Day One is Over!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: West Coast
Posts: 54
Originally Posted by Denial101 
Thanks everyone for your kind words. I've decided to go for full abstinence. As in, not drinking even in moderation, not "one sip" not "one glass" of wine here or there, not even at celebrations or holidays. Day One doesn't deserve that treatment, and chance for falling off the path. I am an all-in kind of person anyway, so who was I cheating by thinking moderation might work? Only myself. I can do this!!!!!
By the way day 2 is going great. No withdrawals, not even much anxiety. Is this normal? I would FREAK out when I thought of quitting before. (before even quitting, which led to more drinking while thinking about quitting, more anxiety upon awakening that I blew it again, so more drinking…the same vicious cycle!)
By the way day 2 is going great. No withdrawals, not even much anxiety. Is this normal? I would FREAK out when I thought of quitting before. (before even quitting, which led to more drinking while thinking about quitting, more anxiety upon awakening that I blew it again, so more drinking…the same vicious cycle!)
I also have a great job, have never had a DUI, my kids aren't old enough to know I drink a lot, no one in the world would think I drink too much except probably my wife (and she doesn't really know because I would do sheninigans like take pulls off a fifth in the garage or chug a few beers to get a proper buzz going without her knowing how much I was drinking). I've used those things countless times to make an exception here and there or convince myself I can moderate "this time." It's never stuck. Before long I'm drinking every night, binge drinking on weekends, having a liquid lunch at work, etc.
To your Q on weight, the times in the past I've abstained I've always lost weight. Usually 10-15lbs or so (I'm 6'1, 205). There are quite a few useless calories when you get hammered every night. I find it helpful to try and exercise regularly to avoid the desire to drink so that affects it too
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,507
Hi Denial.
I'm happy Day 2 is going well. I had withdrawals for a few days, but I'd been drinking every day for a long time. I'm glad you're not suffering from them. Good to know you're going for total abstinence. Wise decision. Very nice to have you with us.
I'm happy Day 2 is going well. I had withdrawals for a few days, but I'd been drinking every day for a long time. I'm glad you're not suffering from them. Good to know you're going for total abstinence. Wise decision. Very nice to have you with us.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,174
Congratulations on 2 days Denial. Glad you seem to be coping.
Most people on this sight suggest not dwelling on the 'forever' aspect but to just take things one day at a time
The cravings for sweet food are a fact for most of us but they reduce the longer you stay sober
Good luck
Most people on this sight suggest not dwelling on the 'forever' aspect but to just take things one day at a time
The cravings for sweet food are a fact for most of us but they reduce the longer you stay sober
Good luck
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
HI Denial, wonderful OP. You may experience withdrawals, you may not. If you get to day 4-5 I think you may be ok, and take it as a blessing. Withdrawals are horrible. I can't really add much to what has already been said other than you sound like a very busy, successful and determined person in your life. If you apply that approach to sobriety, I believe sobriety, it will be achieved. One last thing, you sound like towards the end (recently) you were very anxious and scared in the morning knowing you again "blew it". Therefore, you might just "scare" yourself straight. And that would great, right?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 35
Originally Posted by RustyBanjo
Good for you. I'm on day 3 so we are in the same boat.
I also have a great job, have never had a DUI, my kids aren't old enough to know I drink a lot, no one in the world would think I drink too much except probably my wife (and she doesn't really know because I would do sheninigans like take pulls off a fifth in the garage or chug a few beers to get a proper buzz going without her knowing how much I was drinking). I've used those things countless times to make an exception here and there or convince myself I can moderate "this time." It's never stuck. Before long I'm drinking every night, binge drinking on weekends, having a liquid lunch at work, etc.
To your Q on weight, the times in the past I've abstained I've always lost weight. Usually 10-15lbs or so (I'm 6'1, 205). There are quite a few useless calories when you get hammered every night. I find it helpful to try and exercise regularly to avoid the desire to drink so that affects it too
I also have a great job, have never had a DUI, my kids aren't old enough to know I drink a lot, no one in the world would think I drink too much except probably my wife (and she doesn't really know because I would do sheninigans like take pulls off a fifth in the garage or chug a few beers to get a proper buzz going without her knowing how much I was drinking). I've used those things countless times to make an exception here and there or convince myself I can moderate "this time." It's never stuck. Before long I'm drinking every night, binge drinking on weekends, having a liquid lunch at work, etc.
To your Q on weight, the times in the past I've abstained I've always lost weight. Usually 10-15lbs or so (I'm 6'1, 205). There are quite a few useless calories when you get hammered every night. I find it helpful to try and exercise regularly to avoid the desire to drink so that affects it too
So for me, yes, it was the secret drinking that was making me the real alcoholic, and I know total abstinence is what I need to do for my personality. I am so sick of thinking about it, deciding when to drink, how much to cut back, or maybe I could just drink socially and cut out my sneaky/ closet drinking, and then I'd be normal. But I know that once I did that I'd be back to the same old sneaky routines because the other wouldn't be enough. I would tell myself, well, I'm already drinking again anyway, whats a little more…and it would evolve back to where its been or even worse (every time I've stopped and started in the past, without talking to anyone and trying to go cold turkey, i always ended up drinking even more after getting off track than before, because of the guilt and shame). So yes, I know abstinence will be tough. But in a way, it just takes all the extra brainwork out of it, and all these little games I was constantly trying to play, and what I envisioned my next "plan" would be to reduce my drinking, so I just have a clearer vision of my plan. B ut yes, I am trying very hard to just focus on one day at a time and not encapsulate this as a "forever" word. Thanks you to whoever mentioned that. It does take a little less weight off the bar when you think of it that way. (Maybe my mantra every morning shall be: "I will not drink today")
So, I told my husband this afternoon. I feel so much better. I told him EVERYTHING. It was funny, he came into my office and I have a black leather couch. Halfway through me telling him (between the tears, the pouring out of literally everything), I said I'm sorry honey, I know you didn't think you were going to play the therapist role this afternoon. And he was sitting on MY couch. Lol. He took it well, said he's known, maybe not the details but he said that for me to be held accountable he's glad I put it into words to him and that I was still the most important thing in his life.
He's my rock- I'm so lucky. And now, he's actually happy when I go to the gym, seeing it as my outlet that I so desperately need. (He was starting to get upset that I spend so much time there…but now he understands). I've been looking for this for a long time and have been a gym rat for a very long time, the only difference being that sometimes I would drink before working out even! And definitely after. Sober workouts are so much better I can't even describe it.
Last edited by Denial101; 08-10-2015 at 09:52 PM. Reason: run-on sentence
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 35
Thomas- How do I delete the other thread? Is that what you meant? I was having trouble sharing the post last night/ this morning, and after it went up I saw it was listed twice in the newcomers forums.
I'm assuming thats what you meant?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 35
Day 3- done. I'm feeling great. Not many thoughts of really wanting to drink, urges, or cravings. I'm more or less "mourning" some past routines, as I think of things, past, present and future that have occurred and will be occurring in the future, and how starkly different my life will be now without alcohol in it. How I will learn to live differently, in each situation. (Doesn't have to be a big celebration, say, a wedding...it can be something as simple as when we got home from the lake for a long walk tonight, it occurred to me that I was usually anxious to get home to have a drink...but without that I enjoyed the time more, enjoyed my kids and husband more.) But yet, it's all those little routines we all had. Isn't it crazy? And that's where I think so many of us can get in trouble. It's not the big things- because I think we psych ourselves up for those...an annual bonfire we always drank at, weddings, a vacation...I will be firm going into those situations for sure. I think people let little routines and past triggers get to them far more. So each day I will say, I will not, under any circumstances, drink today. No matter what happens, or doesn't happen
Good night all
Good night all
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: London
Posts: 121
Originally Posted by Denial101
Hi I'm new here, I found this site from googling "does drinking a fifth of vodka in one day mean I'm an alcoholic?"
Well, I already know the answer to that question. I wasn't in a chatroom, just searching for whatever articles came up, and what I found was similar questions such as this asked in other chats and the answers given of course weren't pretty. "Do you want to die soon?" "Why are you here, and not in the hospital, or in rehab?" And of course the obvious: "well, do you drink that much every day, or just once? Because if you're like most normal people, having a bender once in a blue moon doesn't make you an alcoholic, it's if you drink that much every day, or even half of that every day"…and so on and so forth.
A bit about me. I've always known I've had a bit of an addictive personality. I'm OCD in many ways, a perfectionist, and I care- (a lot)- about what people think of me. Which leads to the fact that I've always thought what I'm doing wasn't that bad, just a sip here, a sip there, and it lead to more and more and more. Lately I've tallied my consumption to be a half of a bottle (fifth) in one day, sometimes more. (not usually less, recently). AndI can't think of when the last day was that I didn't have anything to drink at all in one single day. Yep, I'm pretty much an alcoholic. I try to go a day, just one day, and can't do it!
Well, today I did it. I just wanted to say "I'm so done with this!" to the whole world! But of course, I can't because people don't know that despite what looks like a perfect life on the outside, I'm a scared, vulnerable, totally crazy out of my mind anxious wreck closet alcoholic. And I need HELP.
I found this site, and the only part about it that bothers me of course is that it's public- anyone could read my stuff and follow me and potentially guess who I am. Or even that my husband will get on my computer here and read all of this or find it somehow. I'm not ready for that yet. Maybe someday. Something like that now would cause me to have an excuse to be upset with him and want to drink! He knows I have a problem, but not even close to what extent. He's found things before- empty bottles, etc, but for the most part even when I have a pretty good buzz going I can keep it together. You see I'm a highly functioning closet alcoholic. Otherwise, I'm the picture of health, I eat right, exercise (to the extreme), you name it. I have my own very successful business. My kids are young enough to not know anything (yet). So you see, this is why I have to do this now. Soon enough, my body won't be able to do this without breaking down, and all I'll her left with is this terrible, crippling disease. I pride myself now for being able to "do it all, and have it all, proud for being able to hide it. Heck thats part of the rush of it. Soon enough, my husband will have had enough. It does sometimes cause us to fight, wether it's about the drinking alone, or how I react to things because of it. I'm not the fall down pass out sloppy drunk. Oh now, I hold it together. But God, it's taking such a toll on me. Also, soon enough my kids will be older, and I would rather die than be that mom, that soon people will catch on, when you sit by the same parents and kids at their ballgames…like they wouldn't notice? Or my clients (if they haven't already noticed, from time to time that I act different and then smell it on me?
So last night, when I had finished the last little bit of vodka (my alcohol of choice), I decided, that's it. No more. We have more alcohol in the house, in our bar, in the garage, plenty actually…but it's not opened bottles, and all stuff I don't care for. But it IS there, if I felt I really needed a drink. I don't want to make a big deal of it and toss out everything, because then my husband really would wonder. Am I stupid for thinking I can do this without him being involved? Even knowing to what extent I've gotten to, until maybe waaaay down the recovery road? I so bad wanted to tell him this evening, guess what honey, I haven't had one single sip of alcohol today- aren't you proud of me?? But then he would look at me like, are you serious, is that really an accomplishment to you? Because I'm SCARED. I'm scared that if I fall off this wagon then he'll know even more. It can only do me harm I feel like. I need to go a few days and know I might really be able to do this first.
I've never been in a group like this before. Never sought help. Just prayed and prayed and prayed. Will you guys please put vibes out there for me for the next few days? Anything is appreciated. I'm so sick of thinking about it!! When do you stop thinking about it every minute of the day? And when does the anxiety go away? I just want to be normal again. I want to be free of all addictions and their chains!!
I also have some other questions:
For most people, have you experienced weight loss or gain when stopping drinking? I'm pretty sure if I cut drinking out I would be decreasing my calorie intake but I don't want to replace that with other stuff to feel full. I've seen other people post about keeping ice cream and sugary drinks, and candy bars (heaven forbid) close by to help with cravings?? Oh dear Lord. I never eat that stuff (but can drink bottles of straight alcohol in one week- see, I'm crazy…) But, seriously I'm terrified of gaining weight!
Should I expect withdrawal symptoms or anything? when do they start? (i haven't had any today, although I've been keeping busy, but other than a bit of anxiety and scared feelings that I can't do it, there's been nothing physical.
Ok, so when did ya'll really feel secure and not scared that you couldn't do it anymore? One week? One month? 6 months? 6 years? Just a poll, I suppose..
Then, I'm sure this has been asked many times, but is there a chance I could ever drink socially, like maybe just on the weekend? Or for an event? And then go back to being abstinent? Or should I just plan on being abstinent for the rest of my life? Always, always? I am cringing even as I am typing that. Like, could I really even do that? I know- my BRAIN knows- that I would be so much healthier, and happier, in the long run, like that… but I still want them both! ARRGGHHH
-Is there a mobile-friendly app for this site, so I can have a quick route to you guys on my phone? Or do I have to log on and go thru the whole site (which doesn't seem compatible on my iPhone- the forums are all jumbled, etc). and I rarely sit at my desktop.
Am I rambling on too much for one post??? Sorry, newbie here. Please don't think it's so long you don't even want to respond. I just hope a few of you will read this, at least, and if you only reply to one question or have one bit of advise that would mean so much. Which reminds me, is there a way to find specific answers/ thought/ polls/ opinions to various questions like the ones listed above on this site? When I used the search tool it didn't seem to help. And I guess I could just start reading thousands and thousands of threads but when I have a specific thing on my mind I like to find info on just that…til it's on to the next thing, of course
I'm off to bed, and hopefully no anxiety attacks…and praying I can do this again tomorrow. One day at a time, for now I guess.
I'm glad to be here. I feel better already. Like I got something off my chest. And now I'm held accountable by others, too
Well, I already know the answer to that question. I wasn't in a chatroom, just searching for whatever articles came up, and what I found was similar questions such as this asked in other chats and the answers given of course weren't pretty. "Do you want to die soon?" "Why are you here, and not in the hospital, or in rehab?" And of course the obvious: "well, do you drink that much every day, or just once? Because if you're like most normal people, having a bender once in a blue moon doesn't make you an alcoholic, it's if you drink that much every day, or even half of that every day"…and so on and so forth.
A bit about me. I've always known I've had a bit of an addictive personality. I'm OCD in many ways, a perfectionist, and I care- (a lot)- about what people think of me. Which leads to the fact that I've always thought what I'm doing wasn't that bad, just a sip here, a sip there, and it lead to more and more and more. Lately I've tallied my consumption to be a half of a bottle (fifth) in one day, sometimes more. (not usually less, recently). AndI can't think of when the last day was that I didn't have anything to drink at all in one single day. Yep, I'm pretty much an alcoholic. I try to go a day, just one day, and can't do it!
Well, today I did it. I just wanted to say "I'm so done with this!" to the whole world! But of course, I can't because people don't know that despite what looks like a perfect life on the outside, I'm a scared, vulnerable, totally crazy out of my mind anxious wreck closet alcoholic. And I need HELP.
I found this site, and the only part about it that bothers me of course is that it's public- anyone could read my stuff and follow me and potentially guess who I am. Or even that my husband will get on my computer here and read all of this or find it somehow. I'm not ready for that yet. Maybe someday. Something like that now would cause me to have an excuse to be upset with him and want to drink! He knows I have a problem, but not even close to what extent. He's found things before- empty bottles, etc, but for the most part even when I have a pretty good buzz going I can keep it together. You see I'm a highly functioning closet alcoholic. Otherwise, I'm the picture of health, I eat right, exercise (to the extreme), you name it. I have my own very successful business. My kids are young enough to not know anything (yet). So you see, this is why I have to do this now. Soon enough, my body won't be able to do this without breaking down, and all I'll her left with is this terrible, crippling disease. I pride myself now for being able to "do it all, and have it all, proud for being able to hide it. Heck thats part of the rush of it. Soon enough, my husband will have had enough. It does sometimes cause us to fight, wether it's about the drinking alone, or how I react to things because of it. I'm not the fall down pass out sloppy drunk. Oh now, I hold it together. But God, it's taking such a toll on me. Also, soon enough my kids will be older, and I would rather die than be that mom, that soon people will catch on, when you sit by the same parents and kids at their ballgames…like they wouldn't notice? Or my clients (if they haven't already noticed, from time to time that I act different and then smell it on me?
So last night, when I had finished the last little bit of vodka (my alcohol of choice), I decided, that's it. No more. We have more alcohol in the house, in our bar, in the garage, plenty actually…but it's not opened bottles, and all stuff I don't care for. But it IS there, if I felt I really needed a drink. I don't want to make a big deal of it and toss out everything, because then my husband really would wonder. Am I stupid for thinking I can do this without him being involved? Even knowing to what extent I've gotten to, until maybe waaaay down the recovery road? I so bad wanted to tell him this evening, guess what honey, I haven't had one single sip of alcohol today- aren't you proud of me?? But then he would look at me like, are you serious, is that really an accomplishment to you? Because I'm SCARED. I'm scared that if I fall off this wagon then he'll know even more. It can only do me harm I feel like. I need to go a few days and know I might really be able to do this first.
I've never been in a group like this before. Never sought help. Just prayed and prayed and prayed. Will you guys please put vibes out there for me for the next few days? Anything is appreciated. I'm so sick of thinking about it!! When do you stop thinking about it every minute of the day? And when does the anxiety go away? I just want to be normal again. I want to be free of all addictions and their chains!!
I also have some other questions:
For most people, have you experienced weight loss or gain when stopping drinking? I'm pretty sure if I cut drinking out I would be decreasing my calorie intake but I don't want to replace that with other stuff to feel full. I've seen other people post about keeping ice cream and sugary drinks, and candy bars (heaven forbid) close by to help with cravings?? Oh dear Lord. I never eat that stuff (but can drink bottles of straight alcohol in one week- see, I'm crazy…) But, seriously I'm terrified of gaining weight!
Should I expect withdrawal symptoms or anything? when do they start? (i haven't had any today, although I've been keeping busy, but other than a bit of anxiety and scared feelings that I can't do it, there's been nothing physical.
Ok, so when did ya'll really feel secure and not scared that you couldn't do it anymore? One week? One month? 6 months? 6 years? Just a poll, I suppose..
Then, I'm sure this has been asked many times, but is there a chance I could ever drink socially, like maybe just on the weekend? Or for an event? And then go back to being abstinent? Or should I just plan on being abstinent for the rest of my life? Always, always? I am cringing even as I am typing that. Like, could I really even do that? I know- my BRAIN knows- that I would be so much healthier, and happier, in the long run, like that… but I still want them both! ARRGGHHH
-Is there a mobile-friendly app for this site, so I can have a quick route to you guys on my phone? Or do I have to log on and go thru the whole site (which doesn't seem compatible on my iPhone- the forums are all jumbled, etc). and I rarely sit at my desktop.
Am I rambling on too much for one post??? Sorry, newbie here. Please don't think it's so long you don't even want to respond. I just hope a few of you will read this, at least, and if you only reply to one question or have one bit of advise that would mean so much. Which reminds me, is there a way to find specific answers/ thought/ polls/ opinions to various questions like the ones listed above on this site? When I used the search tool it didn't seem to help. And I guess I could just start reading thousands and thousands of threads but when I have a specific thing on my mind I like to find info on just that…til it's on to the next thing, of course
I'm off to bed, and hopefully no anxiety attacks…and praying I can do this again tomorrow. One day at a time, for now I guess.
I'm glad to be here. I feel better already. Like I got something off my chest. And now I'm held accountable by others, too
Well done, if you train hard pure vodka I believe has minimal calories but they are bad, you will soon be able to train even harder and will be a little more hungry if you eat fish or chicken or nuts you will be fine. alcohol impedes muscle growth so you will wind up in better shape another benefit.
Wishing you the best, I don't post much but I read a lot here it's a fantastic place.
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