chloebaby

I have been going to meetings but have yet to share. This us the type of thing that I would have "just a couple" to be the outgoing self confident person who im not. I just am sooo scared to talk I actually stutter etc. I know I need to but arghhh. I am one of those people that does not articulate my feelings well. Does it get easier?

Rio97

I'm glad you brought this up. Someone suggested I go to Toastmasters and work on public speaking. I haven't done that yet. But I think it goes deeper. I have a fear of letting people in, a fear of judgement. Maybe pretty typical of an alcoholic.

chloebaby

I have same fears. I had these even before I started drinking though.

chloebaby

Sadly if I have a few I can talk all night to anyone.

Saskia

I had those fears for many years. When I started going to AA, I first went to a Newcomers' group. The leader would usually say, before introductions, that we could simply state our name. So for the first weeks, I said only "hello, my name is xxx, I'm an alcoholic and have been sober for x days". That was a start. Over time it got easier. My shares always tended to be brief but I tried to always share just a few words.

Now I'm gradually finding that my social anxiety of many years is slowly getting better.

Just remember that everyone at an AA meeting was once a newbie trying to kick alcohol.

Nonsensical

Yeah, but the side effects are murder.

BringingBackB

Yes

I get very nervous before talking at smart meetings. I tend to be a bit of a loner and in the past have not 'let many people in'. It is something I am working on and I am consciously making an effort to open up more. I get more out of it bringing up any issues I have instead of listening to everyone else all the time.

Austin4Wyo

I used to just babble to be heard. I'm one of those blessed souls who doesn't fear public speaking. In fact, I thrive with it. So I've always tended to be well spoken, with my thoughts communicated clearly.

Thats great in many siuations, but it didn't help in AA. I often THOUGHT I was being humble and honest, but looking back, there were often times I spoke simply because I could. Pride motivated it, mostly. "Hey! Look at me! I'm doing good!". Weirdly, that didn't help much...heh.

I don't go to many meetings now while I participate in another program, but when I do, I check motives. I have to remove the pride from sharing and make sure I'm keeping it in line with helping myself or other alcoholics, instead of just craving attention. Some days are better than others, but I work on it as best I can. It extends into other areas too, so its always good to be aware.

So don't think that a difficulty speaking in front of people is the only struggle with sharing. I feel like wrong motives to share and/or prideful, attention seeking shares can be just as detrimental. They certainly have been in my experience.

"Always Believe!" -The Ultimate Warrior

Lance40

You guys are all lucky that you don't get called out to speak. Here in Vancouver, Canada the general format for all meetings is that the meeting leader randomly points to people to speak. You always have the option to pass, but in my limited experience people usually talk. I have social anxiety and spent meetings so wound up trying to figure out what I'd say that I wasn't present for what anyone was saying. If I finally got called on I would say a few sentences and then I was in so much relief that I wasn't present to what people were saying. In this sense I found that AA meetings caused a lot of chaos in my life, so that is why I dropped out of the program and have used other methods to be sober. It's a pity really, because if it wasn't for the "point and talk" format I would enjoy the meetings.

blueberry2015

yeah i find it a bit nerve wracking my voice quakes but i have spoken up i did on my first meeting i told them i was really nervous.... but spoke. If you feel you have something to share.... feel the fear and do it anyway. It does get easier x To build your confidence, if you found something the chair has said helpful a simple "im x xyz im alcoholic...then. address the chair and say thank you x yz for you story on whatever and say how long youve been in recovery and that you found it helpful." Something short and sweet like that maybe your icebreaker. Or alternatively you could try to read a short passage in the 12 steps if its been passed around. Remember everyone in that room prob felt the same when they were new too x

Zufrieden

Excellent post. I just left a meeting and was reviewing why it is so hard for me to share. I think it boils down to pride, fear of failing at my "share" and perfectionism.
I don't like to be the center of attention but I want to get it right when I do share. This can be debilitating. I have had the same problem just posting here at SR.
I realize that I'm usually drawn to the simplest most honest posts and shares at meetings, things from the heart and without artifice. I just need to learn to be comfortable with it in my own shares. It is work that for me is part of the whole reason I drank.

Happy Saturday all.
Jonathan

Soberwolf

I listened for months before i finally spoke and when i did i kept it short and only shared if i related otherwise id just listen and soak it up

although i no longer participate at AA mtns a heck of a lot has stayed with me and keeps me in good stead

Rio97

Interesting, Zuf, I feel similarly. It's funny, I'm rarely, if ever, critical of other peoples shares. I wonder why I hold myself to such high standards, as if I'm expected to make the earth shake with profoundness when I speak. I even envy those that drivel on about things that aren't even relevant to the topic, without an ounce of self-doubt or self-consciousness. I just want a little of that. It is probably pride and perfectionism. Unlike you, I don't seem to have that problem here as much. For me, I think it's just going to take patience and practice. And I'm not very patient. Progress not perfection.

soberclover

I'm very shy around adults but give me a room full of rowdy teenagers in my classroom and I can shine. I shared just the other day at a meeting and was super nervous about it. I think for me it's because I know that this particular group of people can read right through me and that makes me feel vulnerable. The reality that I focus on is that the people in the rooms know where I'm coming from. In time I hope you feel comfortable in any meeting; that is what I'm striving for too....

SoberLife90

Yes it does. In the beginning i hates sharing because I would get so nervous and I never knew what to say. Haha. Well I continued to come around and I absorbed more knowledge and had more and more to say. Just try to speak from your heart. I mainly share how I am staying sober today. Overcome your fears...just do it...maybe someone needs to see you struggle sharing to make them feel more comfortable sharing.

fini

yes, it's gotten easier for me.
that being said, i'm in Vancouver also, and Lance, yeah, the chair often asks someone if they would like to share. and that's how they put it at my meeting: would you like to share?
if it's a good chairperson, they will pick a person they know will have a positive message to open, and also to be the last speaker. in between, they will ask a newcomer. and then give the opportunity to anyone with "a burning desire to share". yes, there ARE those dying to share

chloe,
it's okay to say no thanks.
it's okay to say you'd like to but are anxious.
it's okay to say you don't know how.
it's okay to just say where you're at.

it's all okay.
some people just say a heartfelt "thank you all for being here, making this meeting possible".

at my cake last year i spoke for about four minutes.
this year, i figure maybe i can get it up to six