Lovesunrises

Hi all: I am feeling like a mess today and beginning to think there is no hope for me. I can remain sober for months at a time, but then I drink again and start the whole crazy cycle all over again. I have everything to be grateful for, and I consider myself a smart person. I just don't know why I can't beat this....I'm just so frustrated.

LBrain

good morning lovesunrises,

The frustration of drinking can be as alarming as the drinking itself.

Do you know why you drank? Understanding what got you to drink again is important. If you did not drink for over a month you were over the physical need.
It's time to address the "why I drink" subject.

There are countless reasons why people drink even when they know they shouldn't.
We must isolate our thinking when it comes to that urgent desire to throw one back. Is it stress, anger, a feeling of emptiness or just the wanting the buzz or reminiscing of the "good times". Knowing what brings us back to the drink first enables us to put up roadblocks.

I'm sure others have some good input. Write a list of the reasons you drink. Then show yourself they are not valid reasons...

doggonecarl

LBrain beat me too it, but I'll ask as well. What prompted you to pick up after all those months? Did you think you could handle it? Start to doubt you had a problem? Sobriety not "Fun" enough for you? Or boring?

You can attain sobriety. But drinking cannot be an option...for any reason. Ever.

Lovesunrises

I think a big issue for me is loneliness. I can't handle it Carl, and that's what frustrates me the most. LBrain, I am writing that list now...the reasons I drink. Good suggestion.

Saskia

This addiction is tough to beat. I went for 13 years and relapsed. Please don't let that discourage you! The good news is that I kept learning more and developed additional tools. Most of us have a very strong addiction that can always come back to haunt us. Somehow each of us needs to learn to, as Dee says, take alcohol completely off the table! IMHO, there's a lot of hard work we need to do on ourselves. It's not enough to stay sober; we also need to work on our thinking, habits, lifestyle, recreation, relationships ...in short, the whole enchilada. It's definitely a journey!

Surrender2win

Have you tried any AA meetings or any other type of counseling? I haven't needed that so far, but I can tell you, a few times I locked myself in the bathroom and cried until the AV went away.... then came on SR and read posts. I am staying very close to SR this time and it really helps me. I wish you the best!

Zufrieden

Good morning Lovesunrises....
I'm sorry you are struggling. I had a un-explainable brief relapse last week and do need to work on the triggers....
As stated above, you just need to rule alcohol out as the remedy for whatever ails you whether loneliness, sadness anger etc... Once that is ruled out then all the other possibilities can be considered.
It's a beautiful day on the West Coast....was a great sunrise. I hope your day is better.
Don

aasharon90

Knowing that we are not alone in this
addiction and recovery is such a blessing.
You don't have to go about this all by urself
and its so good to see that you are here in
SR asking and looking for help and guidance.

There are quite a few recovery programs
that are available to help you learn about
your addiction and its affects on your own
mind, body and soul.

Knowledge is a powerful thing. Learning
all you can, reading, researching, absorbing
it and most of all applying it to your own
life will help you remain sober, healthy,
happy and honest each day you don't drink.

For me and many many others have found
that the AA program of recovery incorporated
in all our affairs has helped us remain sober
for a many one days at a time for yrs.

I began in rehab via a family intervention
24 yrs ago when I was 30 with a little family.
My little ones were in good hands so that
I could take that time in a controlled inviroment
to learn about my addiction and to receive
tools and knowledge of this program in guiding
me every step of the way as I continued on
in my own recovery journey.

My journey for the past 24 yrs has been
of changes, experiences, strengths and
hopes to get me where I am today. Healthy,
happy and honest.

The insanity of addiction can stop today
just by being willing, openminded to a program
of recovery to help you. Take that Action to
help you move forward to a heathier way of
life for yrs to come.

Lovesunrises

I have tried everything...I went to rehab, I have a therapist, went to IOP, that's why I'm feeling so hopeless. I went to AA too.

doggonecarl

If loneliness is an issue, what are you doing to address it?

Lovesunrises

Carl, I talk to my therapist about it. I always imagined my life to be so much different. I think that's why I'm so hard on myself.

firstymer

I am a "glass half full" kind of guy. And if you have demonstrated that you are able to stay sober for months at a time, I think that puts you in a pretty good starting position. Some of us were unable to string together 3 DAYS of sobriety.

I am no expert, but it seems that your issue is with triggers more than it is with sobriety in general. You identified loneliness as a trigger. That too encourages me. Because there are remedies for loneliness. More time at SR. A pet. Social/church/charity/recreational groups will allow you to expand your circle of friends.

I too was lonely in my early stages of sobriety. I felt like I had lost most of my drinking friends, and I wasn't real comfortable with who I was myself. So I didn't really like spending time alone with myself. But, the longer I have been able to stay sober, the more I like myself, and the more that I enjoy being alone.

So, don't be so down on yourself. You have a lot going for you. Don't give up. We are in your corner.

Good luck. I hope you will keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

Anna

Lovesunrises, if you believe loneliness is the biggest problem, can you do something to change that? That was an issue for me in early recovery, too, and I had to learn to feel comfortable being alone and it's made a big difference. Have you considered getting involved in volunteer work? That was something else that really helped me.

SunriseSky

There is hope for you, LoveSunrises! You may keep going back to drinking but you also keep trying to get sober. That's hope right there. There are so many people here who try, mess, up and try again and again and again. You are not alone in this journey. We are all here with you. Hang in there today. I know you can do this!

doggonecarl

A therapist might be okay if you want to accept being alone. But if you want to tackle loneliness head-on, how about doing something more people oriented? Like join a group, take a class, volunteer, find a coffee shop to hang out in, invite someone to a movie. Meet people. That's how you become unlonely.

Lovesunrises

Anna, I really wish I could change the way I feel about feeling so alone. I just don't know how to go about it. I raised 3 great kids into adult hood and then my husband of 20 + years decided he wanted a divorce. My kids are all adults and live in different states. I have animals that I love dearly, I'm trying everything everyone suggests

Zufrieden

Sunrises, loneliness is so rough. I still have three great kids at home but feel dread at their impending adulthood and departure. A great family has warded off some of my loneliness but I think some of us just have it, in general..... existential loneliness from just being here.
The loneliest I have ever felt, however, was when I treated it with alcohol. You know this but I just want to remind you.
Alcohol won't help. Other things really can.
We're here!
Don

aasharon90

The more you share about your feelings
and whats going on with you in your life
the better you will begin to get some good
feed back and lots of good helpful suggestions
to guide you along in finding a solution to
is ailing you.

Thank you for sharing what you have so far.

So many of us drink or drug to hide what
is really bothering us, We are always looking
for a quick fix to help us in not dealing with
what is really bother us. That underlying
issue. Something deep down within us.

I guess that is why the steps in AA are
used for us to work thru so we can address
those deep seeded issues that keep or kept
us sick.

Therapist are suppose to help us sort out
those issues. But if that isn't helping then
maybe there is something else.

Loneliness doesn't have to be. We have to
learn how to be comfortable with ourselves.
To learn how to love our own selves. We
deserve that in order to be happy and content.

As long as alcohol is in the body it affects
all areas of our body and mind. Then we
have a chemical imbalance in our system.
Doctors are available for us to use for health
problems and as long as we are totally honest
with them about our addiction then they will
be able to help us.

Making sure that they know that recovery
is important and that nothing narcotic or
habit forming is administered that would
interfere with our recovery, because being
sober or clean is top priority and we will do
whatever we need to do to protect it.

Drinking wont solve our problems but
only make them bigger.

Stay strong.

Surrender2win

Don't give up Lovesunrises. You're not alone in this. We're all together here in the same boat. Some have different issues, but for the most part, we all are here looking for the best way to achieve and maintain sobriety.

I like Anna's suggestion of getting involved in some type of volunteer work. That may help you.

Stay close to SR and don't give up. Hugs to you.

PurpleKnight

Some really good suggestions already, but the basis of Sobriety for me was tackling why I drank, but even then when I still felt like drinking ensuring i didn't drink at all costs.

You can go months, which is an achievement in itself as there are many struggling to do just that, it's the next bit, what happens when you feel like drinking and this loneliness kicks in?

For me I needed more support, I needed some barriers put in my way to stop me drinking, but on the other side of the coin I needed to find new things to do, new activities, meet new people, start filling the time I usually spent drinking!!

Hang in there!! You can do this!!