Coming out as alcoholic to my family
 

I plan come out as an alcoholic to my family today.

I'm a single guy, never married, with three sisters. Both parents are deceased - I'm 62.

Just found out that the company I work for is being bought by another company and my job will disappear.

Because I've been a functional alcoholic for decades I have no friends. I drink alone at home after work.

So, in this time of crisis I have only my sisters to confide in. I've never told them I'm an alcoholic but I really need their support now and I feel I should get everything out in the open.

My life is going to go downhill very soon and I just need some human contact to make it bearable.

Wish me luck

There are several recent threads about how non-alcoholics do not understand our disease. While I am not necessarily trying to discourage you from "coming out," you should temper your hopes that there will be positive results.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...sking-why.html

What kind of "support" are you needing from your sisters? Do they not know that you have a drink problem? If you are 62 and still drinking, I'm sure they already know.

I agree with ColdFusion, I would think long and hard about your motivations for disclosing this to them right now. If you are about to be unemployed, there is going to be a lot of uncertainty in your life soon.

Are you still drinking? If so, this is a really important thing to tackle before you find yourself with too much time on your hands and possible anxiety from job loss.

I stopped yesterday. for what that is worth.
for support I don't mean support not drinking. I mean emotional support getting through the coming changes.
I will stop drinking. I will be going to AA.
I guess I would like everything out in the open to make it clear why they are the only support I have right now.

AA will be great for finding support and human contact. In the daytime where I live there are several meetings and a lot of the members are older at the daytime meetings - I'd say at least half are in their late 50s or older. Can you get to a meeting today?

Yes - I can get to a meeting this evening for beginners. I just need somebody to talk to.

Welcome Clearlight its really nice to meet you youl find tons of support Information and advice we'l be here every step of the way your not alone

Thanks Wolfe - I'm scared and feel like a moron for putting myself into this corner. Not the job. There was nothing I could do about that.
But, with no friends and no wife or girlfriend, I'm just sooo depressed it's difficult to move.
I know drinking will really make things worse so I'm stuck.

BTW - nice tagline.

If you're depressed, I hope that sobriety will be even more important to you. It will help you move into this next phase of your life. Having a clear mind will help you to make decisions that work for you. Perhaps you could spend more time with your sisters and their families. Personally, I didn't tell anyone when I stopped drinking. That part of my life is extremely personal and it's my experience that others simply don't understand alcoholism.

Thanks Anna
Yes, the depression has brought the importance of sobriety home in a big way.
Considering the advice I've received on this thread I will hold off on confessing my alcoholism for now.
And spending more time with my sisters is something I will be doing too - that's a good idea.
I plan to get myself to an AA meeting tonight. Really just for tell my story to somebody, somewhere.
This thread at SR is helping too.
I realize that the depression is a little off topic but I think part of that depression is caused by my isolation - which was a result of drinking every night.
The drinking replace human contact.

We are here for you also clearlight. The support here really helps.

I support your decision to go to an AA meeting and hold off on telling your family for now. Being in a room with other people who are going through or who have gone through the same thing may help you more than you can imagine.

In my own experience I wish I hadn't "outed" myself to my mother. She lives thousands of kilometres from me in another country, and my alcoholism never visibly touched her life. She had a traumatic experience with an alcoholic brother, and all I did was alarm and upset her. It was not the liberating experience I imagined it would be. Instead, I just felt regret and wished I hadn't done it.

My experience was that the alcohol caused the depression.

I don't have any close friends and my family has all died. I'm also your age and not working. I found that being alone is not debilitating once I quit drinking. I am entirely capable of finding people to spend time with when I feel the need. The alcohol really did a number on my sanity and ability to have hope and joy.

I think you'll like AA meetings - at the very least they got me out of my own head, got me dressed and out of the house, and around people who understood and were working on their issues.

Thanks Lance
It's a good thing I posted this thread. It seemed like such a cleansing idea to me. But I guess that was just thinking about me and not how it would really effect my sisters.
So the meeting is tonight and this is late morning.
I've been to a couple meetings but never spoke up.
Always got out of there as soon as the meeting ended.

Bimini-
I'm finding that I really need some human interaction right now to sort out my mind.
What you said about getting out of the house is true.
I have to get moving.

I'll try the AA.

I'm gonna give you another perspective. Coming out to my husband, teen son & a few very trusted friends was a complete game-changer for me. Most of my drinking career was hidden & done alone. The secrets kept me bound to the drink for 22 years.

I had multiple attempts at "cutting back" before this attempt at sobriety. I'm going to have 1 year this month. In my opinion it's no coincidence that I quit for good after confiding in my family & friends.

Turns out the secret I thought I had hidden for so long wasn't really a secret after all. I was met with such relief and compassion that it bolstered me thru those first shaky days and weeks. While I did not use them as my primary support, it helped knowing they knew & that they were gentle and supportive. It may not be everyone's experience but it was mine and I think you deserve to know it can be a positive and helpful.

So while you don't have to shout it from the rooftops, I think it's fine & even healthy to talk to your family about it. Like mine, they may already know anyway. I would first thoughtfully consider your expectations of them and their potential responses as well. And please know that it might not be the best idea to have them as your primary support - especially if they have no prior experience with addiction.

Either way, welcome to the best decision you ever made! Good luck & keep us posted.

ClearLight, I second others when they say to check your motivation as to why you want to break the news of the drinking to your sisters.

Although it sounds like a good idea now, you are one day sober and are about to lose your job. I have lost many jobs in my life and even though it wasn't due to drinking, those around me tried to seek blame and blamed the drinking.

Since you said your sisters are all that you have, tread lightly and I'd wait to tell them until you're at least 1 month sober so that it's not even in their mind that it is the cause for the job loss.

"The boy who didn't cry wolf because he was passed out drunk was saved by the sober ones around him. For it's the sober ones that truly know the meaning of saving and looking out for others." -- TastyCheez, 8/1/2015

Wait until you sober up for a bit before trying to get the gears in your head turning when it comes to finding ways to break the news to your sisters.

Perfect........

I am sure you are facing a lot of fear right now. We all did, but I too became displaced from a career in the height of my drinking daze.

If I knew then what I know now, I'll tell me to get 30 days under my belt with AA before I came out to anyone about anything. You're emotions are about to be very raw and sometimes we may dump our stuff on others which is not fair. They have their own stuff.

Maybe at least consider a week worth of meetings - you'll make contacts/friends in rooms quickly. Coffee, lunch etc - work toward getting a sponsor.

It did not take long and I found a great peace I did not believe was there for me. I'm not talking about all is great, but a serenity with the world around me (us).

Welcome friend,
Glad you're here!!

Thanks everybody!
Hearts - I will tell them. Just may wait a few weeks.
The meeting scares me. I guess I'm afraid of everything now. I found one in about an hour so I'm not going to wait until this evening to go.
I'm not generally very trusting of people so to reach out to a roomful of strangers is a giant leap of faith.
But I've put myself into this hole. I haven't been able to stop drinking any other way so I'm almost completely alone when I need people the most.

Yes, go to the soonest one.

And, just listen to your heart. If you don't want to talk to anyone, you don't have to. Go at your own pace. If they call on you, and you don't want to talk say, "Thanks, I'm just going to listen today." It gets easier. The alcohol has you in this place of fear. It gets better.

There is a guy that goes to my meetings here who never talks. No one is judging him. He's a really great guy, just quiet. :) I've spent time with him outside meetings and he's very engaging.