Hi - story and need support
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 1
Hi - story and need support
I had an interview on Tuesday at a place I have been trying to get an interview for 10 years, for a dream job. I ****** up the interview. So, so, so beyond measure. As in, 'I think I'l have a drink to relax before the interview' and if one drink help a little, 10 drinks will help a lot', right?
And then lets fall on the street after and wind up in ER, and have to then go to my ex boyfriend's at 5am because the hospitals sucks and kicks you out of ER when you're still ****** up.
The past two months have been all kind of ****** up - since I had to go off Topomax (anti craving drug) and Antabuse because of other medical problems. I've had a few really, really bad incidences. These are the types of incidences that I would ignore and brush off if I lived on my own, but since I'm stuck at my parents house, they won't let me. They're basically forcing me to take a medical leave from work, and check myself into rehab.
I don't even know if I"ll have a job to come back to...I probably won't. And ******* up that interview is still so heavy on my mind that when I think about it I want to die. And when It hinka about my ex boyfriend seeing me in that state, I also want to die, because we were actually supposed to have dinner the next night, and I was going to show him how together, and wonderful I was doing (I even knew what I was going to wear).
So yeah. Sorry to write this long, ridiculous self centered rant. This will be my third rehab. The place I'm going I am choosing for myself because they are not 12 step based and they are the inpatient version of an organization that I've been to outpatient at and have had success with. It's just I"ve been trying at this before and I'm so overwhelmed, and I want to do this, but I'm just so frustrated with myself and upset and I can't even get into the place until late next week, so remembered this place from years ago the first time I tried to get sober and thought I would try some internet support to keep myself from going crazy this week.
And then lets fall on the street after and wind up in ER, and have to then go to my ex boyfriend's at 5am because the hospitals sucks and kicks you out of ER when you're still ****** up.
The past two months have been all kind of ****** up - since I had to go off Topomax (anti craving drug) and Antabuse because of other medical problems. I've had a few really, really bad incidences. These are the types of incidences that I would ignore and brush off if I lived on my own, but since I'm stuck at my parents house, they won't let me. They're basically forcing me to take a medical leave from work, and check myself into rehab.
I don't even know if I"ll have a job to come back to...I probably won't. And ******* up that interview is still so heavy on my mind that when I think about it I want to die. And when It hinka about my ex boyfriend seeing me in that state, I also want to die, because we were actually supposed to have dinner the next night, and I was going to show him how together, and wonderful I was doing (I even knew what I was going to wear).
So yeah. Sorry to write this long, ridiculous self centered rant. This will be my third rehab. The place I'm going I am choosing for myself because they are not 12 step based and they are the inpatient version of an organization that I've been to outpatient at and have had success with. It's just I"ve been trying at this before and I'm so overwhelmed, and I want to do this, but I'm just so frustrated with myself and upset and I can't even get into the place until late next week, so remembered this place from years ago the first time I tried to get sober and thought I would try some internet support to keep myself from going crazy this week.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Welcome to SR. You've had a rough week. I used to drink to conquer stress and anxiety too. That didn't work so well.
It's a drag that things didn't work out with the interview or getting together but those things aren't actually important right now. Getting sober and maintaining sobriety is.
Adding big things to our lives, like new jobs and relationships, while we're still actively drinking, is like building a house on sand. Eventually it'll crumble. Even if we want it more than anything on earth other than drinking, it is bound to get mucked up by the drinking.
It's great that you have the opportunity to go to rehab. I wish you the best. Until you can go, check in and post here for support.
It's a drag that things didn't work out with the interview or getting together but those things aren't actually important right now. Getting sober and maintaining sobriety is.
Adding big things to our lives, like new jobs and relationships, while we're still actively drinking, is like building a house on sand. Eventually it'll crumble. Even if we want it more than anything on earth other than drinking, it is bound to get mucked up by the drinking.
It's great that you have the opportunity to go to rehab. I wish you the best. Until you can go, check in and post here for support.
Rehydrating to Oblivion.
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,332
Welcome to the forum Alessa.
Sorry to hear you are having such a rough time. I to am on medical leave from work at the moment. I'm not in rehab but it's got to the point where I need to sort myself out and put the job second, or I won't be here in a few years time.
I hope it works out well for you. Sending over sober vibes. I hope you find SR as supportive as I have
Sorry to hear you are having such a rough time. I to am on medical leave from work at the moment. I'm not in rehab but it's got to the point where I need to sort myself out and put the job second, or I won't be here in a few years time.
I hope it works out well for you. Sending over sober vibes. I hope you find SR as supportive as I have
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Welcome Alessa - you found a great place for encouragement.
I did things like that all the time over the decades that I drank. It took me a long time to admit drinking would never help me or make anything easier. Every time I picked up it led to disaster. It's a cliche, but I have no 'off switch' & by the time that first drink hits my system anything can happen. Any promises I make to myself are forgotten. There is no 'one drink', ever.
I'm glad you're going to rehab - you sound ready. Good to have you posting here with us - believe me, we all understand what you're going through. Try not to focus on the things you can't change - your life is going to be different now, and that stuff will just be a dim memory.
I did things like that all the time over the decades that I drank. It took me a long time to admit drinking would never help me or make anything easier. Every time I picked up it led to disaster. It's a cliche, but I have no 'off switch' & by the time that first drink hits my system anything can happen. Any promises I make to myself are forgotten. There is no 'one drink', ever.
I'm glad you're going to rehab - you sound ready. Good to have you posting here with us - believe me, we all understand what you're going through. Try not to focus on the things you can't change - your life is going to be different now, and that stuff will just be a dim memory.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,391
Welcome Alessa - this is a great place for support - really glad to have you here
I messed up my life pretty much - but I turned it around, with the help of people here. I know you can turn it around too
D
I messed up my life pretty much - but I turned it around, with the help of people here. I know you can turn it around too
D
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