All Addictions place.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: nc
Posts: 765
Oh well, Gosh,
I really didn't think any one was reading it. You guy's are always so sweet and supportive.
It's going pretty good although I had another disturbing dream last night but at least I think I can interpret this one. I dreamed my ex husbands and a few previous friends were holding me hostage and I would find an escape route and take off running,
Then they would all always catch me at the same place no matter how much faster I'd run. Isn't that just classic? I think it is.
Like you can't out run your problems or drink them away. There will never be enough bourbon or enough road to out drink or run them.
In my dream I finally quit trying to get away and yelled what do you want? why are you doing this to me? I didn't get an answer, every one just started walking off and I woke up. I don't know what that part means. Oh well.
Some times I get worried like yesterday morning I was using my hand sanitizer after helping my invalid cat use the litter box and the smell automatically made me think of how much I like the smell of bourbon.
I didn't feel like it was a trigger, or is the thought I had about it what you would call a triggered response? Do any of you guy's know? I sure don't want to end up in a mess because of something like that.
I used to think I was safe from those kinds of things like I had all that control but I found out it doesn't take a lot to end up in a mess I wasn't figuring on.. Ha.
The last time started from me thinking ... Some drinking wont hurt me , at least I can get my nerves settled... there I went. Not all at once of course but that's how it started.
I truly do hope all of you have a wonderful day and thank you so much for just letting me know your there. I hope if there is any thing you guy's ever want to get off your chest or what ever please just type and share away....
I love every one of you.. I have a good feeling about today, Thanks again
I really didn't think any one was reading it. You guy's are always so sweet and supportive.
It's going pretty good although I had another disturbing dream last night but at least I think I can interpret this one. I dreamed my ex husbands and a few previous friends were holding me hostage and I would find an escape route and take off running,
Then they would all always catch me at the same place no matter how much faster I'd run. Isn't that just classic? I think it is.
Like you can't out run your problems or drink them away. There will never be enough bourbon or enough road to out drink or run them.
In my dream I finally quit trying to get away and yelled what do you want? why are you doing this to me? I didn't get an answer, every one just started walking off and I woke up. I don't know what that part means. Oh well.
Some times I get worried like yesterday morning I was using my hand sanitizer after helping my invalid cat use the litter box and the smell automatically made me think of how much I like the smell of bourbon.
I didn't feel like it was a trigger, or is the thought I had about it what you would call a triggered response? Do any of you guy's know? I sure don't want to end up in a mess because of something like that.
I used to think I was safe from those kinds of things like I had all that control but I found out it doesn't take a lot to end up in a mess I wasn't figuring on.. Ha.
The last time started from me thinking ... Some drinking wont hurt me , at least I can get my nerves settled... there I went. Not all at once of course but that's how it started.
I truly do hope all of you have a wonderful day and thank you so much for just letting me know your there. I hope if there is any thing you guy's ever want to get off your chest or what ever please just type and share away....
I love every one of you.. I have a good feeling about today, Thanks again
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Melbourne Beach, FL
Posts: 253
Rinky, it sounds like in your dream that you faced your fear when you stopped and turned around and asked what they wanted. I would be surprised if you have that dream again now that you faced it instead of running away. ANY drink is lethal to your sobriety, because they're like potato chips to an alcoholic, you can never have just one. And then it's all downhill. You need to face your AV and tell it that you're in control and bourbon isn't going to do anything but postpone your feelings. Not get rid of them. Hang in there, you can do this!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,355
Dreams are tough, I would say just let them be that, a dream, but I know ones that I have can be really weird. If it helps, you can create a journal with your thoughts and interpretations of the dreams that way you can see what is consistent with them. There is usually some underlying reason why you dream these things.
Im glad that you have stopped drinking, but sorry you have cirrhosis- did your DR say that with sustained abstinence from alcohol your situation might get better?
Im glad that you have stopped drinking, but sorry you have cirrhosis- did your DR say that with sustained abstinence from alcohol your situation might get better?
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
Hi rinky, I am glad you decided to stick around. I haven't been posting much lately, just feeling a bit down. I don't feel like drinking but I kind of feel sort of stalled out in my recovery. I have a counseling appointment today so hopefully that will help.
I am both sorry and glad that your husband moved out. Sorry because it sucks to go through a break up, no matter what the reason and glad because it sounds like you are better off without him.
Good for you about the job! I hope it turns into full time!
I hear you about the dentist fear. I have had a life long phobia around dentists. I hope you can "bite the bullet"
and just get it done.
Keep the faith, rinky, God is good
I am both sorry and glad that your husband moved out. Sorry because it sucks to go through a break up, no matter what the reason and glad because it sounds like you are better off without him.
Good for you about the job! I hope it turns into full time!
I hear you about the dentist fear. I have had a life long phobia around dentists. I hope you can "bite the bullet"
and just get it done. Keep the faith, rinky, God is good
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi Rinky, I understand get a little frustrated when we don't receive too much of a response from a thread, but don't let that define your importance. I'm sure people are reading them and thinking of you. Keep posting, and keep moving forward eah? Good luck.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: nc
Posts: 765
Good Morning,
Calibutterfly,
Thank you for your assessment of the end of my dream. That makes perfect sense. I probably couldn't have thought of that myself, That's why it helps me so much to write on here because others have a clear view. when I try to think of my situations and handle them all on my own, I find that I'm too close to it to be objective. I think you are right in that explanation. I wish all of them were that therapeutic.. lol.
jryan,
Thank you for your post. The doctors haven't said much since I was first diagnosed but when it all started, I had alcohol induced hep, and pancreatitis. I turned neon yellow and they were talking about transplants and hospice.
It took a while for it to all sink in. My ammonia level was so high I couldn't think rationally. When I stopped drinking and my mind started to clear... I got so gut wrenching scared.
I was having to take so many medications it would be too hard to list but now all I have to take is diuretics and now I don't need them all the time..
Some times I have to go get albumin infusions. That is a protein the liver usually makes that helps keep the fluid in the blood stream and through the kidneys where it should be instead of swelling in my legs and abdomen.
I haven't had to do that in a while now.. I'm hoping since I no longer need medications and I haven't had to be on any kind of special diet or worry about my ammonia that it will heal.
I'm going to have a fibroscan in the near future that is supposed to tell how much damage there is , or so I'm told. I really don't know to what extent it is and they don't either. In fact I don't like to say I have it at all. I some times try to think that I just had a really bad case of hepatitis. That would be so much easier to take.
One thing I worry about though is if I find out the damage wasn't that bad... Would I eventually use that for a green light to have a drink or two... Ya know?? I would love to think that after all I've been through that I wouldn't even entertain the idea.. But I'd be lying if I ever said or thought that.
Thank you so much for being concerned.
2ndhandrose,
I'm sorry you're feeling down at the moment. I don't really know anything about your situation yet but I know that me myself am prone to having small bouts of depression. I have seems like all my life.
It really got bad when I started through the worst part of the change which started at the same time as the break up of my 17 year marriage and that's when my drinking really took on a large life.
I'm glad to know that you have a counselor. I find it like I said so helpful to have someone to bounce things off of. My counselor has helped me many times.
sometimes when things are going pretty smooth I find myself feeling sort of bored. I have a hard time distinguishing that feeling from the depression sometimes. I know that at certain times of the month even though I no longer technically have periods, I have the pms that I always have had. Just not so bad now.
I really hate being a slave seems like to my mood swings and hormones. Us women have it all I think.. It's a wonder we can function at all... lol.
I don't even know now if anything I wrote helps at all... But I know what if feels like to feel stalled.. I'll be sending positive thoughts your way for you to start feeling better.
Thanks for posting.
I want to say to every one what a blessing you are and thanks for taking time to post. Here is to a great day for us all...
Calibutterfly,
Thank you for your assessment of the end of my dream. That makes perfect sense. I probably couldn't have thought of that myself, That's why it helps me so much to write on here because others have a clear view. when I try to think of my situations and handle them all on my own, I find that I'm too close to it to be objective. I think you are right in that explanation. I wish all of them were that therapeutic.. lol.
jryan,
Thank you for your post. The doctors haven't said much since I was first diagnosed but when it all started, I had alcohol induced hep, and pancreatitis. I turned neon yellow and they were talking about transplants and hospice.
It took a while for it to all sink in. My ammonia level was so high I couldn't think rationally. When I stopped drinking and my mind started to clear... I got so gut wrenching scared.
I was having to take so many medications it would be too hard to list but now all I have to take is diuretics and now I don't need them all the time..
Some times I have to go get albumin infusions. That is a protein the liver usually makes that helps keep the fluid in the blood stream and through the kidneys where it should be instead of swelling in my legs and abdomen.
I haven't had to do that in a while now.. I'm hoping since I no longer need medications and I haven't had to be on any kind of special diet or worry about my ammonia that it will heal.
I'm going to have a fibroscan in the near future that is supposed to tell how much damage there is , or so I'm told. I really don't know to what extent it is and they don't either. In fact I don't like to say I have it at all. I some times try to think that I just had a really bad case of hepatitis. That would be so much easier to take.
One thing I worry about though is if I find out the damage wasn't that bad... Would I eventually use that for a green light to have a drink or two... Ya know?? I would love to think that after all I've been through that I wouldn't even entertain the idea.. But I'd be lying if I ever said or thought that.
Thank you so much for being concerned.
2ndhandrose,
I'm sorry you're feeling down at the moment. I don't really know anything about your situation yet but I know that me myself am prone to having small bouts of depression. I have seems like all my life.
It really got bad when I started through the worst part of the change which started at the same time as the break up of my 17 year marriage and that's when my drinking really took on a large life.
I'm glad to know that you have a counselor. I find it like I said so helpful to have someone to bounce things off of. My counselor has helped me many times.
sometimes when things are going pretty smooth I find myself feeling sort of bored. I have a hard time distinguishing that feeling from the depression sometimes. I know that at certain times of the month even though I no longer technically have periods, I have the pms that I always have had. Just not so bad now.
I really hate being a slave seems like to my mood swings and hormones. Us women have it all I think.. It's a wonder we can function at all... lol.
I don't even know now if anything I wrote helps at all... But I know what if feels like to feel stalled.. I'll be sending positive thoughts your way for you to start feeling better.
Thanks for posting.
I want to say to every one what a blessing you are and thanks for taking time to post. Here is to a great day for us all...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: nc
Posts: 765
Hey guy's,
The craziest things happen to me.. I've started receiving papers from social services related to a disability claim I filed months ago when I was still too sick to think about getting a job, They said I didn't qualify because I was married and he made too much.
I dropped it and now I'm getting requests for more info and that they have made me doctors appts because they need more info to be able to make a decision. What do y'all think about that? What should I do?
It's tempting to see what happens but I don't think I would qualify right now. The thing that always worries me is if I develop hepatitis or pancreatitis or both again which the doctor said cirrhosis patients were apt to do.. Then I couldn't work.
That and I've been putting on fluid again which really upsets me because I know if my liver were normal, I wouldn't do that... I really do think on one hand I should see what happens... On the other hand if I'm trusting God like I say I do... Then I'm not gonna need disability...
I hope some of you will give me your opinion or tell me if you've had any experience with this sort of thing... The other thing I forgot to mention is I'm afraid that mentally I wont be able to stick to a job.. My nerves are not what they used to be and I have very little patience with people...
I don't know if they give disability related to mental issues or not but what if I start having panick attacks again and what if my depression sets in???? all valid concerns...
Any advice, opinions, experiences would be so appreciated....
Later....
The craziest things happen to me.. I've started receiving papers from social services related to a disability claim I filed months ago when I was still too sick to think about getting a job, They said I didn't qualify because I was married and he made too much.
I dropped it and now I'm getting requests for more info and that they have made me doctors appts because they need more info to be able to make a decision. What do y'all think about that? What should I do?
It's tempting to see what happens but I don't think I would qualify right now. The thing that always worries me is if I develop hepatitis or pancreatitis or both again which the doctor said cirrhosis patients were apt to do.. Then I couldn't work.
That and I've been putting on fluid again which really upsets me because I know if my liver were normal, I wouldn't do that... I really do think on one hand I should see what happens... On the other hand if I'm trusting God like I say I do... Then I'm not gonna need disability...
I hope some of you will give me your opinion or tell me if you've had any experience with this sort of thing... The other thing I forgot to mention is I'm afraid that mentally I wont be able to stick to a job.. My nerves are not what they used to be and I have very little patience with people...
I don't know if they give disability related to mental issues or not but what if I start having panick attacks again and what if my depression sets in???? all valid concerns...
Any advice, opinions, experiences would be so appreciated....
Later....
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
On the other hand if I'm trusting God like I say I do... Then I'm not gonna need disability...
Either way could it hurt to try? If it worked out maybe you'd have something to fall back on just in case?
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
I am echoing sleepie, SW and Dee!
At least you will have started the ball rolling if you need to go on disability. Certainly, it is worth a conversation with your doctor.
I vote "go for it"!!
At least you will have started the ball rolling if you need to go on disability. Certainly, it is worth a conversation with your doctor.
I vote "go for it"!!
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