Zufrieden

Hello,
I am in my second week of AA meetings but have not been able to go daily yet. I'm rescheduling my day to day so that I can make the meetings regularly. I would really like to make at least 5/week.
Flynbuy asked me in a different post whether I had a sponsor yet which prompted this post.
Although everyone is welcoming and friendly at the meetings, I feel awkward asking how things will progress. I don't know what the protocols are however.
In my mind I would have a sponsor, be working the steps (whatever that means exactly) and pushing hard. I intimated that to one of my fellow attendees and got the impression that there was sort of a timeline to the whole thing.... not to get the cart ahead of the horse type of response.
So I ask those of you with experience: What should I expect as I continue on with AA? Is there a waiting period before finding a sponsor, working steps, being the guy who makes coffee etc... I'm willing to go into this completely as I am desperate to not repeat this past weekend's poor decision making.
I don't know if things differ country to country but my meeting is in California.
Any help would be welcome.
Thanks,
Don

Anna

I am not an AA member, but others will be along. In the meantime, there is lots of good information here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

biminiblue

I would say, repeat what you just said for every share you have in AA until you find a sponsor if that is your immediate goal. In the meantime, read through the Big Book as many times as you can - keep going to meetings and go to different meetings.

I would suggest finding a Step meeting or a Big Book Study meeting. If you don't have a meeting schedule that lists these, start asking longtimers where these are.

CaseyW

There is no better day than today to get a sponsor and to start working the steps. At your next meeting, I'd just pick out someone who says things you identify with, who seems to have the happy life you want to have, and ask them to help you start the steps. There is no timeline or set protocol--it's just a simple spiritual program based on the act of one alcoholic helping another.

Wishing you the best today...

Soberwolf

It may prove useful listening to diffrent ppl at diffrent mtns to get a broad choice of a potential sponser

Going to newcomer mtns if they have them in California would really help aswell to get a good introduction into AA

Zufrieden

Anna, Bimini and Casey...thank you.
I was unaware of the Step or Big Book Meetings (my group seems very casual about all of it...) but will look. We have a massive number of meetings in the Central Valley so I will find a designation that points to the meetings you recommend.
CaseyW....I will ask tomorrow. I have already picked out several men that I could imagine asking but was just uncomfortable. Sorry for another question but is basically everyone willing to be a sponsor, if asked, for the right person?
Thanks again for the great information.
Don

Zufrieden

Thank you SoberWolf,
I will look into Newcomer meetings. Would there be an old timer or two there to help us learn the ropes?
Don

CousinA

Many of the groups here in NYC have members who are willing to be interim sponsors. Take advantage of that if it's a available at the meetings you attend. A sponsor should help you with the steps and also answer the questions we all have when we first come to AA. I was told it's time to begin the steps as soon as my hands stop shaking.

Let people know you're new - at every meeting. Find a group where you feel comfortable where the other members have some recovery to share and make it your home group. Get active in that group. It's never too early to being doing service. People will get to know you and you will begin feeling a part of rather than apart. Make coffee, show up early and help put up chairs, stay late and help out them away. If you have two days talk to the guy with one day and let him know it's possible.

You didn't drink today. It's the only day that matters Your last drink can be your last drink.

-allan

biminiblue

Don, take a look at this AA literature about sponsors.

It will help you understand (link):

Alcoholics Anonymous : Questions and Answers on Sponsorship

Zufrieden

Thanks CousinA and Biminiblue. Great advice and I will check out the link about sponsors this evening.
Don

Jfanagle

Don, as I read your post it took me back a few years to my first AA meeting. I was very confused however having spent my life endeavoring to appear in control and not being conspicuous I just went to meetings and waited for someone to say, "ready, set, go." After a few weeks I did the logical thing and asked a couple of folks who of course already knew that I was a newcomer just what I should be doing. Both these gentlemen had decades of sobriety and they hooked me up with meetings that were geared for newcomers and I began to take the steps. I was given a myriad of advice by several others to "take my time", one even suggested that I do a step every 3 months. Fortunately these old gray beards directed me to, "not take a step any sooner than I used to take the next drink!"

My advice is to find some meetings that are focused on those who are beginning AA and also those that have the steps as a focus point. Any District office, which you can Google, will have a directory of meetings and usually give an indication of the emphasis in that meeting.

I noted that you are in California, as a resident myself I can assure you that there are many such meetings if you are in one of the larger metropolitan areas. I live in Southern CA and if I can be of any assistance please feel free to send me a private message and I will share what 15+ years of getting and staying sober in AA in California has been like for me.

Very best of luck and if you don't drink and keep attending the meetings your odds are better than the lottery.

Jon

CaseyW

I would say at least 95% (probably more like 99.9%) of the men you ask will say yes immediately. They've all been where you are today and part of their program is working the 12th Step--carrying the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. BUT if you do get someone who says no, which I've heard of happening a few times on these boards but never in "real" life, don't get upset. They may have something going on in their lives that prevents them from being fully there for others at the moment. Just say thank you anyways and ask someone else. But I'd bet all the money in my pocket right now--and it's a decent amount--that you won't get told no.

Also remember if for whatever reason you don't click with someone after working with them, it's OK to look for someone else to help you. Just make sure you're doing it for the right reasons--that it's not your addiction trying to fool you and tell you that your recovery isn't working.

Zufrieden

Jfanagle
Thank you.
I'm in Sacramento with many meetings. I'll carefully review the distinctions between each meeting and go from there. It's actually very exciting to be heading this direction.
I appreciated your thoughtful post!
Don

Zufrieden

Casey
Really helpful post and great and advice about addictive voice talking.... It is easy for me to be thin skinned these past weeks of sobriety work and I have taken offense at very honest feedback from others. Thanks for the caution.
Your a fellow Texan I see.... I'm from Dallas but have been in Ca a long time. I'm flying home next week to see family if they haven't washed away in the rain.
Take care
Don

CaseyW

Don--I've lived in Texas my whole life, split pretty evenly between West Texas and Austin. Never lived in the Metroplex but have spent much time there. Currently back living in West Texas.

Good luck again and keep us updated! I need to take some of my own advice as I currently don't have a sponsor myself.

ZetaP38

From my experience....

Get a BB and the Living Sober book for personal marking. There are lots of copies of the BB online. Plus, Living Sober is here:

https://sites.google.com/site/aspiri...s/living-sober

(The website is non-AA, but the book appears to be a valid copy.)

Getting sober was the most grueling thing I'd ever done. What helped me?

When I wrote to seriously complain about how haaaaaarrrrd it was to the online group where I got sober, someone wrote:

"We know. We understand. But I promise you....that if you hang in there and don't give up.....you will never, ever, ever! have to do this part again." It put wind beneath my wings, it surely did. "This part"........it would have an end.

Living Sober has lots of suggestions and tips. And when the brat in my head just couldn't abide any more of them, I took him out for Dairy Queen.

What's difficult about early sobriety, to me, is the total lack of tools besides, "Don't drink, no matter what." Good suggestion when you're in the trenches but not the 'easier, softer way' of using tools.

I remember writing one super-pressure day, something to the effect of: "I think I'm actually going crazy. All I can think about is wanting to blow something up - anything....a bank, a bridge...something!"

This guy from the southern states wrote back: "Well, you can surely do that...just don't drink. ~~~~~~~~~ But most of us found an easier, softer way. <s>"

Just the mental picture of every alcoholic struggling with early sobriety - blowing up something - made me laugh. What a war zone this world would look like. Indeed, there is an 'easier, softer way', and I discovered it as well.

Reading Emmet Fox books (another suggestion) were 'soothing'. I only recall one thing from them (a biggie), but they were a haven in the 'storms' that kicked up. Putting an AA literature reading-bath between me and the liquor store also made a difference once or twice. Once I remember saying to no one in particular: "All right! I'll take a bath! But if I come outta that tub feeling like I do right now, I'm off to the liquor store!" A couple hours later, I emerged feeling right as rain.

Do whatever it takes. Don't give up. It does get easier. Even downright fun.

The spiritual mind tool that I received from Emmet Fox is invaluable to this day:

Guilt and shame were never meant to be wallowed in. Ego/AV will take anything to extremes. Guilt and shame are indicators of a problem. Acknowledge the problem, jot it down, and move on. Wallowing and self-flagellation not required. Wish they'd taught me that in 1st grade. I'd say to myself, "I don't know what to do with you yet, but I will. And keep trudgin'."

When I began to use that tool consistently, I was truly amazed at how much time I spent rehashing the past, re-creating conversations I *wished* had happened, etc. In the beginning, I'd be an hour into 'spinning' before catching myself. But got better at it in a pretty short time. I actually had so much free time then, it was a problem filling it in. And the depression lifted. Who knew?

If something nasty from the past comes up, jot enough of it down in a binder to know what it is - with the intention to return to it when the answers come. The object is to live in today as much as possible. If I didn't know what to do about something yet, I jotted it down.

Door knob. When I touched a door knob, I asked myself, "Am I headed toward sobriety or away from it?" That incredible gnawing fear of early sobriety made me just want to run sometimes. I'd be at the back door ready to bolt, til I touched the door knob. When I asked the question and the answer was, "I don't know" - I turned around. It passed, and I was back on solid ground.

Nobody cares if we whine getting sober - everyone loves to share what helped them. What folks do mind is asking for suggestions and they are left untried. Not every suggestion works for all, but I was so scared and so determined that even if a suggestion wasn't a great fit, I'd improvise till it did.

If you like to read, there's a book called, "The Cracker Factory" by Joyce Rebeta-Burditt that's fun and also has tools. Amazon has a few copies for $.01.

Also, The Illustrated Man by Ray Bradbury is wonderful sci-fi short stories that 'break the chain' of disastrous thinking. It's online:

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourcei...trated+man+pdf

That's all I have at the moment. I wish you and all who are in the early sobriety and great dollop of Hope. Remember to Feed Hope regularly.

PJ
dos 8/98

Zufrieden

PJ... you hit my weak spot. Books. Thank you! I've spent the past hour following links that you recommend and figuring out where to start.
The Living Sober link is great. I randomly scrolled through various portions and was immediately struck by the warning about "over-elation".... Over-elation caused me to drink last weekend after more than a month off. Hubris is my worst enemy.
I really appreciate the time you took and I will repay it by taking your post seriously. I'm looking forward to it.
Thanks again,
Don

MIRecovery

Once you learn the secret hand shake you can get a sponsor....Just kidding

AA has a pamphlethttp://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/nopage/p-15-questions-and-answers-on-sponsorship that answers a lot of questions.

The short answer is there are no rules or protocol. Go to enough meetings to find someone who has been sober for a while, has what you want, has worked the steps, has a sponsor, and has the time to work with you.

If the person can not do it ask them for a recommendation. Meetings are very important but working the steps will keep you sober and you can't work the steps without a sponsor

tursiops999

Hi Don,

One suggestion is to share at a meeting that you'd like a "temporary sponsor" to get started. I found one at my second meeting, and then we ended up working well together so she has remained my sponsor. But starting as "temporary" takes some pressure off trying to find exactly the right person. Starting with sponsorship and steps right away was key for me.

Getting names/phone numbers of other members helps too -- I remember my first Saturday night without alcohol, and no plans for the evening -- it felt like I was staring into an abyss and had no idea what to do with myself. I called a member, we talked awhile, I calmed down, she suggested her favorite story in the BB for me to read, which I did. And that was enough to get me through that very tricky first weekend.

For dealing with cravings or rough moments, make a list of people's suggestions of things to try, and put them in your phone ... go through the list trying them until something works.

Best wishes!

Zebra1275

I worked up the nerve to ask a guy who seemed to have his act together to be my sponsor. It was tough, it was like going back to high school and asking a girl to the prom.

He actually turned me down, because he had too many sponsee's already and didn't have time to take on one more.

So at a men's group meeting I go to, I mentioned that I was in need of a temporary sponsor, and that if anyone was available to please see me after the meeting. That must have broken the ice because two other guys at the meeting said, "yeah, I need a sponsor too!"

I ended up with a temporary sponsor who continues to be my permanent sponsor today.