Hey everyone
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 1
Hey everyone
Well, Hi... I am new here and just have couple questions.
Im a 23 year old from Toronto, who just gave up drinking on Tuesday after an argument turned somewhat physical (beer can being thrown) with my sister. I have been drinking on and off since 15 but in the last 3 years its been really bad... drinking just to feel relaxed in public/happy/ to forget certain things. (by the way i am a horrible writer, excuse me for that). I guess i'm here to reach out and find friendships/guidance in this new time. Im not with any friends anymore and my family has that kind of "get over it, just change dont be a *****" attitude towards all this. Im interested to know how you guys have dealt with shame and guilt? have you guys made up with your families after acting like a devil? These feelings are getting so bad in my head...
Im a 23 year old from Toronto, who just gave up drinking on Tuesday after an argument turned somewhat physical (beer can being thrown) with my sister. I have been drinking on and off since 15 but in the last 3 years its been really bad... drinking just to feel relaxed in public/happy/ to forget certain things. (by the way i am a horrible writer, excuse me for that). I guess i'm here to reach out and find friendships/guidance in this new time. Im not with any friends anymore and my family has that kind of "get over it, just change dont be a *****" attitude towards all this. Im interested to know how you guys have dealt with shame and guilt? have you guys made up with your families after acting like a devil? These feelings are getting so bad in my head...
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,386
Hi and welcome lucas 
For me it took a while to convince people I'd changed, and that I was sober and I meant to stay that way.
Eventually tho, most people came round and started trusting me again
As for shame and guilt - those are natural feelings, but there;s nothing we can do to change the past.
The good news is I found the more I tried to live right and be the person I always thought I could be, the less my past weighed me down and the less it mattered - not only to me but to other people too
It's never to late to start chapter two
glad to have you join us,
D
For me it took a while to convince people I'd changed, and that I was sober and I meant to stay that way.
Eventually tho, most people came round and started trusting me again
As for shame and guilt - those are natural feelings, but there;s nothing we can do to change the past.
The good news is I found the more I tried to live right and be the person I always thought I could be, the less my past weighed me down and the less it mattered - not only to me but to other people too
It's never to late to start chapter two
glad to have you join us,
D
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,285
Welcome, Lucas! Yes, the shame and guilt are most unpleasant. We can't change the past but we can feel better about ourselves as we become stronger as we stay sober. The early days can be challenging and working through this is incredibly rewarding.
Some work out their family issues and some don't. Give your family plenty of time. What will go the farthest is seeing you consistently sober.
Some work out their family issues and some don't. Give your family plenty of time. What will go the farthest is seeing you consistently sober.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Hey Lucas,
I am a very calm, rational person when I'm sober. I have never been in a physical fight in my life, sober. When I was drinking, a few times I became a monster and a personality that didn't even resemble me came out. I was loud, mean, angry, hostile, and on the worst time, pushed someone out of my way and pretty hard too. It's still hard to type that.
All I can say is that the shame fades with time and from my experience, people's memories are pretty short once we get sober. They usually understand that we were drunk and sick and alcoholic. I like to think that we get a second chance to right our wrongs but the only catch is that we only get this when we're totally sober. Forever sober.
I won't bore you with the dangerous and destructive things I did when I was drinking but now that I'm sober my "credit rating" with my friends and family is really strong again.
I am a very calm, rational person when I'm sober. I have never been in a physical fight in my life, sober. When I was drinking, a few times I became a monster and a personality that didn't even resemble me came out. I was loud, mean, angry, hostile, and on the worst time, pushed someone out of my way and pretty hard too. It's still hard to type that.
All I can say is that the shame fades with time and from my experience, people's memories are pretty short once we get sober. They usually understand that we were drunk and sick and alcoholic. I like to think that we get a second chance to right our wrongs but the only catch is that we only get this when we're totally sober. Forever sober.
I won't bore you with the dangerous and destructive things I did when I was drinking but now that I'm sober my "credit rating" with my friends and family is really strong again.
aka Nesty
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Northern Vt.
Posts: 1,554
Hiya Lucas, pretty much everyone will forgive & forget as long as you explain , that you it wasn't your true self - or in your right mind too much alcohol .
The thing I learnt( too late) is people will only over look that behavior so many times . Than if you keep drinking the ( sorry's ) don't work anymore .
Sounds like your ready to change , so you have to prove that & work on being sober . That's great that your noticing this early , before things get way out of hand .
We all do Crazy - Nasty things while drinking . You have to forgive yourself , it won't help in your journey to sobriety . Make a plan & stick to it
The thing I learnt( too late) is people will only over look that behavior so many times . Than if you keep drinking the ( sorry's ) don't work anymore .
Sounds like your ready to change , so you have to prove that & work on being sober . That's great that your noticing this early , before things get way out of hand .
We all do Crazy - Nasty things while drinking . You have to forgive yourself , it won't help in your journey to sobriety . Make a plan & stick to it
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