Banjoist

My health, my relationships, and my dad-is-awesome brand that I need to maintain

FarToGo

I realised that alcohol was in control of me, not a good feeling!
All my plans for anything (even little things) had to factor in when I could drink, how much to buy, hiding the empties. I was dragging myself through my week at work with a hangover every day. There were only small windows in my relationships that were worth anything, (when I'd had just the right amount to drink).......... I felt I couldn't stop and I was miserable.
I'm 50 this year and started looking ahead to that decade.......... what did I want? Illness, premature aging, nothing improving and only getting worse........
I'm not going back to all that, I'm not.
x

DoubleDragons

Like we are always told to think the drink to the end, I had real life visuals of thinking the drinking life to the end. My husband's father died of alcoholism at age 59, his mother had to have ascites pumped out of her abdomen more than once. She quit drinking but does not have good relations with her adult children, having been an active alcoholic during their formative years. My mother has ruined more than one family occasion with her active alcoholism and my father has become a pathetic shadow of himself being her enabler. Bottom line, I saw where I was headed if I continued with my excessive drinking, and I couldn't stand that vision. I want to be a mother and grandmother to be proud of, to admire, to lean on for strength and dignity. Alcohol didn't fit into that picture.

NestWasEmpty

DoubleDragons Thank you for that reply . Your a stronger person than I was .
My parents have passed , both life long alcoholics . I hated them for it for years - what they put the family through . I fell into that same black hole I told myself I would never do !
I can't hate myself forever , I had to learn to forgive what I did some how .
Maybe someday I'm hoping my children will too . If they don't I will understand completely ..
As for now I take it one day at a time . Only thing I can do .

DoubleDragons

Nest, do not beat yourself up. I think if my in-laws had ever owned up and made amends, things would have been different relationship-wise. I still have a relationship with my parents but it would have been/would be entirely different if my parents would acknowledge my mom's alcoholism and get help. Bottom line, if any of these people would have done/would do true recovery work, besides just quitting drinking, I think we would have much better relations. I think by nature, humans are a very forgiving lot, but you can't forgive what isn't acknowledged and changed.

StellaPolaris

I have this mental image of being tossed around in a tornado, everything being uprooted and turning to rubble around me. I created more and more chaos, causing me to drink more, causing more chaos. Every day started with a feeling of bitter disappointment that I survived the night. It wore me out completely, and I never had the will or energy to sort anything out. I was a great disappointment to myself and those around me who depend on me. No physical problems (abnormally low cholesterol, which I'm told is normal in alcoholics, go figure...). Just this exhaustion and problems piling up.

Turns out that tornado left some things standing, and sobriety was simpler than I had imagined (I pictured Dante's Inferno though).

blueberry2015

Me too. I can either be a happy drunk or a psychotic drunk.... I cant take that risk anymore. Ive done some pretty damn irresponisble things whilst drunk. Have been violent and verbally abusive... its like I can be happy but then if someone says something and I take it wrong its like a trigger in my head and im horrible. I mean really horrible. My mum has said that when im like that she doesnt recognise me and that im like a woman possessed and evil. I cant take that risk of being like that ever again its destroying my homelife and relationship. My drinking scares me... so I gotta stop. #day3

NestWasEmpty

blueberry , Congrats on your day 3 My drinking was pretty much the same as yours . I ended up being a very mean alcoholic . Difference was my parents were big time alcoholics while I was growing up . Thank the God they quit before my children - had their babies .
Anyways my Mom was the worst Real mean - scary when she drank . After I was dumb enough to fall in their foot steps . When ever there was a family gathering , after I would get drinking too heavy . ( Mom had quit ) by than . My Dad would only socially . My Mom would tell me I had to leave or tell my father to tell me . One day I looked right at her ( I was grown ) no longer scared of her . Said Why I'm only speaking my mind like you use to Do ??
She said " You turned out just like me - I can't stand you around any more !!
That just lead me into drinking more . To show her she couldn't tell me what to do anymore ... Great thinking on my part - NOT
When you see the signs of what alcohol is doing to your life & family get out before , You lose your strength too

Lance40

It varies, but for today it's for early Saturday mornings sprawled on the couch feeling awake and happy about life while enjoying a cup of coffee with a purring cat curled up on my lap.

Upwardspiral

Too many reasons to list! I can't really come up with any good reason to keep drinking, as they all end in suffering. It got to the point where chasing after the pleasure in a drink was like chasing after a mirage, upon the first sip the misery returned and I was just still chasing that pleasure all the way to the bottom, ending up with a mouthful of sand. I wrote this quote on my coffee table: "there is no such joy in the tavern as upon the road thereto"

esoxlucius

Drinking had become to define the real me too much for too long and I was tired of it. I would drink little in front of others but leave early so I could buy booze to get wasted on my own at home! Eventually I was tired of the person I had become and ashamed of my secret life.

Work. I have a good job and am doing well in it but as I rose higher it became more and more difficult to perform with the constant hangovers and early departures. I was tired of the effort of it all.

Health. I am approaching 50 and had started to pile on the weight and I suppose my vanity kicked in and I knew I couldn't live a healthy life and drink at all. I also started looking ahead and knew the complications would get so much worse as I aged and didn't want that.

And finally... a song lyric (from Sigh No More, Mumford and Sons for those that are interested) I wanted to "be more like the man I was made to be" and to see what that was like.

NestWasEmpty

esoxlucius , Thanks for replying to this post . Good luck in your Sober journey

MyTime86

I'll be a year sober tomorrow, I'm a new person.
I was lost a year ago and very sad I had giving up on my self. So I quit and everyday I stayed clean was a blessing. First few months were roller coaster and I didn't think I would get better, but I did and now I know I can become the person I was meant to be. Everyone had their own reasons hang in there and you will find peace

NestWasEmpty

https://youtu.be/xTH-Mrm8YS8 Hoping this link works - " 30 reasons to quit alcohol"

Soberwolf

I sustain my sobriety because its a million times better than the other option

SoberLife90

Alcohol was killing me mentally, physically, and spiritually. I have a wonderful life today and the most important thing I need to do is not take that first drink.

I want to live my life! I have faith that if I dont take that first drink everything will turn out just fine.

LadyinBC

For the peace and contentment I have now that I never found in the bottle.

So that I can see my grandchildren grow up. Being a grandma just rocks!

kittycat3

So I can respect myself when I look in the mirror. I can hold my head high knowing I did not compromise myself the night before.
And to avoid the nasty hangovers I was getting!

NestWasEmpty

We all have to remember why we wanted to get on our Sober Journeys . Keeps you on your toes , when your AV tries to tell you otherwise .
The way I look at it is like a second job of sorts . Takes work , for some they only need to put the work in part time , others it's full time . At the end of the day you can pat yourself on the back & say You did a good job , be Proud of yourself !!
Like anything sometimes , you get tired & you didn't do the work as good as you had hoped . No worries- There's always tomorrow

ItWillBeWorthIt

SO many reasons to stay sober... to sum it up, I LOVE living in my sober World. It is the complete opposite of dying in my active alcoholism World.

This is a fabulous thread for so many people visiting or participating on this website, it reminds up of why we need to stay close to sober recovery website... so we don't become complacent and take our sobriety for granted.

Continuous work on recovery is needed... and I love that type of work... I see the positive changes each and every day!