Eliasson

i could really use some advice and wisdom. I tried hard again tonight to explain my alcoholism to my very high functioning, very religious, alcoholic husband. His response was that we should pray to the Holy Spirit for some self control on my part. I've tried that. It isn't about self control. It makes me feel inadequate, like if I were "spiritual" enough God would hear me and grant me self control. How do I explain this to him? I don't know the right words to use but I do know if he keeps praying to the Holy Spirit while shaking martinis for me and not really listening to my heart I will continue to have a tough time achieving sobriety.

Tooshabby

It sounds from reading your post that praying to the holy spirit is making you feel "inadequate". If feeling inadequate is a trigger for you, or is just something that you do not want to feel anymore, you are well within your rights to cease, of course. You would probably know better than anyone the best way to approach it with him....sorry, I know that's not very helpful, but I'm sure you know what I mean. Honesty is often said to be the best policy, so they say :-)

I think too you could consider asking him not to mix or give you anymore drinks. My partner stopped buying bottles of wine on the way home many years ago. I've still got them myself, unfortunately, but at least it removed one source of trouble!

Hope things go really well for you Eliasson ;-)

Dee74

Hi Eliasson

I'm not sure it's as important that he understands as it is that you understand. Sure it would be nice if he 'got it' but it's not something essential for you to stay sober.

I don't think it's a self control matter either - and lets not forget I had lots of willpower to do dangerous and damaging things to myself over and over again, even when it defied logic.
`
I do believe in prayer tho, so every little bit helps I guess?

D

Soberwolf

As long as you understand thats the important bit

Nonsensical

"Stop making martinis for me. The Holy Spirit told me to live a sober life."

Best of Luck on Your Journey.

Tooshabby

Yes, that's much more succinct :-D

Pray in a way that comes naturally to you :-)

NestWasEmpty

You have to find the Strength within first . Second just be up front & tell him , I'm not going to get stronger to fight my problem if you keep making me drinks . While he's mixing tell him no thank you & walk away
Make a plan & stick to it , things will work out

Jeni26

Hi. Good to see you here again.

I struggle too with an alcoholic husband. He regularly buys wine and pops one into the fridge 'just in case' I decide to join him one night. It's hard, no doubt about it.

The way I'm dealing with this is to make my sobriety MY business. I have a really strong network of support: a sponsor to whom I'm very close, a few fantastic friends I made through this site, and I have started to going to AlAnon in addition to my AA meetings. Just yesterday I got so resentful over what I perceived to be his lack of care over me, I thought briefly about drinking AT him, proving to him that by buying me wine, he is sentencing me to death. These were just passing thoughts, but it just shows how our addiction creeps in and whispers it's lies when we are feeling down.

Actually I care too much about my sobriety, it's precious. I don't need him to be supportive...his addiction lies to him too.

It is possible to get and stay sober without our partners. I'm determined not to slip back. And I pray too, every day.

Best of luck with everything. Find your support and stay close. We understand x

GroundhogDay

Have you looked into Celebrate Recovery for support?

As for your husband, he needs to get the board out of his own eye, lol, but I wouldn't repeat that to him.

MIRecovery

If it was a self control issue why do people like doctors and clergymen have problems with alcoholism. These people have exhibited self control in every facet of their lives but are alcoholics.

benice

Maybe he is hoping to keep a partner in crime. Maybe he is praying for strength to change and pleading with God not to give him the wisdom to accept what he cannot change. I think you are in a hard spot, but not an impossible one. So like the famous prayer says, I wish for you serenity, courage and wisdom!

DoubleDragons

Lately, I really have taken to heart surrendering to God. So, in a situation like you describe, I would pray silently to myself asking God for strength and the right words to say. Only He knows what is going on in the minds and hearts of all players involved and He will help you if you Let Him. One time my eldest son, who is grappling with his spiritual beliefs told me that he doesn't need to talk to "God", he just listens to the advice of the wise people who he loves, like me, his mother. I said, "Interesting, because before I give you any advice, I always pray to God for the right words."