am so sorry to hear of the struggle your husband's drinking is causing your family.

It is wonderful that you are taking you and your daughters to counseling. and that you are reaching out here. As perhaps you know by now, you cannot make your husband stop drinking, and cannot control it. Personally, I am the recovering alcoholic in my household. My husband begged me to stop many times. Although I really wanted to quit 'for' him, I had to get to the point where I had enough of being a sick addict and had to make the decision to get well myself. It is unfortunately the nature of this beast called alcoholism.

There is a Friends and Family section on this site- I am sure you will find tons of support if you should decide to post there as well.

Welcome to SR, and we are here to help in any way we can!

BringingBackB

Welcome healingbegins I'm sure you will find lots of support here.

least

Welcome to the family. I'm glad you'll be getting counseling. Alcoholics are hard to live with. I know cause I was the alcoholic my kids lived with and I made their lives hell while I was drinking.

I hope that you can find a way to get free of this situation and live a peaceful life.

Hevyn

It's good to meet you, healingbegins. You never have to feel alone.

Lovenjoy

welcome to SR Healingbegins - love your name! this part below made me think of something i learned here. when we know better we do better.

from SR, counseling and alanon i know better and i do better. guilt wasn't helping me heal...

so much wisdom and support here, glad you found us.

Dee74

Welcome healingbegins
You'll find a lot of support here

D

thomas11

Hi Healingbegins, I feel for ya, that sounds like a very difficult situation. Very glad to hear you are doing what you can for yourself and children. At the same time I also agree with others, he likely won't quit drinking permanently until he is good and ready, or ever. Wishing you the best.

lifenlove

Hi. Really sorry to hear what's going on.
From an alcoholics perspective..which is what i am.
This would be what i would have done in my past relationships and deny there is a problem.
Thus to be able to keep on drinking.

clearly there is a problem from what you at saying and IMO Al-Anon is a very very good place for you to be seeking help and support from at this time.

Also the Friends and Family section on this site will offer very good advice and help to you from many who have been in the same situation.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Healingbegins!!