Advice on traveling sober..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: England
Posts: 53
Advice on traveling sober..
Hello all. It's been a while.
I was hoping for some advice. After having the worst two years of my life, with 2 big depressions, too much medication and too much drinking, I have finally finished university (probably failed, but I BLOODY FINISHED at least, and didn't give up). I have had therapy and in it have addressed my drinking as another form of self harm for the things I have not addressed in my past. We have been looking at how drinking stopped me from tackling my self esteem and shyness issues. I have slowly been cutting down on alcohol and, with the exception of one slip, have not drunk for 50 days - my past record that felt unbeatable again, and a bloody feat for me too.
I have felt like this city, my hometown, has been suffocating me for some time. I have always been the drunk girl with too many drinking friends, abusive alcoholic family members, and just plain old boredom. I feel like I can't be a better person here, I can't grow. So I have decided to leave. Handed my notice in on my job, my house, to travel Europe with my very supportive boyfriend and our dogs.
I have found that drinking non alcoholic beer at bars and parties when I don't have the energy to explain not drinking / or just have a craving for beer has reallyyyyy helped. In fact, they have been my lifeline: I don't want to drink at all when I have one. I have also realised that I just don't enjoy getting drunk anymore. Whilst I love the taste, even that fuzzy feeling at the beginning makes me panic now, and I know that it turns me into a person I don't want to be.
But I am also scared. I am scared of being in a new place, meeting new people, probably going to parties / clubs, and not drinking. But I am excited too. I realised alcohol increases my generalized anxiety disorder, stopping me from feeling relaxed enough to talk to new people. It makes me feel like a shell of the person I could become. I have recognised that my greatest risk is getting too comfortable and thinking... "Just one." I have almost considered getting a tiny tattoo on my wrist that says "off", as I have realised I just DO NOT possess the off switch when I start drinking... But then I'm not sure I want a word tattooed on me forever. I've almost been considering writing it on my hand when I go out in biro, but does that sound weird? Or should I just do whatever to keep recovery smack in front of me?
I don't miss the mystery bruises, the nosebleeds, the heart palpitations, the hangovers. I don't want to go back to that. But I am scared. Sorry for the ramble.
I was hoping for some advice. After having the worst two years of my life, with 2 big depressions, too much medication and too much drinking, I have finally finished university (probably failed, but I BLOODY FINISHED at least, and didn't give up). I have had therapy and in it have addressed my drinking as another form of self harm for the things I have not addressed in my past. We have been looking at how drinking stopped me from tackling my self esteem and shyness issues. I have slowly been cutting down on alcohol and, with the exception of one slip, have not drunk for 50 days - my past record that felt unbeatable again, and a bloody feat for me too.
I have felt like this city, my hometown, has been suffocating me for some time. I have always been the drunk girl with too many drinking friends, abusive alcoholic family members, and just plain old boredom. I feel like I can't be a better person here, I can't grow. So I have decided to leave. Handed my notice in on my job, my house, to travel Europe with my very supportive boyfriend and our dogs.
I have found that drinking non alcoholic beer at bars and parties when I don't have the energy to explain not drinking / or just have a craving for beer has reallyyyyy helped. In fact, they have been my lifeline: I don't want to drink at all when I have one. I have also realised that I just don't enjoy getting drunk anymore. Whilst I love the taste, even that fuzzy feeling at the beginning makes me panic now, and I know that it turns me into a person I don't want to be.
But I am also scared. I am scared of being in a new place, meeting new people, probably going to parties / clubs, and not drinking. But I am excited too. I realised alcohol increases my generalized anxiety disorder, stopping me from feeling relaxed enough to talk to new people. It makes me feel like a shell of the person I could become. I have recognised that my greatest risk is getting too comfortable and thinking... "Just one." I have almost considered getting a tiny tattoo on my wrist that says "off", as I have realised I just DO NOT possess the off switch when I start drinking... But then I'm not sure I want a word tattooed on me forever. I've almost been considering writing it on my hand when I go out in biro, but does that sound weird? Or should I just do whatever to keep recovery smack in front of me?
I don't miss the mystery bruises, the nosebleeds, the heart palpitations, the hangovers. I don't want to go back to that. But I am scared. Sorry for the ramble.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 654
Welcome. I am all out of words of wisdom this morning but it while travelling sounds fun it sure seems a lot to take on newly into sobriety.
Feel free to join us in the Class of July thread.
Nothing that helps you is weird everyone has different mechanisms. As I drank at home a lot I debated putting up post it notes say stuff like NO and 'This time won't be different' lol
Feel free to join us in the Class of July thread.
Nothing that helps you is weird everyone has different mechanisms. As I drank at home a lot I debated putting up post it notes say stuff like NO and 'This time won't be different' lol
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: England
Posts: 53
Thanks. Post its are are good idea. I know it is a lot to do. I am scared. But it also feels like if I stay here, I will die. I have spent 2 years barely leaving the same room, drinking in the morning to get rid of shakes. My dad had even offered to pay me to leave, so destructive is my surroundings here. I have also always stayed in my hometown to watch over my alcoholic ---. I feel like it's time for my life now. I figure: take a chance on sober travel or sit here and rot! I am scared, but at least I am excited about life again.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
My experiences with going to AA meetings has certainly helped me and millions. They only cost a donation we can afford and are just about everywhere. It’s a place of many enlightenments because I didn’t know what I didn’t know.
BE WELL
My experiences with going to AA meetings has certainly helped me and millions. They only cost a donation we can afford and are just about everywhere. It’s a place of many enlightenments because I didn’t know what I didn’t know.
BE WELL
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: England
Posts: 53
Originally Posted by soberwolf 
Dont let your AV creep through the side door
Massive Massive congratulations on finishing Uni !!!
Massive Massive congratulations on finishing Uni !!!
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
The good thing about meeting new people, on this travelling adventure, is that you can start off on a clean slate as a "non drinker", compared to the whole explaining situation with people we already know, "hello, I'm PK, I'll have a cranberry juice . . . oh no, I don't drink"!! . . . It can be much more straight forward if we want it to be.
The other thing to consider may be to not put yourself in soo many places where that fear of drinking may become a reality, the bars, the parties, if you're not near alcohol you won't have the opportunity to drink.
I know when I went on a trip around Europe many moons ago, I frequented the bars, the clubs the Eastern European vodka tours and all the rest of it, so I'd really consider what kind of trip is this going to be, is it going to be a hostelling, meet loads of people, go out all night, sleep all day trip or a chance for you and your boyfriend to really see Europe, the sites, the history, the coffee shops, and 100s of photos of real memories?!!
That decision on trip type may be something to consider beforehand!!
The other thing to consider may be to not put yourself in soo many places where that fear of drinking may become a reality, the bars, the parties, if you're not near alcohol you won't have the opportunity to drink.
I know when I went on a trip around Europe many moons ago, I frequented the bars, the clubs the Eastern European vodka tours and all the rest of it, so I'd really consider what kind of trip is this going to be, is it going to be a hostelling, meet loads of people, go out all night, sleep all day trip or a chance for you and your boyfriend to really see Europe, the sites, the history, the coffee shops, and 100s of photos of real memories?!!
That decision on trip type may be something to consider beforehand!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
What I've found is that wherever I go..... I'm still there.
And almost everywhere I've been in the world, if I wanted to drink, alcohol could be had.
So - what I've found to work for ME when traveling (or when NOT traveling) is to value sobriety more than I value alcohol. To value sobriety enough that I am willing to feel uncomfortable, willing to push through anxiety, willing to be patient as I evolve into who I really am.
Working sobriety by including a lot of tools - like AA, SR, Meditations, affirmations, gratitude lists, daily mantras, exercise, new hobbies, new routines, helping others.... all of these have been tools that have helped in balance to create a new life that doesn't include alcohol.
At first, traveling was hard. I used to do a lot of drinking while traveling so the very act of heading to the airport made an old, conditioned pattern light up. But instead of drinking, I found non-drinking things to do. In airports I didn't go to the airport bar, I went and got a water or a coffee and I browsed my whole wait time in the bookstore. I bought books and started reading again. I wrote. I went for airport walks.
When traveling new places instead of going to the bars and spending my whole time there drunk or buzzed up, I looked for healthy things to experience. I went running through all the parks in London and Paris. I ran along the Seine. I visited new restaurants. I walked around looking at street art. I went to museums. Instead of drinking... I DID THINGS TO EXPERIENCE LIFE INSTEAD OF BLOT IT OUT.
And there's the key... whether at home or on the travel trail - for me it has been about deciding to live my life instead of just while it away in dingy dark places where people gather to anesthetize themselves.
Sure, sometimes I'll go to a bar if there's a good band playing. Sometimes I'll go dancing or to a music festival where people are boozing it up. But I didn't at first. I avoided those things until I had a solid base of who I was a sober person. I first worked to build up a feeling of goodness and pride and healthy belief in myself AS a sober person. Nowadays.... travel, home, the bar, a club, a party, a gathering, or just sitting at home - I can do all of those and feel good and not feel overly anxious and feel comfortable with who I am without needing to muster confidence from a bottle.
Congratulations on 50 days.... while you're just getting started on sobriety - you're also a lot further along and a lot closer to freedom than you can imagine.
Keep at it.... IT IS SO WORTH IT
#soberliferocks
And almost everywhere I've been in the world, if I wanted to drink, alcohol could be had.
So - what I've found to work for ME when traveling (or when NOT traveling) is to value sobriety more than I value alcohol. To value sobriety enough that I am willing to feel uncomfortable, willing to push through anxiety, willing to be patient as I evolve into who I really am.
Working sobriety by including a lot of tools - like AA, SR, Meditations, affirmations, gratitude lists, daily mantras, exercise, new hobbies, new routines, helping others.... all of these have been tools that have helped in balance to create a new life that doesn't include alcohol.
At first, traveling was hard. I used to do a lot of drinking while traveling so the very act of heading to the airport made an old, conditioned pattern light up. But instead of drinking, I found non-drinking things to do. In airports I didn't go to the airport bar, I went and got a water or a coffee and I browsed my whole wait time in the bookstore. I bought books and started reading again. I wrote. I went for airport walks.
When traveling new places instead of going to the bars and spending my whole time there drunk or buzzed up, I looked for healthy things to experience. I went running through all the parks in London and Paris. I ran along the Seine. I visited new restaurants. I walked around looking at street art. I went to museums. Instead of drinking... I DID THINGS TO EXPERIENCE LIFE INSTEAD OF BLOT IT OUT.
And there's the key... whether at home or on the travel trail - for me it has been about deciding to live my life instead of just while it away in dingy dark places where people gather to anesthetize themselves.
Sure, sometimes I'll go to a bar if there's a good band playing. Sometimes I'll go dancing or to a music festival where people are boozing it up. But I didn't at first. I avoided those things until I had a solid base of who I was a sober person. I first worked to build up a feeling of goodness and pride and healthy belief in myself AS a sober person. Nowadays.... travel, home, the bar, a club, a party, a gathering, or just sitting at home - I can do all of those and feel good and not feel overly anxious and feel comfortable with who I am without needing to muster confidence from a bottle.
Congratulations on 50 days.... while you're just getting started on sobriety - you're also a lot further along and a lot closer to freedom than you can imagine.
Keep at it.... IT IS SO WORTH IT
#soberliferocks
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
there is a common ring in your post... you like parties and bars and will drink nonalcoholic beers just so you can still be a part of it, if that gets you through it fine, but be wary. What if they don't have nonalcoholic brew and you so much want the taste and want to fit in,
imo you are treading on shaky ground... I never understood that stupid saying about having your cake and eat it too, never made sense to me actually, but it applies to your situation if you understand...
congrats on finishing school, I recommend that if you are going to "travel" find something else to do besides hanging out with bar and party crowd.
Explore and learn...
imo you are treading on shaky ground... I never understood that stupid saying about having your cake and eat it too, never made sense to me actually, but it applies to your situation if you understand...
congrats on finishing school, I recommend that if you are going to "travel" find something else to do besides hanging out with bar and party crowd.
Explore and learn...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: England
Posts: 53
Originally Posted by Purpleknight
The good thing about meeting new people, on this travelling adventure, is that you can start off on a clean slate as a "non drinker", compared to the whole explaining situation with people we already know, "hello, I'm PK, I'll have a cranberry juice . . . oh no, I don't drink"!! . . . It can be much more straight forward if we want it to be
I don't drink!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: England
Posts: 53
Originally Posted by FreeOwl
What I've found is that wherever I go..... I'm still there.
And almost everywhere I've been in the world, if I wanted to drink, alcohol could be had.
So - what I've found to work for ME when traveling (or when NOT traveling) is to value sobriety more than I value alcohol. To value sobriety enough that I am willing to feel uncomfortable, willing to push through anxiety, willing to be patient as I evolve into who I really am.
Working sobriety by including a lot of tools - like AA, SR, Meditations, affirmations, gratitude lists, daily mantras, exercise, new hobbies, new routines, helping others.... all of these have been tools that have helped in balance to create a new life that doesn't include alcohol.
At first, traveling was hard. I used to do a lot of drinking while traveling so the very act of heading to the airport made an old, conditioned pattern light up. But instead of drinking, I found non-drinking things to do. In airports I didn't go to the airport bar, I went and got a water or a coffee and I browsed my whole wait time in the bookstore. I bought books and started reading again. I wrote. I went for airport walks.
When traveling new places instead of going to the bars and spending my whole time there drunk or buzzed up, I looked for healthy things to experience. I went running through all the parks in London and Paris. I ran along the Seine. I visited new restaurants. I walked around looking at street art. I went to museums. Instead of drinking... I DID THINGS TO EXPERIENCE LIFE INSTEAD OF BLOT IT OUT.
And there's the key... whether at home or on the travel trail - for me it has been about deciding to live my life instead of just while it away in dingy dark places where people gather to anesthetize themselves.
Sure, sometimes I'll go to a bar if there's a good band playing. Sometimes I'll go dancing or to a music festival where people are boozing it up. But I didn't at first. I avoided those things until I had a solid base of who I was a sober person. I first worked to build up a feeling of goodness and pride and healthy belief in myself AS a sober person. Nowadays.... travel, home, the bar, a club, a party, a gathering, or just sitting at home - I can do all of those and feel good and not feel overly anxious and feel comfortable with who I am without needing to muster confidence from a bottle.
Congratulations on 50 days.... while you're just getting started on sobriety - you're also a lot further along and a lot closer to freedom than you can imagine.
Keep at it.... IT IS SO WORTH IT
#soberliferocks
And almost everywhere I've been in the world, if I wanted to drink, alcohol could be had.
So - what I've found to work for ME when traveling (or when NOT traveling) is to value sobriety more than I value alcohol. To value sobriety enough that I am willing to feel uncomfortable, willing to push through anxiety, willing to be patient as I evolve into who I really am.
Working sobriety by including a lot of tools - like AA, SR, Meditations, affirmations, gratitude lists, daily mantras, exercise, new hobbies, new routines, helping others.... all of these have been tools that have helped in balance to create a new life that doesn't include alcohol.
At first, traveling was hard. I used to do a lot of drinking while traveling so the very act of heading to the airport made an old, conditioned pattern light up. But instead of drinking, I found non-drinking things to do. In airports I didn't go to the airport bar, I went and got a water or a coffee and I browsed my whole wait time in the bookstore. I bought books and started reading again. I wrote. I went for airport walks.
When traveling new places instead of going to the bars and spending my whole time there drunk or buzzed up, I looked for healthy things to experience. I went running through all the parks in London and Paris. I ran along the Seine. I visited new restaurants. I walked around looking at street art. I went to museums. Instead of drinking... I DID THINGS TO EXPERIENCE LIFE INSTEAD OF BLOT IT OUT.
And there's the key... whether at home or on the travel trail - for me it has been about deciding to live my life instead of just while it away in dingy dark places where people gather to anesthetize themselves.
Sure, sometimes I'll go to a bar if there's a good band playing. Sometimes I'll go dancing or to a music festival where people are boozing it up. But I didn't at first. I avoided those things until I had a solid base of who I was a sober person. I first worked to build up a feeling of goodness and pride and healthy belief in myself AS a sober person. Nowadays.... travel, home, the bar, a club, a party, a gathering, or just sitting at home - I can do all of those and feel good and not feel overly anxious and feel comfortable with who I am without needing to muster confidence from a bottle.
Congratulations on 50 days.... while you're just getting started on sobriety - you're also a lot further along and a lot closer to freedom than you can imagine.
Keep at it.... IT IS SO WORTH IT
#soberliferocks
I listened to a podcast recently where someone said... Sobriety is about being here RIGHT NOW. Drinking is about being ANYWHERE BUT HERE. And I am going to berlin to be in berlin, my favourite city!
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