NuttieUK

I'm having a difficult night, I chose to stop drinking after the break down of a long term relationship..
It's so hard staying sober when I'm being bitched about by all of his friends and family.
It's so difficult to stay away from it all with the internet and facebook. The only way I know how to cope with caring this much and pain is drinking and I'm so scared.
I don't want to ever drink again. I don't want drinking to be my crutch every time something goes wrong. But I also don't know what to do to make it better?

I live in the middle of nowhere and haven't got any local friends so rely on the internet to contact people. I've deleted facebook in the beginning of the break up, but ended up cutting connection with people who were trying to help me.

When you're really struggling with emotional pain how do you cope without alcohol?
I don't think I'll resort to drinking tonight, but it hurts so much I physically feel sick. I haven't dealt with emotions like this sober for so long I feel completely panicked. I'm a very emotional person and I know with time I'll get used to coping sober and in all with develop a thicker skin and be healthier.
But right now that doesn't help me. It makes me hopeful for a better sober future, but right now I'm in so much pain and I don't know how to feel better or stop it.

Thank you for reading, I'm really sorry.. I'm such a mess tonight but I felt like I had to say something to someone because today I've barely functioned and I'm worried if I leave it, late tonight I might cave while everyones asleep.

Thank you

biminiblue

Is there a way you can block his friends and family from your email, phone, and facebook?

I make clean breaks with people. It might sound cold, but it is to protect myself.

Spend time here No one here will take his side.

Emotions are all over the place in the early days of sobriety - it gets better. Drinking will just make you sadder and more depressed. That is its main job.

Hang on, make it through the night. Line up some good movies, buy some popcorn and candy and just curl up with a blanket and your night clothes. Do you have a stuffed toy you like? Watch some TV with it. Sounds silly, but I have pets and they are a lot of help. I had to really pamper myself in the early days.

Just go to bed sober tonight. You'll feel better tomorrow. Emotions come and go. This will pass.

whatsgoingon

Hey Nuttie, stay strong you are doing great! To think you have avoided the drink whilst under so much pressure is amazing! You are right to delete Facebook etc as they will probably just wind you up. Maybe be better to ring an old friend or even write them a letter. Sometimes it does me good to write stuff down and get it all off my chest, you don't even have to send it if you don't want to. Relationship break ups are really hard try and do something to take your mind off like go to the cinema, or the gym or just go for a walk. At times like this when you are feeling vulnerable it's best to keep busy.

Good luck, hope it all works out for you.

Soberwolf

(((((NuttieUK))))) heres some links to help http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

You can print these out to keep close by

I advise deleting your facebook and sticking close to SR interacting on threads it will help distract you

NuttieUK

Thank you so much everyone! I'm planning on having a bath soon and watching a movie before bed.
Thank you SoberWolf for the urge surfing article, it makes so much sense. x
It's so hard to think of emotions as temporary when they're that strong, but I'm already feeling so much calmer and this feels like another night I'll be able to get through.
Thank you everyone x.

Soberwolf

You done great NuttieUK

biminiblue

That's great to hear, NuttieUK.

least

It may seem overwhelming now, but given time, the great healer, you will feel better and stronger.

FarToGo

Sometimes when feelings are (or seem ) totally overwhelming, I try to sit with them. Really concentrate on the feeling itself, the physical feeling, the mental feeling, really go into it and be with it, let it come and experience it. Usually we fight them and try to avoid them, this technique is different and can be a bit scary, but if you can it's worth a try.
it's something I picked up in a meditation class years ago and I've started using it again to help me to stay sober. What generally happens is the feeling passes, as it will anyway, but you may find something useful from it too.
Maybe this sounds a bit wacko, sorry if this is the case, works for me though.
Be well
xx

Tracy999

If you don't want to delete Facebook altogether, I recommend heavily pruning your friends list. Unfriend every person whose posts don't add positive things to your mind.

I did that and only had one person send me a message asking if she did something wrong. I told her no, it wasn't personal, I just didn't want to see posts about (insert issue here) anymore. She insinuated she wouldn't do that anymore and sent me a new friend request. I ignored it and she withdrew it. Point made.

It felt great and now I can enjoy Facebook without worrying about what will pop up in my newsfeed. There are also a lot of AA type pages you can "Like" so that receive those messages as well.

ETA: keep in mind: his friends' opinion of you is none of your business. That is one of those things you have no control over so you might as well let it go.

thomas11

I think its difficult to accurately assess your emotional condition while actively drinking. Maybe try and get a week or more sober under your belt and reassess your feelings. Also, it sounds like you are self medicating with alcohol. You mentioned you are an emotional person by nature, maybe you can get real medication prescribed by a professional instead of self medicating. I started taking an SSRI 12 years ago not for depression but to keep me on an even keel. It changed my life. Never too high, never too low. Just a thought.

sean0621

I quit drinking and smoking at the end of a long term relationship withe my ex-gf Alicia. The first thing I did was block her on everything, FB, phone and email and the second thing I did was to exercise. I went from 270lbs to 175lbs in 6 months. It became an obsession and another form of addiction. At 10 days shy of 3 months I went on a date with another woman and chose to throw away my sobriety.

So I picked myself up and the next day quit drinking and smoking again. I didn't learn how to deal with my emotions any better than I did the first time so I exercised and tried meditation as well, yet I still had little or no control over my emotions. I made it another three months and collapsed again, but I didn't drink or smoke, I got back into the same toxic relationship with Alicia I escaped. I got curious about her well being and unblocked her a day later I got a FB PM from her and I was with her another six months and was an emotional wreck. I then blocked her again and treated her the same way I treated drinking which was to stay away altogether no matter how much I worried about her or how curious I got or how lonely I was at the time.

But what I did to change how I felt and how I coped ultimately was to change my environment. I joined an AA alternative called Racing for Recovery, I found support. I went to therapy as well. But I think changing my environment and surrounding myself with positive, supportive people has helped me through some of the most difficult times in my life so that I had a chance to learn how to balance out my life and then cope better with difficult emotions and difficult situations. Good luck to you I know you can get through this

Dee74

Hi Nuttie

I wondered how to cope too, cos the thing with drinking is - it's not coping - it just pushes stuff to one side for a while...but it comes back with a vengeance.

I was a 40 yo man with no idea of how to cope with even the smallest stresses sober - but I learned, and you will too

Have faith

D

ckoures

I feel your pain and frustration. I just walked out on a 22 year marriage. Sometimes it hurts so much I think I will vomit. But the last five days with no alcohol and a concerted effort to clean, come here, read, walk ... Anything has helped. And, I tell myself the pain is just an emotion. It is my emotion so feeling it is ok. Good for you for what you are doing. I'm right there with you.

DefconOne

I had the same problem. How do I cope? When I was a child I used to day dream and make believe my problems were gone. As I got older and began to drink, I 'trained' myself to cope using alcohol. Alcohol made the world go away when I wanted to shut it off. In the end you have to find another way to do the same thing, without alcohol. The challenge is to find that thing or a number of things that will make you lose your senses without losing your body, mind and spirit. Its different for everybody.

PurpleKnight

Great job on pushing through Nuttie!!

For me it was all about a learning curve, don't beat yourself, learning new routines/habits isn't something we'll be comfortable over night, it'll take time, but it can be done!!