The AV is going to start making noise
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Jeff, I think you have been doing a good job coming here and discussing many different things related to what you have been going through in the past few months, and in general. The fact that you have a bit of denial here and there in relation to drinking or not drinking in the long run is common especially if you have never seriously considered giving up alcohol for good before. What is great is that you talk about it and consider the responses you get to it. Another feature I like about you is that you generally don't seem to overly perceive the feedback as personal attack (at least on the surface) and then turn your back to it offended, yet you are sensitive enough to be receptive -- I am basing this opinion on both your public posts and the little private interactions we had.
My suggestion would be that you keep doing what you have been doing (except experimenting with alcohol) and as Dee and others pointed out, make a plan for yourself for how to deal with drinking urges and with life without alcohol. What I did in the beginning, for many months, was reading up on the various recovery methods, trying out a few etc. Experiment with that instead of drinking
I also agree with Meraviglioso that your interest in fitness (whatever reason, even if part of it is personal vanity) might come very handy in your recovery, given that you are able to stay engaged in it alcohol- and drug-free. It's also a good natural way to get a bit of high -- both from the actual physical exertion and the challenges associated with it when we push our limits. Scott has a very good point about approaching your recovery with the same interest and effort. I definitely find that a healthy sense of competitiveness can do wonders in regards to sustained sobriety and changing our lifestyles. And here you can use some of those deep-seated doubts and insecurities that you expressed previously in another post, to overcome destructive tendencies. The curiosity as well. There is so much to be seen and explored in a sober life!
My suggestion would be that you keep doing what you have been doing (except experimenting with alcohol) and as Dee and others pointed out, make a plan for yourself for how to deal with drinking urges and with life without alcohol. What I did in the beginning, for many months, was reading up on the various recovery methods, trying out a few etc. Experiment with that instead of drinking
I also agree with Meraviglioso that your interest in fitness (whatever reason, even if part of it is personal vanity) might come very handy in your recovery, given that you are able to stay engaged in it alcohol- and drug-free. It's also a good natural way to get a bit of high -- both from the actual physical exertion and the challenges associated with it when we push our limits. Scott has a very good point about approaching your recovery with the same interest and effort. I definitely find that a healthy sense of competitiveness can do wonders in regards to sustained sobriety and changing our lifestyles. And here you can use some of those deep-seated doubts and insecurities that you expressed previously in another post, to overcome destructive tendencies. The curiosity as well. There is so much to be seen and explored in a sober life!
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Hi courage, got a few minutes before I'm off to work. I'm not surprised at all that I had an urge to drink, and I believe I'm smart enough to know that's not the "last call" either.
I'm not on a recovery website to become a better drinker, haha. I'm here as a daily reminder and commitment because drinking has caused problems in my life. I'm not a normal drinker. I hope that answers your question and maybe you can give me further feedback on your thoughts.
I'm not on a recovery website to become a better drinker, haha. I'm here as a daily reminder and commitment because drinking has caused problems in my life. I'm not a normal drinker. I hope that answers your question and maybe you can give me further feedback on your thoughts.
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Originally Posted by TroyW 
I'm just wondering, are you still on the pain meds? Or off them now?
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HI mags, great post. I'm a greenhorn in recovery, this stretch of not drinking (and I call it not drinking on purpose) is the longest since my early 30's. I'm 47. I posted about Saturday because I've learned that its good to post when the urge comes calling, and it did.
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Sounds great on tapering of the meds. I was just asking, because as I'm sure you know full well, they are lessening your desire to drink. So please be prepared when you come off them fully, and trust me, resist the bottle at all costs.
All the best!
All the best!
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Hi Meraviglioso, Yes, being a former college jock and a gym rat....physical demands on my body come naturally to me. I'm used to the physical exertion and the runners high that comes from a strenuous workout of any kind. Working out my mind on other hand, is a bit new to me. As Dee puts it, I need to get those sober muscles working. Sober muscles are between the ears, correct? That is what brings me here. In the short time I have been sober, I have had some urges, some pretty strong. But overall I can't tell you how great it has been being ready to meet daily challenges (and there are many in my life) with a clear head and sharp critical thinking skills. Its a relief to be confident in your decision and not have alcohol chip away at my self confidence and mental acuity. Most of the time in the last couple months, when I make a decision, I am 99.9% sure I made the right decision and move on to resolving the next "problem" on the list. Its a great way to live a life and I sleep well at night as a result. ALso, I think my men respect me a bit more because they can see it in my eyes I am sharp and I don't stink like rum.
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Thanks Aellyce, I have to say this before I forget, but working out as a way to feed my vanity is definately not the case for myself (I'm kind of laughing as I type this). I am the "fat guy" who's working out. In my younger years I was the epitome of fitness, so I've kind of been there done that. I work out now because I want to be around for my wife. My side of the family has a history of dying in their late 60's because of poor health. I also like the high of a good workout.
Regarding the rest of your post, to put it bluntly, I am vulnerable right now. I know it, I'm also probably a little more sensitive than I need to be, but I am human. I post my thoughts as I do because I want a good life, I don't post things to draw attention to myself. So if that means some people get a little firm with me, so be it. I trust their intentions are good. Gotta get the trucks running, guys will be here soon. Be back this afternoon to "re-engage" with the sober community. Have a good day.
Regarding the rest of your post, to put it bluntly, I am vulnerable right now. I know it, I'm also probably a little more sensitive than I need to be, but I am human. I post my thoughts as I do because I want a good life, I don't post things to draw attention to myself. So if that means some people get a little firm with me, so be it. I trust their intentions are good. Gotta get the trucks running, guys will be here soon. Be back this afternoon to "re-engage" with the sober community. Have a good day.
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Who cares about normal drinkers, or any other 'style' drinker for that matter. Jeff the drinker is the topic of thread.
It really seems you are entertaining the idea of being able to get on handle on social drinking in the future. From what I have seen in your actions in the last months, that is going to be a difficult task. When you get plastered you , anyone, is a possibly dangerous and harmful liability to yourself(ourselves) and those around us (you). What do you plan to do to keep that from happening(there is one sure fired way to keep it from happening and this convalescence has given you the preverbial leg up on a good start) , or are you entertaining the idea that drinking at any level, social or for relaxation, is so important as to be worth the risk to yourself and those around you ?
That's the rub, right ?
It really seems you are entertaining the idea of being able to get on handle on social drinking in the future. From what I have seen in your actions in the last months, that is going to be a difficult task. When you get plastered you , anyone, is a possibly dangerous and harmful liability to yourself(ourselves) and those around us (you). What do you plan to do to keep that from happening(there is one sure fired way to keep it from happening and this convalescence has given you the preverbial leg up on a good start) , or are you entertaining the idea that drinking at any level, social or for relaxation, is so important as to be worth the risk to yourself and those around you ?
That's the rub, right ?
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Jeff you are doing great. As others have said, your ability to take immediate notice of cravings or problem situations, get on here and ask for help and talk it out, and your willingness to hear out others and learn is admirable. Keep doing what you're doing, always trying to add more tools to your toolbox.
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I think that being vulnerable, and especially having the guts to admitting it, is definitely a good thing not a weakness. It also takes much more courage than suppressing it or presenting a "tough" image. Ask me how I know I always think that SR is a great place for this. In part, this comes from the fact that there is no risk associated with expressing vulnerability here (compared with many real life situations). Also, it's totally normal to feel a bit rough with lots of ups and downs in early sobriety. Heh, I have actually been feeling that way myself often recently, much more than when I was newly sober, but I am also much more comfortable with it (both with the feelings and with expressing it).
I also experienced a remarkable boost in my self-confidence after getting sober, actually very quickly already a couple weeks in. I attributed it to a significant decrease in my anxiety (compared with when I was drinking) and also just a good feeling that finally I was doing the right thing for myself and probably for everyone who had anything to do with me. I would not give up living sober just for this improvement in self-esteem and confidence, which is natural and not due to any manipulation.
I always think that SR is a great place for this. In part, this comes from the fact that there is no risk associated with expressing vulnerability here (compared with many real life situations). Also, it's totally normal to feel a bit rough with lots of ups and downs in early sobriety. Heh, I have actually been feeling that way myself often recently, much more than when I was newly sober, but I am also much more comfortable with it (both with the feelings and with expressing it). I also experienced a remarkable boost in my self-confidence after getting sober, actually very quickly already a couple weeks in. I attributed it to a significant decrease in my anxiety (compared with when I was drinking) and also just a good feeling that finally I was doing the right thing for myself and probably for everyone who had anything to do with me. I would not give up living sober just for this improvement in self-esteem and confidence, which is natural and not due to any manipulation.
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jeff, you pick up a drink again and i'm gonna come and kick you in the kneecap!!!!
ok kidding. i really appreciate that you posted your thoughts.....maybe just talking it out will help, hope so.
play the tape ALL the way through......our inner addict LOVES to give us the travel brochure version of how things will go....sunny places, exotic beaches, perfect people drinking lovely colorful drinks with little umbrellas.............but does NOT show the black outs, the wrapped around the toilet puking our guts out for three hours in someone else's homeevents....falling down stairs, or peeing our pants.
ok kidding. i really appreciate that you posted your thoughts.....maybe just talking it out will help, hope so.
play the tape ALL the way through......our inner addict LOVES to give us the travel brochure version of how things will go....sunny places, exotic beaches, perfect people drinking lovely colorful drinks with little umbrellas.............but does NOT show the black outs, the wrapped around the toilet puking our guts out for three hours in someone else's homeevents....falling down stairs, or peeing our pants.
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Originally Posted by dwtbd
Who cares about normal drinkers, or any other 'style' drinker for that matter. Jeff the drinker is the topic of thread.
It really seems you are entertaining the idea of being able to get on handle on social drinking in the future. From what I have seen in your actions in the last months, that is going to be a difficult task. When you get plastered you , anyone, is a possibly dangerous and harmful liability to yourself(ourselves) and those around us (you). What do you plan to do to keep that from happening(there is one sure fired way to keep it from happening and this convalescence has given you the preverbial leg up on a good start) , or are you entertaining the idea that drinking at any level, social or for relaxation, is so important as to be worth the risk to yourself and those around you ?
That's the rub, right ?
It really seems you are entertaining the idea of being able to get on handle on social drinking in the future. From what I have seen in your actions in the last months, that is going to be a difficult task. When you get plastered you , anyone, is a possibly dangerous and harmful liability to yourself(ourselves) and those around us (you). What do you plan to do to keep that from happening(there is one sure fired way to keep it from happening and this convalescence has given you the preverbial leg up on a good start) , or are you entertaining the idea that drinking at any level, social or for relaxation, is so important as to be worth the risk to yourself and those around you ?
That's the rub, right ?
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Anvil, this is classic and one I will have to remember " our inner addict LOVES to give us the travel brochure version of how things will go"
Gosh, I can't count the number of times I've sat at an outdoor bar/restaurant in either Ft. Myers Florida or Santa Monica/Venice area with a stiff cold one, people watching and listening to the waves come in, pure heaven on earth. Unfortunately I thought I could bring the ocean home with me to Minnesota and sit in my house and drink.
Gosh, I can't count the number of times I've sat at an outdoor bar/restaurant in either Ft. Myers Florida or Santa Monica/Venice area with a stiff cold one, people watching and listening to the waves come in, pure heaven on earth. Unfortunately I thought I could bring the ocean home with me to Minnesota and sit in my house and drink.
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Originally Posted by thomas11
In regards to your question as to whether or not I'm entertaining the thought of drinking in some capacity such as socially or relaxation, to put it bluntly...no. I drank to be drunk. I like it. Not blackout, running down the street with my hair on fire drunk, but drunk and feeling it. That's the straight truth.
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Liking the feeling of being drunk. It tends to make the choice of not drinking seem like one is depriving one's self. Realizing what that indulgence would cost in terms of health, happiness, relationships, safety , ect. and deciding to forego the indulgence is the rub, it would be easier if we didn't 'like' it.
The AV is that part of our thinking that harps on the enjoyment and diminishes the negative consequences , with the resulting feelings of deprivation , the 'loss' of not being 'able' to drink .
When you can step back and look at and think about the actual situation , you can see and understand that choosing not to get drunk is not depriving ourselves. It is not, in a rational sense, deprivation of a pleasure ( the enjoyment of a value) but instead a choice to avoid the negative and potentially destructive consequences of being drunk, or being a drunk.
The rub is in knowing that that is true and becoming comfortable with it or accepting it .
The AV is that part of our thinking that harps on the enjoyment and diminishes the negative consequences , with the resulting feelings of deprivation , the 'loss' of not being 'able' to drink .
When you can step back and look at and think about the actual situation , you can see and understand that choosing not to get drunk is not depriving ourselves. It is not, in a rational sense, deprivation of a pleasure ( the enjoyment of a value) but instead a choice to avoid the negative and potentially destructive consequences of being drunk, or being a drunk.
The rub is in knowing that that is true and becoming comfortable with it or accepting it .
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Originally Posted by courage2
--Are you surprised that you have a strong urge to drink?
--Do you believe you're an alcoholic or that you can't drink safely, ever?
Originally Posted by thomas11
I'm not surprised at all that I had an urge to drink... drinking has caused problems in my life. I'm not a normal drinker. I hope that answers your question and maybe you can give me further feedback on your thoughts.
So you know that you'll have urges to drink. Then why do they bother you? I have urges to do all kinds of things -- for instance (and I'm perfectly serious) just about every time I reach for a sharp knife I have an urge to stab myself in the eye. Doesn't bother me. I expect it and do not expect to act on it. It's obviously a twisted fantasy. But the urge to drink, when it comes, used to bother me considerably. Why?
Because I'm an alcoholic.
When I was first dry, without thoroughly having admitted my alcoholism, I allowed urges to flirt with the possibility of satisfaction, and that gave them the power to grow to a mental obsession and a relapse.
Now, if I thought for a second that I wasn't an alcoholic, I'm sure I'd be chronically relapsing, hoping I could get it "right."
I'm a problem-solver. I figure out things. I've been living on my own since I was 16, and I've had to figure out a lot. (Being a drunk hasn't exactly helped -- sometimes the stuff you have to figure out is stuff like how to cover your tracks, get out of town, or lose an unsettlingly intimate stranger
)If I were even thinking about my alcoholism as a problem, I'd be looking for a solution, a work-around, a way to use the option. But in the long run, solving a drinking problem only gets you drunker.
So instead of treating my alcoholism like a problem, I gave it all up. Finally. Feels better to have done that, imo.
Do I still get urges? Yeah. And to poke out my eye, too. They're equally insane to me now.
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Originally Posted by dwtbd
Liking the feeling of being drunk. It tends to make the choice of not drinking seem like one is depriving one's self. Realizing what that indulgence would cost in terms of health, happiness, relationships, safety , ect. and deciding to forego the indulgence is the rub, it would be easier if we didn't 'like' it.
The AV is that part of our thinking that harps on the enjoyment and diminishes the negative consequences , with the resulting feelings of deprivation , the 'loss' of not being 'able' to drink .
When you can step back and look at and think about the actual situation , you can see and understand that choosing not to get drunk is not depriving ourselves. It is not, in a rational sense, deprivation of a pleasure ( the enjoyment of a value) but instead a choice to avoid the negative and potentially destructive consequences of being drunk, or being a drunk.
The rub is in knowing that that is true and becoming comfortable with it or accepting it .
The AV is that part of our thinking that harps on the enjoyment and diminishes the negative consequences , with the resulting feelings of deprivation , the 'loss' of not being 'able' to drink .
When you can step back and look at and think about the actual situation , you can see and understand that choosing not to get drunk is not depriving ourselves. It is not, in a rational sense, deprivation of a pleasure ( the enjoyment of a value) but instead a choice to avoid the negative and potentially destructive consequences of being drunk, or being a drunk.
The rub is in knowing that that is true and becoming comfortable with it or accepting it .
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