Newbie here...
 

Hello,

I have been a long time lurker and one time poster (a couple years back) on SR. I find the posts here really inspiring so I figured I would reach out and say hello.

In a nutshell drinking has become more of a habit than anything else for me and I'm bored and sick and tired of my habit. I don't get terrible hangovers and when I take breaks I don't get withdrawels but what I have grown to hate about my situation is that I am constantly thinking about how much wine I have and if it's enough for the evening. It's so exhausting! These are the couple of things I am frustrated by in particular:

1. Planning to shop at different stores because I don't want the same clerks to see me over and over. Even if the different stores mean spending more $ or wasting gas getting there.
2. Stopping with my kids at "the store" and seeing their faces like "really, again mom?".
3. Bringing wine into the house - I always feel like the neighbors are watching my every move. This is obviously my insecurity knowing what I should not be doing.
4. Trash day - I recycle and I am paranoid that my recycle bin will tip over and that my neighbors will see multiple bottles…this happened once and I was mortified but it didn't stop me.

p.s. I am making my neighbors sound awful but they are some of the nicest neighbors anyone could have. :)

As you can see a waste of time, waste of money, etc. Waste, waste, waste.

I actually have spent a LOT of time reading and thinking and reading and thinking and I have made significant changes in my life over the last year. But, it's not enough.

I have not hit any type of bottom, I didn't have any big wake up call, I am just tired of putting so much effort into having a drink. It's just too much work.

I have been trying to find other things to occupy my time. I started a new book, I walk, I am going to bed earlier, and hopefully I will keep posting here. I think it will help a lot. Oh, and this is day 2! Yay!

Thanks for listening. Have a good night!

J

Day 2 is great, and good for you for dealing with things before they get worse. And, boy do I ever remember the exhaustion of 'managing' my drinking. I love that you are walking and reading, two of my favorite activities.

Hi JaCee! :) You sound ready to be rid of it. It feels so good to be free. Nice work on making this huge decision - and congrats on Day 2.

You sound like me. Just. To.orrow I get my 30 day chip from aa. I've even lost some weight. You can do this too. I belive in you.

Ditto. You sound like me. Join the August group. End of day 2 for me, also.

Thanks Anna, Hevyn, Robinson, and Roger! Appreciate the support! Roger, I think I will join the August group! I'll do it tomorrow - thanks for the suggestion and congrats on day 2 for you also!

Hi JaCee,
Welcome to SR! Your story is almost identical to mine in every respect. I joined AA last November then joined SR shortly after. I had the same type drinking "thoughts" and "behaviors" as you. I didn't hit a low bottom, have physical dependence or withdrawal symptoms. But I did have the crazy thoughts and behaviors that a "normal" drinker does not have. I feel so blessed that I was able, like you, to recognize a problem was leading me to full blown , low bottom alcoholism and I needed to stop ! I know it was just a matter of time before I spiraled out of control. Stick with it, sobriety is a beautiful gift and every day gets better. It takes work and effort but its worth it . SR has been so helpful to me in reading everyone's experiences. Welcome !

Hi JaCee -- welcome! I related a lot to your post. Managing my drinking started to feel like sort of a "chore", and was bringing my mood down, although I didn't (yet) have dramatic problems happening with the outside world. Congratulations for grabbing this opportunity to get sober! You can do this, and I'll bet anything you won't regret it.

Absolutely identify with this. Tomorrow is my day 2. Wishing you the best!

Welcome Jacee

Welcome back, JaCee123. Whether you are having bad hangovers or withdrawals or not (and I always like to add a qualifying "yet" to statements such as those), it sure doesn't sound like your drinking is much fun anymore. Glad you've made the decision to try a better way of life. Hope you'll become an active participant here.

Welcome to the Forum JaCee!! :wave:

oooh your story sounds very familar! Welcome to SR :) Congratulations on day 2 your doing brilliantly x Trust me it will be the best decision your'll ever make.

I rotated liquor stores too and would buy whatever with a 3 year old or a 10 month old with me.

Thanks so much everyone!! I'm sorry I didn't respond earlier! Yesterday was a crazy day...just busy overall. Today is day 4 but I will wait until the end of the day to truly call it that :) One thing I have noticed is that I am hungry! Really hungry...I have started to make great strides with my weight this past year so I hope this doesn't mess that up. I am going to pay extra close attention with that because I really want to stay on track - going for a nice long walk later!

Other than that, planning to still join the August group (haven't done that yet!) and more importantly the weekend group...this will be the first weekend for me so a bit nervous.

Have a great day everyone!
J

J - those 'firsts' are challenging, but they get easier as you go along. You're going to do this. (It's wise to be prepared, though - posting here helps with the anxiety.)

Thanks! Yes, I will definitely be posting over the weekend :)

Check out this great forum for women drinkers (mothers) called:

cryingoutnow.com

You'll be able to relate to these posts!!

Finishing day 90. Proud to be a sober man.

At a casino drinking Pelegrino and Smartwater. Tastes like a vodka tonic.

Saw a lot of people drinking today. Saw a few people I thought were severely drunk.

Don't miss that at all. Feels great to be sober and relaxed.

:c009::c012::wavey::welcome