I'm back, I need help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: East coast
Posts: 54
I'm back, I need help
Hello SR forums! It's been over a year since I posted and I'm not proud to admit it's been more of the same for me. I've achieved great success in this time: I'm now a manager, I have a brand new car. I manage my financial obligations. I've been doing these things for over a year now. The rub: I haven't quit alcohol. And I really want to. I feel the aftereffects the next day. The anxiety. The guilt. That I'm not "myself". I've done a great job of hiding it and career-wise I'm rocking it out. Things are better now then when I took over the store last May. But I know I'm killing myself and I can't deal with feelings of self-destruction/self loathing that accompany this drinking. I want out. For good. If you look up my older posts you'll see that I found a girlfriend last year. She moved away for a job and I tried really hard to make the travels and make it work. In the end, she left me. Had nothing to do w/ alcohol. Now I'm alone and self medicating per usual and I'm just fed up. I work 48 hours a week minimum and I care a lot about my career. The messed up part about that? I've been drinking the entire time. "Functional" alcoholic. I don't want to be "any" kind of alcoholic but I guess that's not up to me. In the end I have a choice. Stop any alcohol intake or be a practicing alcoholic. I really don't want to be a practicing alcoholic any longer!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome back Blowfish, glad you came back seeking help. Have you given any thought as to what method or plan you might use to quit? I know the feeling of being fed up, I was there at one point not all that long ago too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: East coast
Posts: 54
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Welcome back blowfish - sounds to me like you have every reason in the world to quit 
D
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Originally Posted by Blowfish
I don't want to be "any" kind of alcoholic but I guess that's not up to me. In the end I have a choice. Stop any alcohol intake or be a practicing alcoholic. I really don't want to be a practicing alcoholic any longer!
Hi.
Not being an alcoholic anymore is like trying to unring the bell, once one always one. I refer myself as a person who cannot drink alcohol in safety AND I accept it. I was chairing a newcomers meeting yesterday and after giving my experience someone said “you’re a real alcoholic.” That’s true there is no ˝ way and we do something about it or continue with a progressively miserable life.
Becoming recovered requires work and change continually with a program that works.
Self honesty about our drinking, accepting the fact we cannot drink anymore in safety and doing something about it is a good start along with making sobriety our #1 daily goal.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by Blowfish
In the end I have a choice. Stop any alcohol intake or be a practicing alcoholic. I really don't want to be a practicing alcoholic any longer!
Most of us here were in that same boat.
Yet, escaped the grip of the liquid devil.
MB
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 403
Welcome back.
I was functional, until I wasn't. I was highly functional and even received one of the highest promotions one could receive during my "days". I wasn't really drinking on the job, but before and after, and after, through the night.
Then, quickly, and without warning, I was not able to function. My body surprised me with that, just like i showered it-while it was shocked-again and again with alcohol.
I'm not very long into this. Just shy of a month and counting. I've heard this again and again on here and I'll admit I thought it was an exaggeration. People say life has never been better. I couldn't believe it. Life without alcohol? How? I'm not gonna lie. When I see people casually, and that's the key word, sipping on wine or mixed drinks in their pictures, I get jealous, thinking why couldn't I have handle it. But life is better for ME, because I can't handle alcohol. It was doing nothing but making my life and those around me miserable. In the beginning stages, it was euphoric, took the edge off, numbed me, gave me a rush and a pleasurable high, until it didn't. The end was a nightmare of barely maintaining. It took a dramatic step, sadly, for me to quit. Rush to ER, followed by ICU, then hospital stay. This was because I went on a bender. Otherwise, I'd still be drinking.
My tab at the hospital is insane. Even after insurance. I'm a little down about that, but I look at it as buying sobriety. Nothing else was working. I'd have quits here and there, but they didn't stick more than a few days.
I was functional, until I wasn't. I was highly functional and even received one of the highest promotions one could receive during my "days". I wasn't really drinking on the job, but before and after, and after, through the night.
Then, quickly, and without warning, I was not able to function. My body surprised me with that, just like i showered it-while it was shocked-again and again with alcohol.
I'm not very long into this. Just shy of a month and counting. I've heard this again and again on here and I'll admit I thought it was an exaggeration. People say life has never been better. I couldn't believe it. Life without alcohol? How? I'm not gonna lie. When I see people casually, and that's the key word, sipping on wine or mixed drinks in their pictures, I get jealous, thinking why couldn't I have handle it. But life is better for ME, because I can't handle alcohol. It was doing nothing but making my life and those around me miserable. In the beginning stages, it was euphoric, took the edge off, numbed me, gave me a rush and a pleasurable high, until it didn't. The end was a nightmare of barely maintaining. It took a dramatic step, sadly, for me to quit. Rush to ER, followed by ICU, then hospital stay. This was because I went on a bender. Otherwise, I'd still be drinking.
My tab at the hospital is insane. Even after insurance. I'm a little down about that, but I look at it as buying sobriety. Nothing else was working. I'd have quits here and there, but they didn't stick more than a few days.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
