My Mother Died
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: NY
Posts: 27
Dean, honey, you're going through one of the hardest things.
My mother, who was my best friend, too, died a little over a year ago. I gave myself permission to drink all I wanted to. Because it hurt and I didn't care.
But it was not the right decision in any way, for many reasons. One: you HAVE to grieve. You have to feel the pain of losing her, not numb it away. If you don't go through a proper grieving period, the grief will just grow bigger and bigger. A year after my mom's death, I thought I was doing all right. But then we had a memorial service and it was as if she had just passed away that day. I was simply crushed by the sadness. I wanted to lie on her grave and die. (And then continued drinking and went into a ridiculous period of blackouts, etc). Drinking didn't make me feel better. It stopped me from feeling better.
You know what to do. Use her love to keep you strong. xoxoxo
My mother, who was my best friend, too, died a little over a year ago. I gave myself permission to drink all I wanted to. Because it hurt and I didn't care.
But it was not the right decision in any way, for many reasons. One: you HAVE to grieve. You have to feel the pain of losing her, not numb it away. If you don't go through a proper grieving period, the grief will just grow bigger and bigger. A year after my mom's death, I thought I was doing all right. But then we had a memorial service and it was as if she had just passed away that day. I was simply crushed by the sadness. I wanted to lie on her grave and die. (And then continued drinking and went into a ridiculous period of blackouts, etc). Drinking didn't make me feel better. It stopped me from feeling better.
You know what to do. Use her love to keep you strong. xoxoxo
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 49,104
Sending you love, Dean. 
I lost my mom a short time ago. I wasn't tempted to drink because I knew it would just prolong the grieving process. We need to feel those emotions and deal with them, as others have pointed out.
I'm glad you wanted to talk about what happened and allow us to share it with you - we all care and want to help you get through this.
I lost my mom a short time ago. I wasn't tempted to drink because I knew it would just prolong the grieving process. We need to feel those emotions and deal with them, as others have pointed out.I'm glad you wanted to talk about what happened and allow us to share it with you - we all care and want to help you get through this.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
Posts: 2,055
I am so sorry for your loss Dean.
My Mum past a year ago. I miss her every day.
Allow yourself to grieve. For me drinking messes up with the grieving process, it just somehow prolongs the loss and acceptance of the loss...
My Mum past a year ago. I miss her every day.
Allow yourself to grieve. For me drinking messes up with the grieving process, it just somehow prolongs the loss and acceptance of the loss...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,374
Dean, I'm very sorry for your loss. In the grand scheme of things, she would be pleased to know that you are taking care of yourself. Grieving goes on for a long time and so you have plenty of chances to try what works and what doesn't. Trying is what gets you there. Soon as you stop trying or lose focus, it's so easy to go back to old ways of coping.
God bless and comfort you through this difficult time.
God bless and comfort you through this difficult time.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,884
((((((DEAN))))))
I am so so very sorry for your loss and the depth of your hurting.
May you be engulfed with the peace that surrounds her now as she steps onto the next part of her souls journey.
The most beautiful way you could honor your love would be to find your way back to yourself. May you be blessed immensely as you move through your grief.
XO AO
I am so so very sorry for your loss and the depth of your hurting.
May you be engulfed with the peace that surrounds her now as she steps onto the next part of her souls journey.
The most beautiful way you could honor your love would be to find your way back to yourself. May you be blessed immensely as you move through your grief.
XO AO
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,901
Dean, very sorry to hear your sad news. I'm sure she would want you to live the happiest, healthiest life you can, and I'm also sure that you're not going to find that in the bottom of a bottle of booze.
I lost my mother unexpectedly last year and regret to this day that I was drunk for most of the week after her passing. One of my least moments I'm most ashamed of today.
You're in my thoughts and prayers, and just know the good folks here at SR are here for you 24/7.
I lost my mother unexpectedly last year and regret to this day that I was drunk for most of the week after her passing. One of my least moments I'm most ashamed of today.
You're in my thoughts and prayers, and just know the good folks here at SR are here for you 24/7.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,901
So sorry for your loss.
I really hope that you decide to stay sober, and brave that painful (but healing) grieving process. I believe that 'drinking through'grieving periods for my nan and step-dad really left me with lots of unsorted junk inside that took me years after to deal with when I sobered up. And it was just as painful - I just dragged it out more.
You can do this. Please stay sober.
I really hope that you decide to stay sober, and brave that painful (but healing) grieving process. I believe that 'drinking through'grieving periods for my nan and step-dad really left me with lots of unsorted junk inside that took me years after to deal with when I sobered up. And it was just as painful - I just dragged it out more.
You can do this. Please stay sober.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 403
Dean,
I'm sorry for your loss. I'm only 13 days in and haven't experienced any real triggers yet. Even a blow up with my husband and kid didn't even make me contemplate it. But I know that's because I almost died from alcoholic acidosis 2 weeks ago and had to be put in ICU, so the pain and fear is still fresh.
I just wanted to say I'm sorry and there's much better equipped people than me to give advice. hugs.
I'm sorry for your loss. I'm only 13 days in and haven't experienced any real triggers yet. Even a blow up with my husband and kid didn't even make me contemplate it. But I know that's because I almost died from alcoholic acidosis 2 weeks ago and had to be put in ICU, so the pain and fear is still fresh.
I just wanted to say I'm sorry and there's much better equipped people than me to give advice. hugs.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 654
The grieving process would be so much tougher and longer with a drink inside you.
Let yourself go through it, somewhere on the other side of the tears and anger and frustration that you may pass through is laughing at your favorite memories and knowing she is there in your heart always.
I lost my Mum back when I was 19 and can assure she is very much with me every day. While I miss her and it took real time to process her passing it does reach a better place. You just have to let yourself actually feel it not numb it up. I guess luckily for me this was all way back when I was actually a pretty sensible drinker. I was often the one at the party who was most clear headed as I sipped so slow I barely ever even got tipsy. funny huh. I know now I would have coped far less well if I had already been a heavy drinker.
Let yourself go through it, somewhere on the other side of the tears and anger and frustration that you may pass through is laughing at your favorite memories and knowing she is there in your heart always.
I lost my Mum back when I was 19 and can assure she is very much with me every day. While I miss her and it took real time to process her passing it does reach a better place. You just have to let yourself actually feel it not numb it up. I guess luckily for me this was all way back when I was actually a pretty sensible drinker. I was often the one at the party who was most clear headed as I sipped so slow I barely ever even got tipsy. funny huh. I know now I would have coped far less well if I had already been a heavy drinker.
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