JerryFish

I;m turning into an *******. I hate that part of me, it's not there when i don't drink but it shows up when I do.

I want to quit. I will probably at one pont , it's inevitbale. But right now I;m embarrassed and quite drunk. Embarrassed because of my other thread where I got quite humilitiating. Drunk because of the one beer I picked up a week ago and it can't seem to stop.

Tomorrow is a new day, hopefully. And i will try to quit. But this alcoholism problem is heavier than I thought. Not readu to call it a disease yet, but it coud be.

Sorry if I offended nyone, not sure if i did. Sorry just in case, it wan;t me. just the drunk me. Which is no excuse I know but it is the reason.

If i offended anyone at all that is, hope not.

Peace.

blueberry2015

You havent offended me x Try and get some rest hun, sleep it off x

PurpleKnight

Hey Jerry, you know we're here for you, of course we are.

Rest up, tomorrows a new day, never give up!!

bexxed

I hope you sleep it off. I read some of your other stuff and it sounds like you have some real depth. Trauma is hard. It's basically impossible, I think, to deal with without dealing with the addiction that runs in and out and around it, and more, as time goes by. It doesn't get easier and hurts more every time. A good therapist and a plan to deal with the "I'm just gonna drink a beer" can help. I'm terrible with plans (see my post about it) but maybe it's just... call someone. breathe. yell "NO".

Take care of you.

Tooshabby

The main thing is that you get back on track and know that you can keep returning to SR for support no matter what has gone on before. We all reside somewhere on the cot-case spectrum :-)

JerryFish

I must have been hallucinating . My tendenct for psychosis sometimes come sup. I swear this thread had more posts in it. Sometimes I lose track of reality and imagintation, especially when drunk.

I wanted to say Iapprecirate everything. And have a new desire to get my life back on track. I still feel deeply humiliated, I was doing so well and was helping people and then dipped into the other side of it. But I do feel like getting back up. And I will. My desire to just die is gone. Nexg time I'll be more cautious with hepling ppl though. I was walking the walk and helped. But crashed. Which mens that I need to get a solid sobriety point before I cn help others.

I feel like Darth Vader, without the eviless and stuff. I hear my breating and its not in a good pattern.

Ok, I think it;ss time to really stop posting. I can;t write well, probably hallucinated and am feelng like DV. I'll see tomorrow. which will be a moment where i will feel embarrassed.

In fac,t, and this is a real problem. The fact thay I posted all this might make me run away, I will still bee wokring on sobriety, but I might be too humiliated to come back here. Yes, I'm askng for encouragement. It's jsut that I can't show my face here again tomorrrow. Now I dont care, but tomorrow I will.

FrankLapidas

Don't feel humiliated, Jerry. Most of us have been there.

Anna

Jerry, you are welcome to post as often as you like, especially if you are struggling. That's why we're here.

Zebra1275

You didn't offend me.

I've been drunk before.

Now I'm sober, this time for over 5 years now. You can get there too. What did it for me was the combination of this website and AA. I used both pretty frequently in the beginning.

Saskia

Jerry, you didn't offend me either! I hope you will climb back on the sober wagon as soon as you can. I agree that you need to take care of you first and foremost. This disease of addiction is a truly nasty one. We're here to support you in your journey.

Hevyn

We're going to be here tomorrow, Jerry - and no one's going to be looking down on you. Get yourself some rest - better days are coming.

Zufrieden

Hang in Jerry!
No shame in this. Learn from it and move on.
We are here.
Jonathan

Needtobreathe

The shame. It lingers. It's present even when I drink now. A turning point for me was when my brother said, during an argument that he initially provoked (and to which my drunken self attached), "You drink wine and **** hits the fan." That's been two weeks ago and today is my day 1. Two things stand out to me: 1) his statement is sometimes true. 2) he is using that as a way to shirk responsibility for his own contributions.

And how often I have felt this way---my own guilt and shame taking over and melting into a self-loathing soup. I take on too much because I can't bear to confront statements like that one.

No more, dammit! I want to be clear with myself. I want to know where I stand with me.

I wish you luck and hope you wake up tomorrow to a new day and plan. I hope the same for myself.

JaCee123

Hey Jerry!

I am new here myself but just wanted to wish you well. I hope you come back tomorrow - I don't think anyone here is judging you and you shouldn't feel embarressed. Good luck

J

bexxed

No shame. The thread DID have more posts in it, Jerry! You did not hallucinate. Either the mods took them out or those who posted deleted them. And your response was perfectly understandable, I thought. You have nothing to be humiliated about. We have all been there. Hang in and come back.

wehav2day

Jerry, if there's anyone who understands the drink, regret, repeat cycle it's us!

Get some rest. Don't buy anymore booze. Drink a loooooooot of water. Come back on here.

Why come back to sr tomorrow? Because we want to see you are still alive, still wanting to beat this. None of us gives a rats ass if you "embarrassed" yourself, Jerry. We've done it too. I've done it mannnnyyy times. But I broke the cycle and you can too.

I think you know it's a disease now, Jerry. Let's do something about it by seeking some help. Something bigger than you, bigger than sr even. Some face to face dr stuff. You can do it. Well be here every step of the way, encouraging you like crazy. But only you can make it happen.

2WheelsGood

No judgement, Jerry. We have all been there.

Get hydrated, toss out the remaining booze, and go to bed. See you tomorrowon Day 1. You really can do this. The fact that you're still here tells me you have the motivation.

Good night.

Soberwolf

What Anna said