sobriiestote

Jesus, I've done a bottle and want more!!!

Tapering is rubbish, not working, just checking in, btw I want a change my username to something more positive... I've messaged Dee... But if I can't then I'll have to reinvent myself under a more positive name....

DitzyDandelion

I want a bottle and would feel the same after drinking it. It is going to be a long evening.

least

To change your user name, send a message to an admin: name in dark blue italics. Such as Anna or Greeteachday or MorningGlory. They can do that for you.

Soberwolf

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

Stay close to SR make a coffee and keep reading

ScottFromWI

You can reinvent yourself on a more positive note right now without changing your name if you like. How about starting by making that bottle you just drank the last one you ever drink? You still have time to make this be the day that you started "not" drinking. Perhaps a call to the samaritans or AA locally could get you some access to a local detox or rehab center to really get things set on the right path?

DitzyDandelion

On a bit of a wobble today so sorry if my post wasn't as supportive and helpful as it could be. Empathy sometimes helps huh.

For the record have not gone and actually got wine just had a nice old argument with AV about doing so.

Zufrieden

Hi Fuzzy....good luck with the name change and with a new start.
Ditzy....I was on a bit of a wobble two days ago and wrecked 1 1/2 months of sobriety. Serious bummer. Glad you stayed strong!
Don

sobriiestote

IIIIII
HHHHAAAAATTTTEEEE
DDDDRRRIINNNKKKIINNGG
SSSSSOOOO
WWWWWHHHHYYYY
CCCCAAAANNNNTTTT
IIIIIIIII SSSSTTTTTOOOOOPPPP

IM SHOUTING AT MYSELF! Wake up! Sort it out! Stop torturing yourself! I'm so sick of this, am waiting for referral for iOp to come through, I went in person on Monday to chase it up and he was lovely but gave me a "drinking diary"... Errrr yes I can fill it in but what is going to make me stop?! So had enough....

Margaux1969

Oh, Fuzzy, I feel for you. It is hard, hard, hard.

I shouted and screamed at myself until I realized that the only way I was going to stop yelling at myself was to stop giving myself a reason to. I honestly couldn't take the self-loathing anymore. I *can't* take it anymore--only 12 days sober, I hope this determination lasts.

Thinking of you and hoping you can get some help soon.

<3

CaseyW

Maybe you should head to the hospital right now and tell them tapering is not working for you and you need to stop drinking period.

You're in my thoughts and prayers, foreverfuzzy...

KeryJames

Shouting at yourself like that is probably a sign that you have arrived at your 'day of disgust'. So it could well be a positive...

I would just make one suggestion: I think your asking yourself the wrong question. Ask "Why can't I stop?" and your subconscious mind will find the answers to that question.....and the answers will be negative and probably keep you drinking....

I love the following question: "How do I get what I want?" of course you have to fill in the "what I want" part...

If the question was: "How do I get and remain sober?" you'll be surprised with the answers that will come flooding from your subconscious mind.....write them down.

Your mind has the answers, you just need to ask the right questions.

Good luck

alphaomega

Hi Forever.

I remember feeling exactly like this. Like there wasn't enough booze in the whole world to keep me at that perfect buzz. Problem was, I almost always overshot my mark, and would black out before I even got the chance to really get there.

Wherever "there" even was.

I was not ever able to taper. One sip, of even something as benign as vanilla extract in a smoothie, and off I would go. The floodgates when opened, can just do you in right quick.

I sincerely hope that you will be willing to see a doctor to pharmacologically assist you in getting through the worst of this.

I wish you the brightest of blessings.

Jillian2563

Hey there. I know exactly how you feel. Go back and read some of my threads. Very contradicting bc I hate alcohol but love it and would say WTH? Well guess what? I did that and my life went right back to hell. Emotional hell, mental hell (it was the worst), financial hell, and well health hell. I recently found out that from my lack of properly taking care of myself and years of drinking, I have gallbladder disease. Not an ER or life threatening, but still, I've screwed up.

I'm only 2 days sober this round. Can I continue? Sure! Will I? I don't know! But I want to think that I will! One day at a time. As hard as it is (because I know!) go take a nap. Wake up and don't drink. Decide what you really want and need for your life. If you're anything like me, and it sounds like you are, drinking will just keep making things worse.

Incontrol15

Great advise.

Our internal voices can be our worst enemy.
"I can't stop drinking" vs "How do I stop drinking"

"I have to quit" vs "I want a different lifestyle"

Dee74

Tapering is rubbish for most of us I think.
Maybe it's time to go back to your Dr for another approach?

btw I didn't get any communication from you, but I can;t change your name anyway

The best thing to do is PM 'Anna' with your preferred name change and ask her to change it.

D

Nuudawn

I think a "reinvention" is called for....spectacular notion I say. I figure it's sort of what I'm trying to do myself so I appreciate the sentiment. Given your mention of a "drinking diary" I'm wondering if you are part of some sort of harm reduction model application? I simply can't imagine trying to keep a drinking diary. I don't think it would take me more than one drink to ditch that effort with a scornful chuckle. I don't want to do anything or be accountable to anyone once booze gives me a good hit to the bloodstream. Like seriously...a drinking diary?

On the other hand, I do find a "sobriety journal" hugely effective...especially without the regular internet access so I can call on the support of this site. I freaking write to myself constantly.

Hon...I truly hope that the whatever within you that needs to hears your own desperate plea. You want off the death coaster... we all do. And it is a death coaster...

thomas11

Hi FF, "why can't I stop", that's the million dollar question isn't it? Well, I think its important and positive that you've worked towards getting treatment. Stay after it. I don't understand why it is so hard to get into treatment in the UK. I know you're a bottle in, but take care of yourself. Priority #1 be safe and hopefully leave at 1 bottle. Live to fight another day.

Inchworm

Hi, Forever. I despise those times in my life when I felt I just couldn't stop with the wine. I actually remember many evenings on the drive home from work in which I contemplated my drinking that was about to begin with disdain and disgust. And, STILL I drank glass after glass. The freedom from that seems spirit driven, wild, wonderful, and nothing short of a miracle. You can do this, too.

wehav2day

Fuzzy,

If it's of any consolation, when I think of your name I think of positive stuff like cuddly, fuzzy, furry stuffed animals.

Tapering sounds like torture. I admire you for sticking to your limits. Can you go to hospital and ask for a different approach? You sound serious about quitting, that's wonderful. You deserve a happy, sober life. I hope you get it shortly!

PurpleKnight

Tapering would have never worked for me, the idea of pouring myself 1 or 2 glasses of something with a whole bottle available in my kitchen was only going to end one way!!

Time for a new approach on things maybe!!