ssmtaurptid

I have been with my SO for about 7 years. He is a good man, and a really great dad. We have two children, ages 4 and 2. They are my life. I do whatever I have to everyday to make sure that they have all they need in life. Right now I am questioning whether or not one of those things is their father.

He drinks regularly. He has any where from 4 "tallboys" to a 12 pack a night. Only beer, he does not drink liquor. Each night I usually find him passed out on the couch or I find him sitting in his car asleep. Rarely does he come to bed with me so that he can continue to drink, without my judging eyes I guess. I know I should not judge, but I don't drink much.

I have ask him countless times to stop drinking, or at least cut back. In all honesty I would say he is a binge drinker. He doesn't stop until it is all gone. If I do have any alcohol in the house, like a bottle of wine, there are times he will finish that off too. He has had a DUI, yet still continues to drink and drive. Even if I tell him I really don't think he needs to drive.

Our intimate relationship has suffered because I don't want to be pawed by a drunk man. I want to be loved by my husband.

Last night he went out to visit with a family member, and took our daughter with him (the 4 year old). I ask him to be mindful of the hour, and try to get her home soon. When he came rolling in with her at midnight, I could tell he had been drinking. And had stopped on the way home to get more. There is not a single night that he does not bring home beer. I was/am livid that he was drinking and driving with my baby in the car.

I have given him the ultimatum. Quit drinking or leave. Am I wrong? I just don't know what else to do. And I know for sure that if he does not change, I do not want him in our lives. Please. Any advice is openly welcome. I am desperate at this point because I love him. But I can't continue to fight with his dependency on alcohol.

Soberwolf

Welcome to SR ssmtaurptid

My gf moved out it was exactly what i needed to realise i was loosing her for real

youl find so much support here & in friends & family

Berrybean

I think you are right to protect your children. If he is an alcoholic and agrees to quit, there will still be a lot of work to do. Recovery is not easy. It is worth it though. Also, be prepared for him to 'choose' alcohol over his family. If this happens it will not be because he doesn't love you enough. It will be because he doesn't think it is possible to live without the booze.

Either way, you are likely to need some kind of support network. There is a great 'Friends and Family' sub-forum' on here dedicated to this. It might also be worth investigating your local Al-Anon groups so you can meet and talk with others who can share their experience, strength and hope with you and also give more practical tips.

Good luck.

least

You are right to be mad that he was drinking and driving with your child in the car. If he does it again, call the police and report it. Please don't let him drive with the kids when he's drinking.

You are also right to ask him to leave if he chooses drinking over his family.

You need to find support in real life. I would suggest finding an AlAnon meeting in your area.

Anna

This has to be your major concern. I hope you make a decision to stop this from ever happening again. I think you should never allow him to drive your children anywhere or pick them up to bring them home. Whether or not you leave your husband, the priority is keeping your children safe.

SoberLife90

After I got my first DUI I continued to drink and drive and 6 months later got another. Thankfully I wasn't involved in any accidents. If your husband is still making these poor decisions it is only a matter of time before it happens. Maybe you leaving with your kids could save their lives because your husband has no regard for their lives. I'm sure he is a good person...but he sounds like a full blown alcoholic.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Ssmtaurptid!!

IOAA2

Hi.
I strongly suggest the above recommendation about reading “Friends and Families” forum on this site and especially going to Al Anon meetingS in your area. I Believe he needs help and will only get it when he wants it, hopefully not too late.
You also need help mentally because dealing with a persons drinking is so draining and frustrating.

BE WELL

Bird615

I agree with the other posts here. There's not a lot you can do for him if he doesn't want to stop, but much you can do for yourself and your kids.
The Friends and Families forum and Alanon can both help you.
Welcome to SR and best wishes.