lilyfern

Thank you everyone. I really appreciate the advice - and the stories some of you shared on this particular thread as well.
I definitely know what it is that I need to do. So here goes nothing...
I know sobriety is better then continuing to spiral down into this black hole of alcoholism.
I have so much that I can do and reach for...strive for...if alcohol wasn't involved. So it must go.
I see that some people have sent me a PM. Bare with me, I have to post 5 times before responding, but wanted to let you know that I did see them and I am doing OK and thank YOU! I will definitely be reading through these threads for the next few days of my final long weekend in the Summer.
No sense in setting a quit date - it starts now, right?

ItWillBeWorthIt

Starting NOW is the best thing to do. Take it one minute, one hour, one day at a time... great lots of rest, drink lots of water...and try to eat some food. Wishing you the very best.

thomas11

If you are like most, there will be challenges along the way, so the sooner you start, the sooner you can face those challenges and get them out of the way. Wishing you the very best.

lilyfern

I woke up this morning feeling fine....but knowing there were two beers left in the fridge from a few days ago. I am unsure what compelled me to drink one before 8am (alcoholism?) or was it just a damn compulsion? I cracked open the second one and took a sip. Wtf am I doing?
I ended up pouring it down the drain. All the last bits of alcohol in my house. Was more anxiety-inducing then anything. Sometimes I really feel like I'm in a trance when dealing with this beast. But I could hear every fibre of my being screaming for me to not pour the rest out. Except my heart. My heart was pretty content.
Sigh.
Here we go.