Hi
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
Hi
I'm here again, different, but, not surprisingly still the same messed up person. I feel like saying hello but not much more. I'm feeling quiet. Please don't ask me what I will do differently. It's all I can think about when I talk to recovery community... And... I don't know. I guess I can start with not drinking again. Taking self care more seriously. Refusing to negotiate. All things I thought I'd do before, and didn't. So I feel like I give the wrong answer. I don't even remember. I'm here, got three days, and am reading all y'all's words. Thanks for them.
xo -B
xo -B
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
Welcome back Bexxed 
just by the way, I don't ask that question to antagonise people - it really is important to have a plan and to learn from our mistakes.
This is a great link that should help you work out a plan tailored to your needs
https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...0/SMA-3720.pdf
D
just by the way, I don't ask that question to antagonise people - it really is important to have a plan and to learn from our mistakes.
This is a great link that should help you work out a plan tailored to your needs
https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...0/SMA-3720.pdf
D
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
Thanks. And yeah, Dee, of course you don't!!!!
And what does one do differently? My SO happily suggested a beer before the baseball game. Do I make grand declarations? No. (Never mind that she saw me all day Saturday, death warmed over seven times, not to leave out Friday, which I remember much less vividly).
I'm a "high functioning" drunk. I made something up about doing work and parking my car. I mean, I said on Saturday that this can never happen again, and again today that that God is more important than this stuff that sits in beer bottles. Apparently I have to keep repeating myself.
I just want to be alone.
And what does one do differently? My SO happily suggested a beer before the baseball game. Do I make grand declarations? No. (Never mind that she saw me all day Saturday, death warmed over seven times, not to leave out Friday, which I remember much less vividly).
I'm a "high functioning" drunk. I made something up about doing work and parking my car. I mean, I said on Saturday that this can never happen again, and again today that that God is more important than this stuff that sits in beer bottles. Apparently I have to keep repeating myself.
I just want to be alone.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
I don't need to make grand declarations right? It can come in its own time, or, rather, in my time. I can just say "tonight, I'm not doing this. I'm doing that instead". Honestly, I remembered on Saturday, how great it feels physically to not be pickled. I remembered it because I thought "dang, I'm gonna have to stop this. This has to go. I can't. This isn't living. Oh man it's gonna suck." And then thought, wait, what?! It doesn't suck. Who am I right now? Being clear is anything but negative. It is an amazing feeling and it's starting to come back. The other stuff is great, too, I just didn't have it very long so it's hard to tell. But keeping things simple is really amazing, like a constant fresh feeling. How to not get knocked off kilter? Probably protect it more than I did. Thanks. I am feeling down. I think I can get past it.
xo ~B
xo ~B
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Hey Bexxed,
Going back and reading your posts - we are on a very similar journey it appears - even both disappearing from this site in 2013 and coming back now.
I had no idea it was you who had written the original "memories of liquor store cashier" post. It's always been one of the more honest, insightful and sad posts I've read. I return to it often.
I haven't righted my ship as of yet (again), but it feels good to be back here.
Sending you lots of positive light.
Stay strong.
Going back and reading your posts - we are on a very similar journey it appears - even both disappearing from this site in 2013 and coming back now.
I had no idea it was you who had written the original "memories of liquor store cashier" post. It's always been one of the more honest, insightful and sad posts I've read. I return to it often.
I haven't righted my ship as of yet (again), but it feels good to be back here.
Sending you lots of positive light.
Stay strong.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
Hi!
I was surprised to see that post resurrected, and it was good for me to read it, now, too, for varying reasons. That person who wrote it was me, two years ago, before I went to visit friends that summer and had that one glass of wine. And of course it all came back, too... Noticing the cashiers again, after awhile. But I'd forgotten I'd written it. I should write more.
I'm glad we are all back. I've been working a lot but basically am checking in here every day for the most part: sometimes more, sometimes less.
I was surprised to see that post resurrected, and it was good for me to read it, now, too, for varying reasons. That person who wrote it was me, two years ago, before I went to visit friends that summer and had that one glass of wine. And of course it all came back, too... Noticing the cashiers again, after awhile. But I'd forgotten I'd written it. I should write more.
I'm glad we are all back. I've been working a lot but basically am checking in here every day for the most part: sometimes more, sometimes less.
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