thomas11

I just want to make an observation here. I understand that there is no tone of voice in internet communications, so I don't know how any of you would be speaking to me if it were face to face. But I find a bit of irony in the fact that if someone comes on here to post a full blown relapse or slip, there is a lot of support for that person, and rightfully so as it is one of the reasons this places exists. On the other hand, I have posted something that occurred last night, and from my perspective it was purely out of curiousity and done in a lighthearted manner. The tone I am perceiving from some is not one of support or observation, but rather reprimand. I apologize if I am wrong about this. It could also be something that I need to learn as I am not very far along in sobriety and many of you have been there for years. Therefore you know far more than I do and speak from experience.

JerryFish

I can assure you that I was coming from a place of concern, caring and a desire to help. Tone can be misinterpreted through written word though. But I interpreted the other responses I've seen as people being concerned and trying to point you in the right direction. Sometimes that can be done in a pretty direct manner, but people care and have their own ways of trying to help.

You know, take it as feedback. The way people respond is valuable information. If someone were truly being negative here, they would be corrected by the moderators.

And, you know, sometimes being a bit hard on someone is what they need (tough love). And some members may choose that approach, but it is meant to help you.

I don't think you need to be concerned about the tone, listen to the message and take it into consideration with an open mind.

Incontrol15

I think it's because you are asking alcoholics if it's ok to drink.

Those who relapse are upset with themselves. Know they did wrong and want to stop for good.

newpage119

Maybe the reason you are getting the reprimand tone stems from the fact that you willingly "tasted" the alcohol. Most people that relapse don't want to, just can't seem to help themselves.....
I wouldn't have tempted the alcohol addiction demon like that for a $1000 !

BUT many years ago (30+) I quit a nasty cigarette habit. About a month after quitting, I "tried" one to see what it would be like, if I would crave smoking forever.....
I coughed and choked and never had another taste again.
Stupid, but made it through.....

EndGameNYC

I imagine that anyone who plays around with a potential relapse or who walks the razor's edge as you did would get responses similar to yours. I don't think there's anything more to it than that.

I wonder what you might have thought had one of us happened to be there and did the same thing, before you got a chance to do it.

silentrun

I certainly wasn't trying to reprimand you and I didn't get that from any other poster either. I have thought before one sip wouldn't be a big deal. It is though. Maybe you think we are over reacting. The fact that you are getting consistent feedback that it is a big deal should make you take a look at the situation. Part of being able to remain comfortably sober is to completely change the way you think about alcohol. I doubt you would find many people with long term sobriety that would say any is OK. A person has to adopt the mindset that it is never OK.

Aellyce

Jeff, this is mostly just a style thing around here (and in other places and communities as well that are focused on recovery from destructive habits). You will get used to it. I've been here long enough to know that it's best to take the direct meaning of the responses, and I also find it interesting to observe and examine my own mental reactions to the responses and interactions. I have written a similar post to the previous one I put here on ArtFriend's thread from yesterday as well, maybe look it up if interested I explained it better there I think.

I personally tend to learn most effectively from conflict situations and criticism, far far better for me than pure love and only positive support, although of course it depends on many factors and the subject matter. I guess because of this, I sometimes take others granted as well. Of course that's no valid excuse.

Anyhow, just saying my suggestion is to try to look at the direct message in the responses that is related to your OP and other things that are meaningful to you. Of course each of us decorate our posts with lots of subjective projections all the time. I actually have fun with this in my head all the time, trying to get to know members through how we express ourselves, what extras add, what "tone", style, etc

sva777

I hope you can get past these demons Jeff, and I hope you come off the oxy okay as well when that time comes. I don't think anyone here wants to see you venture back down the path of memorial day again, that would be my concern. That was a rough time and alcohol was the major factor. Don't give it a chance to get back in your life.

FeenixxRising

The amount of alcohol doesn't concern me (I'm on record as believing that everyone sober for a lengthy period of time has unknowingly consumed small amounts of alcohol, probably from a food dish, dessert or in some type of medication or personal care item). However, the fact that you knowingly decided to try an alcoholic beverage is something you should be concerned about. IMO a part of you still believes you're capable of drinking without consequences.

But you obviously didn't get intoxicated from two sips, so I see no need to change your sobriety date, but if I were you, I would use this incident to think deeply about your sobriety and your priorities in life. If you were truly comfortable with your sobriety, you wouldn't have taken the sips, even out of curiosity.

Bottom line, I see this incident as a small misstep, one that should be used to bolster your sobriety.

FeenixxRising

Congratulations on 12 years thomas.

Dee74

I know you're a pretty straight up and down guy, so I'm gonna lay it out with no frilly icing.

Your addiction won, and you let it win.

Calling this curiosity is not a good move. Defending it is an an even worse move.

Trying to plead it was only two sips and you hated it, or pleading that you only used to drink to get drunk so this must be a win is fudging the real issue - there's a part of you that still wants to drink.

What are you going to do about that, Jeff?

D

ETA I guess my post could be misconstrued as having a tone of reprimand.

This is not the post I'd share with someone new in the forum or that I did not know very well - but we go back a ways now and my thought was you'd appreciate straight talking.

I really don't think this is a small thing at all.

This is the kind of thing I used to do.. dancing around on the edge on a razor blade.

I wanted to win the battle my way - my addiction was happy to let me do that because my pride meant I returned to drinking time and again.

I'd already lost the war and poor sap that I was I didn't even know it.

Two sips do matter if you take recovery as seriously as I do now.

Projection?..maybe...

Be smarter than me Jeff.

D

Venecia

Ditto.

I'm not sure I can add to the wisdom others have shared, but I will point out this is a good time to reflect on your past and future. In addition to the wellness you can enjoy in sobriety and recovery, the fact that there is a happier marriage now is a great reason to look forward to a life without booze.

Happy Anniversary to you and Mrs. Jeff!

Soberpotamus

Happy Anniversary!

ScottFromWI

Two months ago you were on a bender that nearly cost your career, your marriage, and possibly landed you in the hospital for an extended period of time.

You are in heavy, heavy denial if you don't see the red flags flying on this one Jeff. Curiosity? You know what happens when you drink...all too well.

Eddiebuckle

Not a slip in my book, but perhaps you think there's a "safe" amount of alcohol you can consume without effect. I don't necessarily mean "effect" in the sense of feeling a buzz, but in the sense of your amygdala. If you are not familiar with this, check it out:

Understanding Addiction: How Addiction Hijacks the Brain

courage2

If you perceive these posts as reprimands, you haven't heard reprimands. If I told my sponsor I'd done what you did, and then went on to say it was "in a lighthearted manner" -- sheesh, reprimand is not the word.

When a person comes who's had a complete relapse, either a) they regret it and come back on their knees, or b) they're still in it & there's not much to be said to them until they're out of the relapse.

You're a little different because you're teetering on the edge, imo. & you seem to think you're in control. Having thought the same about myself, I tend to doubt that your control will hold out for long.

So I'm afraid for your sake, because & tho you don't seem to be sufficiently afraid for your own.

Ronker

I don't mean to pass judgement, and I'm only at 2 weeks, but you did ask, so my answer to your question is fail.

Like others said, I think you took a big risk, could've been the start of a big night n ruined all your hard work.

For me its terrible to accept that never again can I have my beloved booze, I love alcohol, but have accepted that unless we part company permanently, I will part company prematurely and permanently to my beloved daughter, and she doesn't deserve to loose her dad.

We (as in all of us with a problem) must leave it alone completely.

Least you were put off n hopefully not be tempted again.

Zebra1275

I think it's a problem, doesn't matter what you call it.

I know I can drink a beer tonight and stop at 1.

Next week, I'll go out to dinner and think, heck I can order a beer with my steak, after all I stopped at 1 last time. Except this time it's a big meal so I will probably need 1 refill before I'm done eating.

Then I might not drink again that night (although you will notice I've doubled my alcohol consumption from the first night).

The problem is, I know think that I might be able to drink in moderation so I will continue to try my experiment. I've done this many times, it doesn't work for me.

Repost on this thread in 6 weeks and let us know if you've drank again. I hope you don't,

courage2

Jeff, I'm not judging you. But here's my experience, why I'm worried -- skip if you know this story

Maybe even as little as 1 month off alcohol the first time around, I started sniffing people's wine. I'd ask for a taste of tequila in a kiss. I inhaled deeply as I poured out my mother's scotch after her funeral. By 9 months, rather than telling my husband that I knew where he was trying to keep the vodka out of my sight and asking him to move/remove it, I was secretly opening it on a daily basis and getting a mental rush off the fumes.

It wasn't a drink that started my relapse. It was allowing the mental obsession. The game-playing. The fantasy benders. I knew I was sunk if I drank. I didn't know I was sunk if I pretended to drink. But I was.

Stupid stupid stupid. Dee warned me. Others warned me. I was an idiot.

Probably still am an idiot but I'm not falling for that particular line of crap again. I strongly suggest you don't either, Jeff.

stephendu

You pass.