Hey guys, thanks. I'm just kinda waiting, waiting, waiting for support of some kind, they want me to start with addiction counselling and thats coming up later in the month. She is an absolute B' to be honest. I never wanted to admit that to myself but after everything that has happened in my life there is finally no denying it. I didn't have any expectations when I told her this I was basically unburdening myself of a secret I kept for about 25 years. I 'let it slip' one night to my mates when we were jackass drunk as a teenagers but I don't remember much afterwards.
Well, here reaction was disappointing to say the least. It's the same with any interaction I've had with her that involved me being honest which are few. I was desperate to have an honest relationship with her, it's the only type I can have with anyone without ending up insane and contary to my only plan in life I was stuck around her and tied to the area anyway, unable to escape. In that instant however when she replied I knew the reason why. She has been brainwashing my siblings and they have all been going to counselling about 'the hard life they have had' under my father. While there is a lot of truth to that it's me who has had the hard life mostly. None of them were abused like I was and being the oldest I remember further back than the rest. All the abuse was coming from her up to a point, basically until my father snapped it was all her. Totally irresponsible, a thief, a fraudster, a liar, no interest in family life- ever- I've been putting the pieces of their jigsaw together all my life because it did get very complex once my father refused to go to work because she was bringing so much chaos into our lives when he wasn't around (it was a different extreme then, overt as opposed to covert with him trying to straighten her out where the only dignified thing to do was to walk away). Oh lord, I could go on and on her but I'l get to the point.
Once she said that, even though I had literally no expectations I knew in that instant (the disappointing part being this was her very first thought which made me quite ill) what I knew was this: she's been spinning a web of lies to counselors for years now, about her being this port innocent victim of my father, how we could never live a normal family life - it's the other way around! I swear to God it is and nobody knows this except me. I asked her a few years back if a lot of the things I hears about her all my life (and witnessed) were true, just so we could clear the air and start anew, that it had been messing with my head all my life and it was important for her just to be honest with me. Well she denied all and has been on a slandering mission since, none of my siblings will talk to me. I HEARD HER telling them individually if they remembered one time e.g. that I was mean to my sister when we were small and all this crap, she hates me as a result that I have never been nice to her! Guys when I had money I would give them money, cool presents and stuff (we are all adults) but apart from that we don't have much in common I've my own personal life and relationship's have been chaotic right… I could go on again but her, look at this picture;
So, it's too late for the siblings. She has promised them a utopia so long as they demonize and don't talk to me and if they buy into that they are no better. Which they have, so they are no better.
Guys I have got to ensure that these F'ers do not have an influence in my kids life, which they already have far too much of. There has to be protocols for this in society, so far I'm looking into legal...