Truthseeker11

We had just gotten back together and he was treating me like gold. Then Saturday night I went to his house to watch a movie. He offered me vodka, though he wasn't drinking. I didn't have a shot glass so I was just pouring the vodka into my cup rather copiously. Three drinks later and God knows how many actual ounces of vodka, I was arguing with him and I think daring him to hit me, and I must have said some pretty bad things because he said "sorry, this isn't going to work." The next day I went home distraught, not having any recollection of what happened, only knowing he broke up with me. I've been emailing him a lot but no reply. I am definitely using this as a very good reason to get sober. I am 40 and way too old to be blacking out. Do I have any chance of getting him back? I would have thought that if he truly loved me he'd understand I was wasted and not in control. Alcohol is so punishing in so many ways. He gets drunk too sometimes but he's a happy drunk and for me it just magnifies whatever I am feeling, so bad day followed by drinking equals confrontational, insecure and aggressive at times. I am giving him space but this is killing me. Trying to quit when I am feeling so much pain is extra hard, but yesterday I drank two six packs of beer to try to feel better and I didn't, and had a pain in one of my kidneys and today I feel awful.

I do not, nor have I ever, felt comfortable in my own skin. Drinking helps me feel that. How can I feel comfortable in my own skin for once in my life? I know he wants me to do that. I know he does not like that I am so insecure and self-conscious. I'm afraid I will be even more so those things if Iget sober.

Dee74

Hi Truthseeker,

I dunno - I treated some people in my life pretty badly.
I understand now why they left.

People have limits, whether it's them being treated badly, or them not being able to watch us destroy ourselves..

I don't know if you can get your bf back - but I do know that you getting sober and staying that way will give you the best chance of a great life

D

thomas11

Its interesting (and a bit troubling) that you drank 12 beers the next day to feel better about feeling bad from something alcohol caused you to do in the first place. Its a bit perplexing. Maybe try and tackle one issue at a time, with #1 being the booze.

least

But you chose to get drunk. It's not up to him to 'understand' you when all he can see is your bad behavior. I'd worry less about getting him back and work more on staying sober.

NestWasEmpty

Hmm It's not imposable , but could be highly unlikely unless you show him you are going to stop

Anna

Yes, understandably people have limits as to how much nonsense they will put up with. We usually learn that the hard way.

The best thing you can do right now is to stay sober and work on your recovery. I know how it feels to be uncomfortable in your own skin. For me, it only started to feel comfortable when I stopped drinking for good. At that point, I was able to see that I was a good person...and you are too.

Ghosts31

Hi Truthseeker
I can understand what you're feeling and what a difficult time you are going through.
I've also lost many people in my life because of my drinking including my girlfriend of two years just yesterday ... Due in part to her not being able to forgive a destructive drinking binge I went on over three weeks ago when I was having a bad day. While I don't like it I accept it and understand she reached her limits with my problem.
If you are anything like me never say never to the prospect of winning his love back if it's meant to be. But while I feel that way, I also know the only way that is even a possibility for me is to do some soul searching, reach deep inside myself and work on doing the things necessary to become healthy again and a better person so past mistakes won't be repeated.
One thing I learned (and she drinks a bit too) is that if I want to have any chance at doing those things I mentioned, let alone winning back the love of my GF, is that I cannot drink alcohol anymore under any circumstances and I have to feel good about myself again before I can love someone else.
Now is as good a time to get to sobriety as any... It's amazing how good you will start to feel about yourself every morning when you wake up after even a few days.

blueberry2015

Bless you hun x I am so sorry for your relationship difficulties. Whether you can salvage your relationship no one can say, and I agree with the others addressing your drinking would be the first step. You however need to want to do this for yourself and no one else. Sometimes it takes a "wake up call" in order to take the first steps on the road to recovery. Maybe this is your call? If you want to take steps to improve your life and with the people you love and care about, now would be a good time to start. Personally I would give your bf a bit of space for now. Whatever you do dont make promises to him, the very least you can say is that you want to get sober and ask for his support. X x x Good Luck x x

tomsteve

After reading your thread from a few months ago, seems some more of the truth may be coming out. Back then I didn't read anything about YOUR drinking, which maybe caused him to stop contacting you? I'm reading some serious codependcy going on along with alcoholism.
"I would have thought that if he truly loved me he'd understand I was wasted and not in control. "

He very well might understand and, beings how I was a blackout drinker, so do I. Many,many mornings I was told of things I did and said. I believed it as there were times I was just in a brownout and remember my behavior.
And what happened?
The poeple around me got dragged down with me. As long as they let me around them they were going to suffer.
The smartest move, IMO, anyone who was around me made was to toss me out of their lives. I was going to do absolutley nothing but bring insanity into their lives.They understood I was drunk. They understood what alcohol did to me. That it was alcohol in control and not me.
And that would be an absolutly insane reason to keep me in their lives. I was able to get in their shoes after I got sober and see that.
The last paragraph ya wrote could have been from me some time ago.
Gettin sober and working on me helped me see the causes and conditions for the ALL of the fears in my life. Made me comfortable with who I am- which I never knew before. I did it for me.

I hope and pray you want to get sober and work on fixing you for you and you alone. Yur worth it and life is awesome!

ckoures

I don't have any great advice. I just left a long-term marriage so I'm not a good councillor for that. But I guarantee you must live for you. I don't feel comfortable in my skin either. But there comes a point, at least for me, that the hole inside of me was too big to fill with anything. Particularly not alcohol. I've only been sober this time for a couple of weeks but I am trying to see who I am. I do stuff I haven't for years. Go to the library. Sit in a coffee house. Read. Meditate. Anything to see who I am because I am certain, as I am certain for you, we are both people worthy of feeling at home in our own skin. I'm in your corner

Pondlady

Blackout: Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget by Sarah Hepola ? Reviews, Discussion, Bookclubs, Lists

I've posted a link to a book titled "Blackout, Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget.

It's a true accounting of a woman and her blackouts. She speaks about how she thought drinking gave her power, but in truth, the opposite occurred. She became aggressive and did embarrassing things while she was blacked out.

I think many of us feel the same way, till the reality of what alcohol does to us sinks in.

sugarbear1

I was desperate and hopeless enough, those 12 steps helped me to feel comfortable in my own skin for the first time when I was 50 years old. I'm now 54 and 4 year sober!

Ruby2

I am sorry you're hurting. I was never comfortable in my own skin either. I've become a lot more comfortable now that I'm not drinking.

I don't know that things will work out with your boyfriend. Maybe they will, and maybe they won't. But continuing to drink will probably ensure it won't happen. People get tired of the roller coaster ride. Are we going to be the shrieking violent verbally abusive drunk or the happy go Lucky laughing drunk? Which personality is going to show up with this drunken episode? It's exhausting. I could pretty much guess which one would come out when I drank but I'd still choose to drink.

I love my husband who is also an alcoholic. I know that he does a lit of what he does because he's drunk. I got sober a bit ago so I understand what it's like. But even I have been close to saying no more.

Stick here for support. Give sobriety a go. Don't drink.

Jsbodhi

My boyfriend before last left me after SEVERAL drunken outbursts, it sucks.
I can be a monster, I don't remember either. Maybe thats a good thing.... Ignorance is bliss?
I feel ya darlin xo

MelindaFlowers

If you get sober now there could be a chance.

In my life at the end of my drinking, everything depended on me getting sober.

Soberwolf

Welcome Truthseeker nice to meet youyoul find so much support here

MythOfSisyphus

I'm not sure, Truthseeker. To flip the script he's probably thinking if you cared about him you wouldn't get blackout drunk and pick a fight. No sane, healthy person wants to deal with that much less build a life on it. You may be able to win him back but not without addressing your drinking. And not just for him, also for you.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Truthseeker!!

Sounds like you need to draw a line under your drinking, and not for the purpose of rebuilding this relationship but for yourself, do it for you, because it sounds like alcohol is only causing misery.

You have to realise that from the other side of the coin it's not fair on him having to put up with your drinking, is he expected to simply put up with an unlimited amount of your drinking? or wait around indefinitely in the hope that you change your ways? letting his life pass him by waiting for someone else to sort their life out?

You can do it, commit to Sobriety and turn things around!!

Nonsensical

Balogna.

Drinking turns you into a jerk.

If you care about the man stop trying to make him accept your drinking problem. It's not fair to him. Get yourself a sober life and you'll be amazed at how good things seem to start happening.

You can do this.

Rootin' for ya!

DoubleDragons

Honestly, the healthier the man that he is, the less likely he is to stay with you, unless you get earnest about quitting drinking alcohol. And you will be your healthiest self, once you get alcohol out of your picture. Likes attract likes. So, why not work on being your healthiest self and then see if the fireworks are still there and you if you two are even still a good fit??