GS123

I am here because I realize I have a problem, I have spent the last week cutting down drastically on opiate consumption, I am trying to "taper" as I have read many here have done. I don't know if I am fooling myself by not just stopping but I do know it will be crushing to try to stop cold turkey. I am driving 2.5 hours to a baby shower tomorrow with my fiancé, I promised I would take her to the state fair on Sunday and I work around 60 hours a week. I am taking way way too many opiates, 20-25 pills a day and have gotten down to around 10 in the last week but I NEED TO STOP. Right now I am here because I am sick and tired of being sick and tired, I want to stop. I am telling myself I will try to taper, I don't know what I am looking for with this post, just feels good to say, I am here, I have a problem and I want to deal with it.

Dee74

Hi GS

I don;t have any experience with opiate withdrawal but I wish you the best. There's a ton of support and understanding here

D

GS123

Thanks Dee. Your response and warmth literally brought tears to my eyes, knowing someone cares helps.

JK130

Thank you for sharing. You have made a terrific start!

GS123

Thanks JK, I have another question for anyone here that may know. I don't think I can ever believe in "god" or a "higher power" can I still go through NA, I know they will let me in the door and I am sure they will be nice and everything I do think personal support from people that understand is one thing I really need but I just don't think I will change my belief on that front, anyone have any experiences with that?

Saskia

Welcome, GS! For both AA and NA, a "higher power" can be anything and for many has no religious meaning. Why not try a few meetings? Some groups are better than others so if you don't feel comfortable with the first meeting you attend, then try others.

JK130

I have no experience to answer your questions but I'm interested to hear what others have to say. Without a religious background myself, I "listened in" to an online aa meeting for the 1st time tonight. The idea of fellowship appeals to me.

Mags1

Hi GS and welcome.

I have No experience of opiates but there are many here who have.

I'm pleased you found us.

GS123

Thanks Saskia and JK, I am ready to try something, such a brutal cycle, every night I go to bed hating myself so much and swearing I am done and every morning I convince myself I can just "take it easy" or be "in control" I know I can't. I have been doing better, down around 50% this week and hope to keep dropping as quickly as I can but I have so little will power on that front, seems like I am not alone in that here thankfully, time to give it my all, this site makes me feel like I am not the only person that can't help themselves, It's been a long time coming but I am ready to try anything, probably spent 10 hours today reading here and that probably stopped me from using 10 times. Still not clean but working to get there. I love the caring community here but I think face to face connections will help. Yesterday I got a letter from the condo association's (development I live in) lawyers, saying I owe 3k, 500 a month I have not paid in 6 months so I can feed the beast, I can find 15-20k an month for them but can't pay my bills, that's my low point, I will keep logging in here everytime I get the urge and keep trying because I know I can can do this for me and for those I love and I just really really want this.

Delfin

Welcome, GS,

I don't have any experience with opiates, but I have a LOT of experience with being sick and tired of being sick and tired. That's how I ended up here too.

I hope you'll stick around and let us know how things go as you move towards a better life.

Sending you lots of positive vibes,

Delfin

Saskia

GS, I won't pretend it's easy to deal with our addictions but it truly is do-able. I think your thoughts about face-to-face support are right on. Also an option: seeing an addictions counselor.

IWalkTheLine

Im trying to quit opiates myself, as soon as the withdrawals kick in though I crumble, tapering holds of the sickness, but its just too temting having the pills around. I plan on quitting cold turkey soon but its hard with work and stuff.

Does anyone know about your addiction? When I quit years ago everyone knew about it, this time its a secret addiction, so I get no help and no one to talk to thats why I beleieve it's soooo hard. Good luck, but im not sure if tapering is the best route. Keep posting how you get on.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum GS!!

Soberwolf

welcome friend

Hevyn

Very glad to meet you GS. Please know that you're never alone.

coming_clean

Heya GS,

I understand your problem with the whole religion thing I experienced the same thing at first.

Many of us did.

Just focus on gettting sober. Physically free of drugs.
Then.
Work the steps with a sponsor and an open mind.

The NA system works.
This website has loads of proof.

My personal favorite is the one day at a time approach. That really helped me brake patterns.

Good luck and take care.

thomas11

HI GS, this post really got my attention. I am currently taking between 40-80mg of oxycodone daily for some injuries. I have been taking them for 2 months. I am concerned about withdrawal and have started to taper this week, so far so good. I will be following this thread closely as I want to educate myself as much as possible. What type of withdrawal symptoms are you experiencing?
did I read that correctly that you are spending 15-20 thousand dollars per month on opiates? Wishing you the best, I will share my experience of my taper with you as I go through it. I've been told that the 3 month mark is where an addiction can develop and withdrawal can/will occur. Do you know if this is true?

GS123

Checking in, long day, drove to Connecticut for a baby shower had dinner with my cousin and her kids and then back, 6 hours or so in the car. Read a lot hear to keep myself from slipping backwards but still not clean. I am on a phone so I can't read all the posts while I type this so trying to respond to questions from what I read a few minutes ago and sorry if I miss anyone, I really appreciate all the encouragement and support. I read yesterday someone posted in one of the forums that they wrote out a plan to taper like 1 pill when u wake up and then one every 2 hours every whatever number of hours, going to try that I think to get down to a place that scares me less to stop, I have tried to stop before but I have increased amounts so much in the last 6 months that I really want to get down to a lower amount before stopping. To answer the last question I read, yes that amount was correct, I probably didn't need to be so specific, but probably 20-25 30mgs a day for the last year or so until last week, been cutting back to around 10 a day and want to write out a plan to get down to maybe 3 a day or less over next few weeks and stop from their, right now the withdrawal is just too much, hoping it will be easier if I get to a lower daily dosage. I know I have stopped for days in the past when I was doing less and it wasn't nearly as bad. In any case many thanks for the encouragement and I am still here and still on the road I know I need to be on and appreciate the support and fellowship here.

GS123

Thomas - just pretend I am writing this in all caps, stop now, taper if you can, do anything and everything you can to not go further down this road. In my experience serious withdrawal can occur way quicker than 3 months, more like 1 week will give you mild withdrawal and 3 weeks will be a much more serious issue, do not tell yourself you can stop tomorrow or the next day, I am sure many many people here will tell you they told themselves that lie, I know I did, I am in no place to judge or tell you what to do. I just wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy and hope that my experience can help you. Wish you all the best.

GS123

I know what you are experiencing, I have been ok with having them around so far as I usually get enough for at least 3 or 4 days at a time so for the last week it's just been lasting me twice as long, I haven't been perfect and that's the main reason I want to write out a taper plan so I can judge my progress and not "wing it" and let temptation get the best of me. Honestly, at this point I just take enough most of the time to not be sick, when I start feeling the sweats and cramps and what not I have been logging in here, reading to give myself strength and holding out as long as I can which has been better almost every day but I know the biggest challenges are yet to come. As far as your second question, no, pretty much no one besides "my friend" knows, I have a couple friends who think I use occassionaly but no one has any idea, I know that probably sounds arrogant and people will probably not believe that but it's the truth. It sucks, sometimes I wish everyone knew and I could just go to Inpatient and go from there but that's not my situation, I am going to try the taper plan I mentioned, come here for support and maybe try outpatient. I know talking to people face to face can be a huge asset and I may try meetings. I am not sure yet, I just know I am done being like this and I know I want and deserve better and I am going to be clean.