My Mother Died

Old 07-21-2015, 06:45 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Dean, honey, you're going through one of the hardest things.

My mother, who was my best friend, too, died a little over a year ago. I gave myself permission to drink all I wanted to. Because it hurt and I didn't care.

But it was not the right decision in any way, for many reasons. One: you HAVE to grieve. You have to feel the pain of losing her, not numb it away. If you don't go through a proper grieving period, the grief will just grow bigger and bigger. A year after my mom's death, I thought I was doing all right. But then we had a memorial service and it was as if she had just passed away that day. I was simply crushed by the sadness. I wanted to lie on her grave and die. (And then continued drinking and went into a ridiculous period of blackouts, etc). Drinking didn't make me feel better. It stopped me from feeling better.

You know what to do. Use her love to keep you strong. xoxoxo
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Old 07-21-2015, 06:47 PM
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Sending you love, Dean. I lost my mom a short time ago. I wasn't tempted to drink because I knew it would just prolong the grieving process. We need to feel those emotions and deal with them, as others have pointed out.

I'm glad you wanted to talk about what happened and allow us to share it with you - we all care and want to help you get through this.
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Old 07-21-2015, 06:58 PM
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I am so sorry for your loss dean. I truly am.
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Old 07-21-2015, 07:12 PM
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I am so sorry for your loss Dean.
My Mum past a year ago. I miss her every day.
Allow yourself to grieve. For me drinking messes up with the grieving process, it just somehow prolongs the loss and acceptance of the loss...
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Old 07-21-2015, 07:16 PM
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So sorry Dean.
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Old 07-21-2015, 07:23 PM
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I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, Dean.

Stay strong.
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Old 07-21-2015, 07:28 PM
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Dean, I'm very sorry for your loss. In the grand scheme of things, she would be pleased to know that you are taking care of yourself. Grieving goes on for a long time and so you have plenty of chances to try what works and what doesn't. Trying is what gets you there. Soon as you stop trying or lose focus, it's so easy to go back to old ways of coping.

God bless and comfort you through this difficult time.
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Old 07-21-2015, 07:30 PM
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Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
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I am so so very sorry for your loss and the depth of your hurting.

May you be engulfed with the peace that surrounds her now as she steps onto the next part of her souls journey.

The most beautiful way you could honor your love would be to find your way back to yourself. May you be blessed immensely as you move through your grief.

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Old 07-21-2015, 07:45 PM
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((((Dean)))) sorry to hear about your mom, thinking of you.
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Old 07-21-2015, 08:05 PM
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I'm so sorry for your loss.
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Old 07-21-2015, 08:14 PM
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Dean, I'm sorry for the loss of your mother. Please reach out for support when you need it or just to say how you are feeling.
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Old 07-21-2015, 08:24 PM
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Dear Dean,
I'm sorry for your loss and for the pain you are in.
Allow yourself to grieve and to recovery from this.
Remember the love a mother gave to her son, keep that
love in your heart.
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Old 07-21-2015, 08:27 PM
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Dean, very sorry to hear about your mother.
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Old 07-21-2015, 09:04 PM
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Dean, very sorry to hear your sad news. I'm sure she would want you to live the happiest, healthiest life you can, and I'm also sure that you're not going to find that in the bottom of a bottle of booze.

I lost my mother unexpectedly last year and regret to this day that I was drunk for most of the week after her passing. One of my least moments I'm most ashamed of today.

You're in my thoughts and prayers, and just know the good folks here at SR are here for you 24/7.
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Old 07-21-2015, 09:41 PM
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So sorry for your loss.

I really hope that you decide to stay sober, and brave that painful (but healing) grieving process. I believe that 'drinking through'grieving periods for my nan and step-dad really left me with lots of unsorted junk inside that took me years after to deal with when I sobered up. And it was just as painful - I just dragged it out more.

You can do this. Please stay sober.
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Old 07-21-2015, 09:52 PM
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It's hard to lose a parent Dean.

Sobriety is wonderful, working towards recovery would be a lovely way to honour her memory but remember, this has to be for you first and foremost.
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Old 07-21-2015, 09:54 PM
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I'm so sorry, Dean.
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Old 07-21-2015, 10:50 PM
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I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. Losing a parent is devastating no marketer whifhbckasdrooms we re I'm.
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Old 07-22-2015, 12:08 AM
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I'm sorry for your loss. I'm only 13 days in and haven't experienced any real triggers yet. Even a blow up with my husband and kid didn't even make me contemplate it. But I know that's because I almost died from alcoholic acidosis 2 weeks ago and had to be put in ICU, so the pain and fear is still fresh.

I just wanted to say I'm sorry and there's much better equipped people than me to give advice. hugs.
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Old 07-22-2015, 12:43 AM
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The grieving process would be so much tougher and longer with a drink inside you.

Let yourself go through it, somewhere on the other side of the tears and anger and frustration that you may pass through is laughing at your favorite memories and knowing she is there in your heart always.

I lost my Mum back when I was 19 and can assure she is very much with me every day. While I miss her and it took real time to process her passing it does reach a better place. You just have to let yourself actually feel it not numb it up. I guess luckily for me this was all way back when I was actually a pretty sensible drinker. I was often the one at the party who was most clear headed as I sipped so slow I barely ever even got tipsy. funny huh. I know now I would have coped far less well if I had already been a heavy drinker.
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