He keeps asking why
 

Had a bottle of wine last night and fell asleep ruining our lovely night. I also snuck an extra drink and my husband saw me. He wasn't even drinking. This morning he is angry
Very angry. Mostly at my sneaking as it's not the first time that has happened. He is barely speaking to me. He said he hates how I am when drinking and he seemed truly disgusted with me. He asked why and I couldn't answer. He is annoyed that I can't tell him why.

I feel very low about self today. I don't think I will ever drink again but I'm finding his hatred towards me really hard to take. Just a feeling sorry for myself post.

Hi Willow, I am so sorry you are feeling so down. I know what that feels like, to feel like you have disappointed a loved one.
A couple of things, one, you need to understand that his anger is probably coming from a place of worry and care. If you can try to accept that and realize he has a right to be angry. Two, think about what you have done as a result of the disease you have, not as a character flaw. Three, start making a plan for change. Just declaring "I won't drink ever again" doesn't cut it with many people, I know it sure didn't for me! Think about what you can do to work towards that goal of not drinking. Lastly, I would suggest trying to have a talk with your husband. Be prepared for the fact that he may not be able to understand everything you are saying or feeling, but at least let him know that you know he is angry, you know why, you agree that what you have done/are doing is unhealthy and you do not want to continue that way and maybe try to work on a plan together.

Keep your chin up. YOu are not a bad person, you are just an alcoholic. They are two different things.

Hello Willow,
Have you read the book Alcoholics Anonymous? You are describing what happened between me and my wife ... I was the drinker (40 years). The book explained what was happening in me. And after YEARS of STRUGGLING, I am now FREE from the obsession and craving and 'sneaking' drinks ... the drunkenness was only hidden by me from myself. :abcd:

Good News ... You MAY be at the point where the Pitiful & Incomprehensible Demoralization will set in motion the events and path that leads to being Happy, Joyous and FREE.

RDBplus3 ... Happy and Joyous and FREE ... and the book led me on the path to get (and stay) FREE

Willow , This might come out sounding strange , bare with me. I dated an alcoholic - before I became an alcoholic . At that time in my life I would ask him the same question Why can't you just stop -when you want to ? He too couldn't answer that question .
Anyways I kicked him to the curb cause I couldn't deal with it . I became an alcoholic in my later years . Now I know the answer to my own question . My AV won't let me :( You have to work on fighting that AV if you want to become Sober :)
Maybe you can sit down with your hubby & tell him this in a way he can understand ... Get a plan together - work on it . SR is a great place to start :grouphug:

The answer to the why question for me is because I'm an alcoholic and that is what alcoholics do.

The more important question is what am I willing to do about it

Hi Willow
"I don't think I will ever drink again but I'm finding his hatred towards me really hard to take." I read a "don't think" and a "but" in what you just said. What are you doing to make sure you don't drink again?

Action speaks volumes in this area. Addiction is a very selfish thing, and we cannot control how others react to it. We CAN take action and make plans to stop drinking and stay stopped though. When others see you making a concerted effort to stay sober ( vs sneaking around trying to hide our drinking ) their outlook will change too.

Hang in there Willow. Don't beat yourself up too bad. I was pretty good at sneaking in a few more drinks myself... As another poster said, his anger is more than likely because of worry and care. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try again. I wish you the best. :hug:

Doesn't sound like your drinking is much fun anymore. I snuck around and drank and hid bottles for years. It's a wonderful feeling to wake up now clear headed and sober and not having to worry about all the lies I told the day before. Hope you'll make your sobriety top priority from this moment forward...

I feel your misery. My bf and I had a date night last night. Our 3 month old was at Gramma and Grampa's for the night. I ruined our date night by getting drunk and trying to break up with my bf at the end of night. Telling him I regretted ever being with him, saying horrible things. I know this came from a place of pent up anger as we have been not getting along for several weeks/months. We recently bought a house that needs work, and he has two other children, one with special needs. Our lives are not easy.
He was crying this morning. I feel terrible. Of course I love him and want to work things out but I was very cold and cruel to him in my drunken state. I hate alcohol, and I hate being an 😔alcoholic.

Dde14 was supposed to be a sad face. I had 2 weeks of sobriety until last night. Sorry to hijack your thread with my own story, but your story touched me today. I understand. You aren't alone. Hugs.

It all starts with a day 1

Alcohol and addiction is his answer, my behaviours completely changed around alcohol, how much was in my glass? how little was in my glass? how can I hid my drinking? how can I sneak an extra few drinks? It didn't matter what else was going on, a wedding, a birthday, a celebration, I would become consumed and obsessed with thoughts of alcohol.

As others have mentioned you can't really explain that to someone, it's gonna be more a case of actions speaking louder than words, getting a plan in place to be Sober, being proactive and making Sobriety happen, in time he'll come around!!

Hang in there!! :)

Thanks for the replies. I'm on the phone so can't thank the posts.
Purple knight that is exactly how I am. I become so obsessed with how much drink I an get into me when I am drinking.
We just had another chat and he said that is he tired of all this. If I need help to go and get help but he doesn't want to look back in 20 years and realise he spent his life worrying about my drinking. We had a very deep chat and I explained a lot of what goes on in my head. He said I'm a completely different person when I drink and I become selfish. It's him or drink my decision.

I already made that decision. But this really is my last chance to pull myself together.

Hi Willow, sorry to hear about your situation, it sounds unpleasant. My perception of your OP is that you are not drinking to appease your husband. If I'm wrong I apologize. I think many on this forum will tell you that quitting drinking for anyone other than yourself does not have a high success rate. I have to admit though, when my wife laid down the law on my drinking, I changed...immediately. No amount of alcohol was worth losing my wife over.