My story... the shortest version that I know how to tell
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: TX
Posts: 239
My story... the shortest version that I know how to tell
For my own recovery and hopefully to help others, I am putting my story in black in white. This testimony truly shows that my addictive personality began young and has continued through my late 30's.
I had a pretty good childhood growing up with a loving stepfather and mother that included summer visits to see my alcoholic father and step mother. I remember being a happy child up until I was in 5th grade. Around that time I was chubbier than some kids and verbally abused and made fun of by my peers. I turned to food and purging to comfort myself at 10.
Next came middle school, where I was even more out of place and bullied. I remember sneaking into my parents liquor cabinet in 7th grade with friends and how just a sip would numb my pain and make me feel like I had confidence. I surrounded myself with the "bad crowd" and the first time I got drunk, I was 13. That first time I ended up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning at 13. I almost died. Did that stop me? No! I continued to drink, try marijuana and acid throughout my high school years. My mother had enough an kicked me out multiple times. The last time she sent me to live with my father, who I barely knew.
Fast forward to 18, after living with a "good time" dad, who didn't mind me smoking cigarettes and having an occasional glass of wine... I thought my senior year would be a breeze. Only my step mother and father would have no part of my rebellious behavior and they kicked me out of their house a few days after I turned 18. With no where to go and living in my car... I moved into an older co-worker's house. She had friends that owned a strip club and told me that I could make a lot of money as a cocktail waitress. I had no other means to get my own place, so despite my hangups of working there I went to work. A few months down the road I became a dancer to support my newly found love of cocaine and crack. I supported myself and my habit swinging around that pole and traveling around the country. In order to live with myself at the end of the day, I drank to loosen up and take the edge off of the drugs I was doing. I ended up meeting my son's father who introduced me to meth. After living this way for six months, I begged my mom to let me come back home and put me into a rehab. That didn't happen but I did pray to for a child, ended up pregnant at 19 and vowed to change my life.
I was a clean and sober other and I did my best to be an example to him. I left his father at 21 and moved where my parents lived. For about 5 years, I was ok drinking and not doing drugs. I didn't get crazy and could put the drink down. I was happy and a lot of fun to be around. Then comes a DWI. I got a slap on the wrist and tried to cut down my consumption. I vowed to never drink and drive again.
I had been with my boyfriend of 4 years and we were engaged to be married when I found out how bad his drinking had got. He spent all of our money and hid bottles all around the house. I told him that he had to get help or I wouldn't marry him. He cleaned up, we were married, only to have him relapse on our honeymoon in Mexico. From then on, we drank together for 2 1/2 years. I was miserable and decided to just end it all one night by taking a bunch of pills and drinking 3 bottles of wine. I woke up in the hospital and was forced to go to a psychiatric ward for 2 weeks. You think I would've straightened up then but no.
Eventually, I ended up divorced and moved to Texas where I would make a new start. I had always wanted to go to college and make something out of my life, so I did what I set out to do. I enrolled in school and continued to party it up when I didn't have my son. I ended up blowing a tire out one night after a Christmas party and long story short, the cops came to check on me and I was arrested with a DWI. This should've been my second but somehow the first one magically disappeared. I lost 1,000's of dollars to fines and legal fees plus I had to wear an ankle monitor to class and work for 15 days. Did I stop drinking.... nope! That was in 2008.
I managed to somehow work 3 jobs, put myself through school and graduate with a 3.5 to earn a BS in education... all the while trying to moderate my drinking. I drank during my first year of teaching but I rationalized it because I was new to the profession and stressed out. A nice bottle of wine or 3 was what I deserved for all my hard work. I changed schools my second year and continued to drink even more. Last year was very stressful working around negative people, children with horrible home lives, and a terrible boss and so again I drank to cope with it all. That was until my grandfather passed away from alzheimers. I flew home and drank with my family for 4 days straight. I remember getting home being so hungover and looking at the generations of alcoholics in my family. I wanted better for my son and I wanted to stop finally. I got serious. I knew that I couldn't keep this up or I would end up dead. At this time, I had only got up a few times and decided that a little hair of the dog wouldn't be too bad. It had made me sick to think that I was hiding bottles around my house and drinking in the morning. Still no one knew how bad I was. I logged on to SR in November, became a member in December and had sober holidays from November on.
Then in February I was having a very hard time at work. I had made it 72 days and after one particular bad day.... I gave into the AV and drank whisky of all things? I was a beer or wine drinker mainly because I had rationalized that I couldn't handle liquor by that point and that beer didn't make me a crazy drunk. It didn't happen over night but slowly I was back to drinking 3 or more nights a week. One day I had to go home from work because I was so hungover and feeling bad. I told them I had a stomach bug and sat in my bed the rest of the day feeling sorry for myself that I had got to the point of where I was missing work, as an educator, due to my drinking. What a great example I was ?!? Missing work as a waitress didn't seem to matter but as a teacher this disgusted me. Did I stop? NO!
Summer vacation came in June and by that point I was drinking about 5-6 days a week from the time I got up till I went to bed. It was a hellish nightmare. I felt sick all of the time, I didn't enjoy my vacation, I tried to get back into bad relationships, made terrible mistakes and then ultimately did what I said I would never do again. I had 3 beers before a night of meeting up with an ex and drove out to his house. On the drive out there, a car slammed on their breaks to turn and I rear-ended them. I had a small crack in the bumper of my 1 year old car and was pi$$ed but I also was relieved that they didn't want to call the cops or file it with our insurance companies because no one was hurt. Thank God for that, or I could have been looking at some serious jail time and the end of the career that I love. I didn't even quit after that. I continued to say that I would stop tomorrow and continued to drink for a week out of guilt. Then I took my last drink on Friday, July 3rd at about 7 in the morning. I felt awful..... and just want to be done with drinking. On the fourth of July, I was completely alone and sad. I picked up the phone and talked to one of my best friends that I work with. After about a 4 hour conversation she knew everything about my life. I must say that having that conversation was the best thing that I could have done. I admitted to someone else that I had a serious problem and she has been there to help me every step of the way since then.
Yes, she could maybe tell people at work about my problems if she got mad at me, but I trust her. Honestly, I don't care if people know that I don't drink anymore. I am sure that they will see a different me at work this year. I know I will feel better about myself. I drank because I was filled with guilt, remorse, sadness, and anxiety. From November 2014 up till now, I have been on the path to recovery. I have taken the time to seek therapy last year to get to the root of why I drink. I just fell off for a little bit and now I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have left out a ton of stuff that has gone on in my life but this is the last 25 years in a nutshell. I thank God for my family that believes in me and support my decision to quit for good, my friend, and for all of you that inspire me daily to fight the good fight!
Thank you for allowing me to get this out and reading my testimony.
I had a pretty good childhood growing up with a loving stepfather and mother that included summer visits to see my alcoholic father and step mother. I remember being a happy child up until I was in 5th grade. Around that time I was chubbier than some kids and verbally abused and made fun of by my peers. I turned to food and purging to comfort myself at 10.
Next came middle school, where I was even more out of place and bullied. I remember sneaking into my parents liquor cabinet in 7th grade with friends and how just a sip would numb my pain and make me feel like I had confidence. I surrounded myself with the "bad crowd" and the first time I got drunk, I was 13. That first time I ended up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning at 13. I almost died. Did that stop me? No! I continued to drink, try marijuana and acid throughout my high school years. My mother had enough an kicked me out multiple times. The last time she sent me to live with my father, who I barely knew.
Fast forward to 18, after living with a "good time" dad, who didn't mind me smoking cigarettes and having an occasional glass of wine... I thought my senior year would be a breeze. Only my step mother and father would have no part of my rebellious behavior and they kicked me out of their house a few days after I turned 18. With no where to go and living in my car... I moved into an older co-worker's house. She had friends that owned a strip club and told me that I could make a lot of money as a cocktail waitress. I had no other means to get my own place, so despite my hangups of working there I went to work. A few months down the road I became a dancer to support my newly found love of cocaine and crack. I supported myself and my habit swinging around that pole and traveling around the country. In order to live with myself at the end of the day, I drank to loosen up and take the edge off of the drugs I was doing. I ended up meeting my son's father who introduced me to meth. After living this way for six months, I begged my mom to let me come back home and put me into a rehab. That didn't happen but I did pray to for a child, ended up pregnant at 19 and vowed to change my life.
I was a clean and sober other and I did my best to be an example to him. I left his father at 21 and moved where my parents lived. For about 5 years, I was ok drinking and not doing drugs. I didn't get crazy and could put the drink down. I was happy and a lot of fun to be around. Then comes a DWI. I got a slap on the wrist and tried to cut down my consumption. I vowed to never drink and drive again.
I had been with my boyfriend of 4 years and we were engaged to be married when I found out how bad his drinking had got. He spent all of our money and hid bottles all around the house. I told him that he had to get help or I wouldn't marry him. He cleaned up, we were married, only to have him relapse on our honeymoon in Mexico. From then on, we drank together for 2 1/2 years. I was miserable and decided to just end it all one night by taking a bunch of pills and drinking 3 bottles of wine. I woke up in the hospital and was forced to go to a psychiatric ward for 2 weeks. You think I would've straightened up then but no.
Eventually, I ended up divorced and moved to Texas where I would make a new start. I had always wanted to go to college and make something out of my life, so I did what I set out to do. I enrolled in school and continued to party it up when I didn't have my son. I ended up blowing a tire out one night after a Christmas party and long story short, the cops came to check on me and I was arrested with a DWI. This should've been my second but somehow the first one magically disappeared. I lost 1,000's of dollars to fines and legal fees plus I had to wear an ankle monitor to class and work for 15 days. Did I stop drinking.... nope! That was in 2008.
I managed to somehow work 3 jobs, put myself through school and graduate with a 3.5 to earn a BS in education... all the while trying to moderate my drinking. I drank during my first year of teaching but I rationalized it because I was new to the profession and stressed out. A nice bottle of wine or 3 was what I deserved for all my hard work. I changed schools my second year and continued to drink even more. Last year was very stressful working around negative people, children with horrible home lives, and a terrible boss and so again I drank to cope with it all. That was until my grandfather passed away from alzheimers. I flew home and drank with my family for 4 days straight. I remember getting home being so hungover and looking at the generations of alcoholics in my family. I wanted better for my son and I wanted to stop finally. I got serious. I knew that I couldn't keep this up or I would end up dead. At this time, I had only got up a few times and decided that a little hair of the dog wouldn't be too bad. It had made me sick to think that I was hiding bottles around my house and drinking in the morning. Still no one knew how bad I was. I logged on to SR in November, became a member in December and had sober holidays from November on.
Then in February I was having a very hard time at work. I had made it 72 days and after one particular bad day.... I gave into the AV and drank whisky of all things? I was a beer or wine drinker mainly because I had rationalized that I couldn't handle liquor by that point and that beer didn't make me a crazy drunk. It didn't happen over night but slowly I was back to drinking 3 or more nights a week. One day I had to go home from work because I was so hungover and feeling bad. I told them I had a stomach bug and sat in my bed the rest of the day feeling sorry for myself that I had got to the point of where I was missing work, as an educator, due to my drinking. What a great example I was ?!? Missing work as a waitress didn't seem to matter but as a teacher this disgusted me. Did I stop? NO!
Summer vacation came in June and by that point I was drinking about 5-6 days a week from the time I got up till I went to bed. It was a hellish nightmare. I felt sick all of the time, I didn't enjoy my vacation, I tried to get back into bad relationships, made terrible mistakes and then ultimately did what I said I would never do again. I had 3 beers before a night of meeting up with an ex and drove out to his house. On the drive out there, a car slammed on their breaks to turn and I rear-ended them. I had a small crack in the bumper of my 1 year old car and was pi$$ed but I also was relieved that they didn't want to call the cops or file it with our insurance companies because no one was hurt. Thank God for that, or I could have been looking at some serious jail time and the end of the career that I love. I didn't even quit after that. I continued to say that I would stop tomorrow and continued to drink for a week out of guilt. Then I took my last drink on Friday, July 3rd at about 7 in the morning. I felt awful..... and just want to be done with drinking. On the fourth of July, I was completely alone and sad. I picked up the phone and talked to one of my best friends that I work with. After about a 4 hour conversation she knew everything about my life. I must say that having that conversation was the best thing that I could have done. I admitted to someone else that I had a serious problem and she has been there to help me every step of the way since then.
Yes, she could maybe tell people at work about my problems if she got mad at me, but I trust her. Honestly, I don't care if people know that I don't drink anymore. I am sure that they will see a different me at work this year. I know I will feel better about myself. I drank because I was filled with guilt, remorse, sadness, and anxiety. From November 2014 up till now, I have been on the path to recovery. I have taken the time to seek therapy last year to get to the root of why I drink. I just fell off for a little bit and now I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have left out a ton of stuff that has gone on in my life but this is the last 25 years in a nutshell. I thank God for my family that believes in me and support my decision to quit for good, my friend, and for all of you that inspire me daily to fight the good fight!
Thank you for allowing me to get this out and reading my testimony.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 740
Hi Ang,
My story is kind of smilar to yours. I didn't ever get DUI's by the grace of God, but I could have at least twice...anyhow, glad to have you here fighting the good fight with the rest of us.
Delfin
My story is kind of smilar to yours. I didn't ever get DUI's by the grace of God, but I could have at least twice...anyhow, glad to have you here fighting the good fight with the rest of us.
Delfin
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
great post.
it reminds me when i first went to an aa meeting i was 1 year sober and wondered my butt in there sat that table and wondered how in the hell I ended up there? My life flashed before me and i thought i'm a grown adult and look where i am? Before getting there I thought I wasnt gonna say nothing I certainly was not an alcoholic. I didnt have a drinking problem me no never ifigured i'd just sit quietly and observe i was above all them. Then they asked me to introduce myself... and i said "hi my name is ____ and i'm an alcoholic" that was sobering!
It sounds like you took the long way to get here. thats no big deal I did too glad your here at this point in time.
Leave the past in the past if you can it will make your present much easier.
it reminds me when i first went to an aa meeting i was 1 year sober and wondered my butt in there sat that table and wondered how in the hell I ended up there? My life flashed before me and i thought i'm a grown adult and look where i am? Before getting there I thought I wasnt gonna say nothing I certainly was not an alcoholic. I didnt have a drinking problem me no never ifigured i'd just sit quietly and observe i was above all them. Then they asked me to introduce myself... and i said "hi my name is ____ and i'm an alcoholic" that was sobering!
It sounds like you took the long way to get here. thats no big deal I did too glad your here at this point in time.
Leave the past in the past if you can it will make your present much easier.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: TX
Posts: 239
Thank you all for your comments! I really appreciate them. If my story can help one person today then I'm glad I posted this long-winded story. I'm working on leaving the past in the past and just living life day by day. Each day that I open my eyes sober is a gift! I have a purpose and a reason that my life has been spared countless times. I will live up to my potential and hopefully inspire others to do the same.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Originally Posted by angd1978 
Thank you all for your comments! I really appreciate them. If my story can help one person today then I'm glad I posted this long-winded story. I'm working on leaving the past in the past and just living life day by day. Each day that I open my eyes sober is a gift! I have a purpose and a reason that my life has been spared countless times. I will live up to my potential and hopefully inspire others to do the same.
I think this myself all the time Sometimes I'm mad "i'm not even suppost to be here today" sometimes i'm happy and i think it. Given my past and my track record its a very true statement.
But like you I'm here for some reason. And I have a purpose and a reason. But for all intensive purposes I shouldnt be here.
So when I think "i'm not even suppost to be here today" I also think but I am.....
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Originally Posted by angd1978
Thank you all for your comments! I really appreciate them. If my story can help one person today then I'm glad I posted this long-winded story. I'm working on leaving the past in the past and just living life day by day. Each day that I open my eyes sober is a gift! I have a purpose and a reason that my life has been spared countless times. I will live up to my potential and hopefully inspire others to do the same.
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