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Old 08-04-2015, 06:30 PM   #1 (permalink)

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I told my mother I was sexually abused when I was young

Do you want to know what her only response was???

"Oh. Well I wouldn't go telling a counsellor about that"

Her immediate thought was it would reflect bad on her.
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Old 08-04-2015, 06:37 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Strat, it's very normal for parents and other relatives to want to avoid dealing with that. Otherwise they might feel a whole lot of guilt. Best way to deal with it is with a caring professional.

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Old 08-04-2015, 06:38 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Strat, I'm sorry that happened to you, really sorry.

I suspect you kind of knew how your mother would respond, but you were hoping for something different, something kind and caring? And, I do hope that you talk to your counsellor about it and hopefully begin to find some peace.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

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Old 08-04-2015, 06:40 PM   #4 (permalink)

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We all want to love our mothers and believe they love us. However, not all parents are worthy of the title.

This is so painful to read. I am sorry that you had to hear that from her.
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Old 08-04-2015, 06:45 PM   #5 (permalink)
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You can ( and should ) share this with a therapist. Many of us have had painful experiences in our past, but we have the ability to seek help for them now.
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Old 08-04-2015, 06:51 PM   #6 (permalink)
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None of us get to choose our parents.

All of us get to choose what we do next.

I hope you choose to rise above, take action, and conquer.
You will never possess what you choose not to pursue.
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Old 08-04-2015, 07:04 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Grrrr, that makes me mad. Sorry to hear that Strat. I'm sure your mother is a fine person, but in this particular instance...she didn't pass the test. Her first and foremost concern should have been for you, and wanting to discuss it. Again, sorry to hear that man.
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Old 08-04-2015, 07:16 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Dear Strat, she is so, so wrong. These people (your family) are invalidating what you have been through. Don't listen to it. They may be frightened to face their own fears. That's their problem. You know what? I think you are a really strong person and can see things for what they are. You are doing so well. Keep going! And I think it would be fabulous if you could make a connection with a councilor/ therapist. You so deserve to be nurtured after everything you have been through.
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Old 08-04-2015, 07:58 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I see your posting a ton and are going through a rough patch. The ball is in your court. Have you thought about reaching out or checking into a county facility? You should have access to a trained mental health profressional. Sounds like you have been dealing with this for several years. Just like drinking it can change today. You can make a change and get some help. You need to be proactive. If you are having severe pstd or anxiety please go to the ER. Please stop torturing yourself and take the first step. Don't take no for answer until you get the help you need to stop disassociting. I don't know you other then you posts on SR. I got help for anxiety and it has helped alot. Just want to see you get into a better frame of mind safely without drking, drugs, or self mutilation.
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Old 08-05-2015, 02:53 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Regardless of what people say, we get to make our own choices, and that includes sharing information that we want to share with a counsellor!!

I really think though you need to get help and support for all of the things going on at the moment, and I know you mentioned you've been coming up against a brick wall, but you got to give it another shot, there has to be some resources out there that can help.
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Old 08-11-2015, 12:06 PM   #11 (permalink)

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Hey guys, thanks. I'm just kinda waiting, waiting, waiting for support of some kind, they want me to start with addiction counselling and thats coming up later in the month. She is an absolute B' to be honest. I never wanted to admit that to myself but after everything that has happened in my life there is finally no denying it. I didn't have any expectations when I told her this I was basically unburdening myself of a secret I kept for about 25 years. I 'let it slip' one night to my mates when we were jackass drunk as a teenagers but I don't remember much afterwards.

Well, here reaction was disappointing to say the least. It's the same with any interaction I've had with her that involved me being honest which are few. I was desperate to have an honest relationship with her, it's the only type I can have with anyone without ending up insane and contary to my only plan in life I was stuck around her and tied to the area anyway, unable to escape. In that instant however when she replied I knew the reason why. She has been brainwashing my siblings and they have all been going to counselling about 'the hard life they have had' under my father. While there is a lot of truth to that it's me who has had the hard life mostly. None of them were abused like I was and being the oldest I remember further back than the rest. All the abuse was coming from her up to a point, basically until my father snapped it was all her. Totally irresponsible, a thief, a fraudster, a liar, no interest in family life- ever- I've been putting the pieces of their jigsaw together all my life because it did get very complex once my father refused to go to work because she was bringing so much chaos into our lives when he wasn't around (it was a different extreme then, overt as opposed to covert with him trying to straighten her out where the only dignified thing to do was to walk away). Oh lord, I could go on and on her but I'l get to the point.

Once she said that, even though I had literally no expectations I knew in that instant (the disappointing part being this was her very first thought which made me quite ill) what I knew was this: she's been spinning a web of lies to counselors for years now, about her being this port innocent victim of my father, how we could never live a normal family life - it's the other way around! I swear to God it is and nobody knows this except me. I asked her a few years back if a lot of the things I hears about her all my life (and witnessed) were true, just so we could clear the air and start anew, that it had been messing with my head all my life and it was important for her just to be honest with me. Well she denied all and has been on a slandering mission since, none of my siblings will talk to me. I HEARD HER telling them individually if they remembered one time e.g. that I was mean to my sister when we were small and all this crap, she hates me as a result that I have never been nice to her! Guys when I had money I would give them money, cool presents and stuff (we are all adults) but apart from that we don't have much in common I've my own personal life and relationship's have been chaotic right… I could go on again but her, look at this picture;

So, it's too late for the siblings. She has promised them a utopia so long as they demonize and don't talk to me and if they buy into that they are no better. Which they have, so they are no better.

Guys I have got to ensure that these F'ers do not have an influence in my kids life, which they already have far too much of. There has to be protocols for this in society, so far I'm looking into legal...
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