One day down
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Missoula, Montana
Posts: 164
One day down
Made it through an entire day. First time in six months I have not had one, it not two bottles, of wine at night. I think I slept for 15 minutes. Maybe 20! 
Got a lovely text from my soon to be ex-sister in law criticizing me for my drinking problem that ruined our family. And I almost drank over that. But then I thought, no - I have spent enough time digging lately through my emotional baggage that while I accept the responsibility for my behavior and immensely regret it, I lived in a highly critical, verbally and emotionally and at times physically abusive house. I walked on eggshells.
I miss the good parts of my husband. I do not miss being scared or nervous or monitoring every word with the fear I might anger him. I guess that's not the way real families are.
I went through my old posts. I sound awful! So scared and guilty and filled with shame. And I went through my affidavit for my divorce and pulled out all my documented instances of being verbally abused, called bad names, shoved, had things thrown at me - It is funny how it impacted me. Still wish I had not allowed myself to lose control over my drinking.
But just seeing what my sister in law sent me - how my drinking had shamed him, how HE had been willing to work with me - somehow a foot through my door doesn't seem like much more than an attempt to scare the living crap out of me.
Two wrongs don't make even a half right. But it was nice to not drink. It was nice to think it isn't all me and that there is a point in a toxic relationship where there is more damage done than not.
Got a lovely text from my soon to be ex-sister in law criticizing me for my drinking problem that ruined our family. And I almost drank over that. But then I thought, no - I have spent enough time digging lately through my emotional baggage that while I accept the responsibility for my behavior and immensely regret it, I lived in a highly critical, verbally and emotionally and at times physically abusive house. I walked on eggshells.
I miss the good parts of my husband. I do not miss being scared or nervous or monitoring every word with the fear I might anger him. I guess that's not the way real families are.
I went through my old posts. I sound awful! So scared and guilty and filled with shame. And I went through my affidavit for my divorce and pulled out all my documented instances of being verbally abused, called bad names, shoved, had things thrown at me - It is funny how it impacted me. Still wish I had not allowed myself to lose control over my drinking.
But just seeing what my sister in law sent me - how my drinking had shamed him, how HE had been willing to work with me - somehow a foot through my door doesn't seem like much more than an attempt to scare the living crap out of me.
Two wrongs don't make even a half right. But it was nice to not drink. It was nice to think it isn't all me and that there is a point in a toxic relationship where there is more damage done than not.
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
My phone has an option to block calls/texts from specific phone numbers. If your phone has the same, I'd suggest blocking your sister-in-law's number. If she's soon to be your ex, I don't know of any reason you need to be talking to her. Especially if she's sending triggering texts like that.
Congrats on making it through day one. I highly suggest joining and actively participating in the Class of July 2015 thread found on this same forum. It's a great way to learn from and help others who are also in early recovery.
Congrats on making it through day one. I highly suggest joining and actively participating in the Class of July 2015 thread found on this same forum. It's a great way to learn from and help others who are also in early recovery.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Auckland
Posts: 2,548
Wow - to have gone through all that and to sound so level-headed. I have a 'thing' about people sending nasty texts, emails etc....it seems so cowardly to me, and quite frankly, low class (in the behavioural sense of the word) I agree - block her calls and texts if you can.
Glad you have joined the July class :-) I joined a week ago and am getting so much out of it.
Glad you have joined the July class :-) I joined a week ago and am getting so much out of it.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
