My boyfriend left me because of a drunken outburst
Realising my life
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Dorset, England
Posts: 3,656
I don't know what will happen with your boyfriend, but I do know that after some sustained sobriety my confidence, self-esteem and compassion went through the roof! You may like yourself a whole lot more once you are sober - and your relationship with yourself is a lifelong one 
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: London
Posts: 27
Originally Posted by DoubleDragons 
Honestly, the healthier the man that he is, the less likely he is to stay with you, unless you get earnest about quitting drinking alcohol. And you will be your healthiest self, once you get alcohol out of your picture. Likes attract likes. So, why not work on being your healthiest self and then see if the fireworks are still there and you if you two are even still a good fit??
Truthseeker, I wish you well and I know much of what your feeling: the double whammy of adjusting to sobriety and a broken heart, but DoubleDragons is spot on.
My partner left me too because of my drinking and the 30 days we were apart as I tried to adjust were not pleasant, to say the least.
But we're back together now and I'm determined not to cheat myself or him out of a great relationship for the sake of my occasional need to "switch off". Please know you're not alone (nor judged). Been there and I think (so far) as long as you're alive, healthy and sober, everything else that matters can be fixed. Sincere good luck.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 1
He offered you the booze
So he offered u the booze, didn't help u control it, didn't drink himself?
Sounds like he's a jerk. OTE=Truthseeker11;5495600]We had just gotten back together and he was treating me like gold. Then Saturday night I went to his house to watch a movie. He offered me vodka, though he wasn't drinking. I didn't have a shot glass so I was just pouring the vodka into my cup rather copiously. Three drinks later and God knows how many actual ounces of vodka, I was arguing with him and I think daring him to hit me, and I must have said some pretty bad things because he said "sorry, this isn't going to work." The next day I went home distraught, not having any recollection of what happened, only knowing he broke up with me. I've been emailing him a lot but no reply. I am definitely using this as a very good reason to get sober. I am 40 and way too old to be blacking out. Do I have any chance of getting him back? I would have thought that if he truly loved me he'd understand I was wasted and not in control. Alcohol is so punishing in so many ways. He gets drunk too sometimes but he's a happy drunk and for me it just magnifies whatever I am feeling, so bad day followed by drinking equals confrontational, insecure and aggressive at times. I am giving him space but this is killing me. Trying to quit when I am feeling so much pain is extra hard, but yesterday I drank two six packs of beer to try to feel better and I didn't, and had a pain in one of my kidneys and today I feel awful.
I do not, nor have I ever, felt comfortable in my own skin. Drinking helps me feel that. How can I feel comfortable in my own skin for once in my life? I know he wants me to do that. I know he does not like that I am so insecure and self-conscious. I'm afraid I will be even more so those things if Iget sober.[/QUOTE]
Sounds like he's a jerk. OTE=Truthseeker11;5495600]We had just gotten back together and he was treating me like gold. Then Saturday night I went to his house to watch a movie. He offered me vodka, though he wasn't drinking. I didn't have a shot glass so I was just pouring the vodka into my cup rather copiously. Three drinks later and God knows how many actual ounces of vodka, I was arguing with him and I think daring him to hit me, and I must have said some pretty bad things because he said "sorry, this isn't going to work." The next day I went home distraught, not having any recollection of what happened, only knowing he broke up with me. I've been emailing him a lot but no reply. I am definitely using this as a very good reason to get sober. I am 40 and way too old to be blacking out. Do I have any chance of getting him back? I would have thought that if he truly loved me he'd understand I was wasted and not in control. Alcohol is so punishing in so many ways. He gets drunk too sometimes but he's a happy drunk and for me it just magnifies whatever I am feeling, so bad day followed by drinking equals confrontational, insecure and aggressive at times. I am giving him space but this is killing me. Trying to quit when I am feeling so much pain is extra hard, but yesterday I drank two six packs of beer to try to feel better and I didn't, and had a pain in one of my kidneys and today I feel awful.
I do not, nor have I ever, felt comfortable in my own skin. Drinking helps me feel that. How can I feel comfortable in my own skin for once in my life? I know he wants me to do that. I know he does not like that I am so insecure and self-conscious. I'm afraid I will be even more so those things if Iget sober.[/QUOTE]
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 70
I can understand
I can understand how you must feel. I've lost 3 girlfriends over the last 2.5 years over drinking then texting hurtful messages. Two don't talk to me anymore and the last one hasn't spoken to me in 2 weeks.
I'm trying to work on myself and going to AA. The feeling of being depressed and alone really hurts me the most. If I didn't drink, it's quite likely Id still be with the first one. Right now the last thing I want to do is drink because I don't know when to stop and that's when I get into trouble.
I'd like to know how youre handling your situation.
I'm trying to work on myself and going to AA. The feeling of being depressed and alone really hurts me the most. If I didn't drink, it's quite likely Id still be with the first one. Right now the last thing I want to do is drink because I don't know when to stop and that's when I get into trouble.
I'd like to know how youre handling your situation.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: North Yorkshire UK
Posts: 765
Originally Posted by Truthseeker11
We had just gotten back together and he was treating me like gold. Then Saturday night I went to his house to watch a movie. He offered me vodka, though he wasn't drinking. I didn't have a shot glass so I was just pouring the vodka into my cup rather copiously. Three drinks later and God knows how many actual ounces of vodka, I was arguing with him and I think daring him to hit me, and I must have said some pretty bad things because he said "sorry, this isn't going to work." The next day I went home distraught, not having any recollection of what happened, only knowing he broke up with me. I've been emailing him a lot but no reply. I am definitely using this as a very good reason to get sober. I am 40 and way too old to be blacking out. Do I have any chance of getting him back? I would have thought that if he truly loved me he'd understand I was wasted and not in control. Alcohol is so punishing in so many ways. He gets drunk too sometimes but he's a happy drunk and for me it just magnifies whatever I am feeling, so bad day followed by drinking equals confrontational, insecure and aggressive at times. I am giving him space but this is killing me. Trying to quit when I am feeling so much pain is extra hard, but yesterday I drank two six packs of beer to try to feel better and I didn't, and had a pain in one of my kidneys and today I feel awful.
I do not, nor have I ever, felt comfortable in my own skin. Drinking helps me feel that. How can I feel comfortable in my own skin for once in my life? I know he wants me to do that. I know he does not like that I am so insecure and self-conscious. I'm afraid I will be even more so those things if Iget sober.
I do not, nor have I ever, felt comfortable in my own skin. Drinking helps me feel that. How can I feel comfortable in my own skin for once in my life? I know he wants me to do that. I know he does not like that I am so insecure and self-conscious. I'm afraid I will be even more so those things if Iget sober.
I think start at the "I do not, nor have I ever, felt comfortable in my own skin". You have come to a great place to get support in helping you to stop drinking but that sentence perhaps needs you to find someone who can help unravel it. We all carry emotional baggage but sometimes we need help deciding what we carry as hand luggage and what needs to go in the hold.
He offered you vodka but regardless of shot glass or cup it was your choice to drink it. To then goad him into hitting you - well perhaps the relationship is something that you need to leave right now and spend some time just getting yourself in a good place.
Wishing you all the best
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