Highly Functioning and Highly Dysfunctional
 

I need advice badly. Late last year I went to a detox clinic, stopped drinking for a short time, tried AA and found it made me want to go straight to the bottle shop, and promptly returned to drinking 3 or more bottles of Marlborough Sav Blanc every day. Never getting drunk though, as I am apparently a high functioning alcoholic. People that don't see me drink, don't suspect a thing, because I have developed such a tolerance to alcohol after drinking excessively since my mid teens. I am now 31 years old.
I risk relationships, jobs, drink driving, and friendships, all to obtain and consume alcohol steadily. The power it has over me frightens me to my core, but not as much as not having alcohol frightens me. A vicious cycle that is controlling my life.
Today,only 3 weeks after starting a new job and having already taken days off due to my addiction and what it is doing to my body, I have had to call in sick again because I am vomiting blood.
Over the last couple of months, my heart races most of the time, I shake uncontrollably, I twitch, get sharp stabbing lower abdominal pain, am often disoriented, and sweat profusely. I am now really scared, yet continue to drink excessively, just to relieve the symptoms. I start the minute I get out of bed, and continue to drink until I fall asleep.
I am going to the doctor today, because I know vomiting blood is way too stupid to ignore.
I just really want to get advice from other people in my position or who have been in the same boat in the past.
Because the first thing I did after vomiting blood was guzzle several mouthfuls of wine from the bottle. At 7:14am.
Not good.
Not good at all.
I have let my drinking spiral too far out of control...
Please help...
Thank you so much...
What does vomiting blood potentially mean? I have read so much about the health impacts that heavy long term drinking can have, and would love to hear the experiences of those who have been through similar things I have mentioned.
Unstoppablekel xxx

Hi and welcome Kel

Please do see a Dr asap - there are many things it could be, but us guessing is just wasting time. y'know?

I was an all day everyday drinker - I found support here and some good ideas.
It's not impossible to turn things around :)

D

There is no worse feeling I know than the shaking, nauseous, nervous feeling where you have to guzzle to make it stop and then you start throwing up again. You deserve a life. You deserve to live. See a doctor you can do this

Vomiting blood was the last nail in the coffin for me that put me in the ICU. I ended up with severe esophageal bleeding.

Go to the ER immediately.

If you know how to find the button on the bottom of this page . Click on it and go to Recovery "Where were you ? " Look for my story " More like were was I " my name will be under it . I was doing the same as you only no blood yet . Be very scared you need treatment ASP !! Don't wait ...

Hello.

You are on your way to getting yourself out of this mess. And you may not think it but you are young.

This is serious though. See your doctor ASAP or get a taxi to ER.

Welcome to the site. :) We can't give medical advice here. That would be irresponsible. I strongly suggest you see your doctor right away. And ask him/her for help to stop drinking before it gets worse. :(

thanks Dee
 

Thank you so much. I am at the doctor now, waiting for my appointment. I will definitely keep sharing on here, it seems to be an extremely supportive and understanding community.

I understand.
 

I know the advice won't be professional, I am looking to hear about the experiences of others, hopefully some can give me the wake up call I so badly need. Every response stresses that I must seek immediate medical attention, so that in itself has helped immensely. I am in the waiting room at the medical clinic now. Thank you for welcoming me into this community.

Highly functioning is a lie my addiction likes to try to sell me to think I am not that bad. In the end it wasn't what others thought about me or saw or didn't see - it was about what I knew deep down to my core. Based on the medical issues you describe you might not be functioning at all if things don't change. You deserve better. You deserve more out of life than what alcohol is giving you. Hope you get some help. Take Care!

Hi there unstoppable. I am so glad you are at the doctor! Keep us posted on how you are doing! I haven't have experience with vomiting blood but that sounds very serious! You will be in my prayers!!!

Hey, I'm glad you're here and can relate to your experiences.

First things first, I would put a big X through the "highly functioning" you put in your introduction. I say that because I held onto that title to make myself feel better about continuing to drink. I was really anything but functional.

I showed up to work every single day but was also physically ill every single day. Highly functioning? Not even.

Hi Unstoppablekel

I'm new here too, and the reason I'm replying is because your message is so similar to my first here, called 'A Message in a Bottle', which I posted last week.

We are both of similar age (I'm 29) and both drinking similar quantities. I too am going through the process of quitting. I wish you all the best.

thank you
 

Have seen doc and had blood tests. Following up with counselling and possible rehabilitation options tomorrow. Wish me luck!

thank you so very much
 

I will find it, and thanks for your support. It is now or never. Kel

Thank You!
 

I would really love to keep in touch as we go through this inevitably difficult journey. It is good to hear from someone my age with a similar habit. What made you realise you had to change, and how are you going about it? Kel

very sound advice
 

You are so right. Fooling others into thinking you are sober doesn't equate to high functioning, when you are sweating, shaking, vomiting, and drinking on the sly... and the rest! I will write that in my journal and highlight it, because that rings so true.

so true
 

It has reached a point where i need to choose between life and death, because my body is desperately screaming at me for help. Thank you for your advice! Kel

Hello and welcome! I am so glad to hear you went to see a doctor. I too held onto the "highly functioning" lie. Yes I showed up at all my commitments, work and otherwise, I managed to feed and bathe my children, I kept in touch with friends and family, but like you said, just keeping up with the daily drinking and hangovers and trying to stay alert was too much. I am just barely getting there, but I keep coming back and trying. You can too.

I agree with Dee... See a doctor.

Also, you're not 'highly functioning'. That's just a lie we tell ourselves to make it OK to keep drinking.

Once you've been sober a while you'll be able to see how impaired you were and in how many ways.

At 31 I also felt like I was pretty 'highly functioning' - a line of crap which I used to justify another nine years of addiction and consequences.... Which was finally enough to force me to see what a load of bollocks that 'highly functioning' nonsense was.