Was this a pass or a fail?
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Some dubious research and experimentation going on around here lately.
Curiosity? What did you hope to learn that you didn't already know? If your curiosity was to see whether or not you could take a couple of sips and then walk away, well then great. You risked initiating the launch sequence, the whole Rube Goldberg thought process, that powers the desperate drive for moderation.
Drinking is drinking when I know I'm drinking alcohol, regardless of my conscious motives, explanations and rationalizations. I shouldn't even need to say that. I can't think of a single good reason for putting myself at risk to start the unholy **** show all over again. There's no extra credit for being honest about taking destructive risks, only consequences.
Curiosity? What did you hope to learn that you didn't already know? If your curiosity was to see whether or not you could take a couple of sips and then walk away, well then great. You risked initiating the launch sequence, the whole Rube Goldberg thought process, that powers the desperate drive for moderation.
Drinking is drinking when I know I'm drinking alcohol, regardless of my conscious motives, explanations and rationalizations. I shouldn't even need to say that. I can't think of a single good reason for putting myself at risk to start the unholy **** show all over again. There's no extra credit for being honest about taking destructive risks, only consequences.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
I posted this knowing I may (and maybe should) receive push-back that it was risky and/or just plain dumb. CeeFarro, I hope I am not getting cocky, because I agree with you that that would be dangerous. I will say that I feel pretty confident with myself in general. Alcohol chipped away at that. I don't foresee alcohol in my life any time soon regardless of what is said in response to my OP. I drank to get drunk, and if I would have set my mind on getting drunk, I probably would have done one of two things, either ran here to post, or gotten drunk. But I have learned (primarily from this website) that alcohol has done me no favors.
I usually visited my dad about 3 weekends per month and had some drinks with him. I think he is kind of missing that part of our relationship. I also believe he thought there was no way I would stop drinking.
On a more positive note, today is my wedding anniversary. 12 years. The last couple months have probably been 2 of the best months since we've been married and that is because both my wife and myself realize that me not drinking makes everything better.
I usually visited my dad about 3 weekends per month and had some drinks with him. I think he is kind of missing that part of our relationship. I also believe he thought there was no way I would stop drinking.
On a more positive note, today is my wedding anniversary. 12 years. The last couple months have probably been 2 of the best months since we've been married and that is because both my wife and myself realize that me not drinking makes everything better.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 216
Happy Anniversary!
I know it's not the same thing, but I used to do the same with smoking. I'd quit for months or years, just try a drag to "test it", it tasted vile and I thought, I'm cured! Before you know it I was back to smoking a pack a day. Just be careful
I know it's not the same thing, but I used to do the same with smoking. I'd quit for months or years, just try a drag to "test it", it tasted vile and I thought, I'm cured! Before you know it I was back to smoking a pack a day. Just be careful
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
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Originally Posted by letitgo 
So are you going continue to try drinks in the future or was this a one time experiment? It doesn't matter what you call it imo. It would playing with fire for me.
This is to everyone, not just letitgo. This is strictly my opinion, but I would consider not mentioning this, or "pretending" I didn't do it more dangerous than the actual 2 sips. I feel this way because that would be being deceitful and dishonest. I feel that is playing with a much larger fire. There is no point in even being here if we aren't going to be honest and forthright about our relationship with alcohol, correct?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
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Of course, you can be honest here.
I wonder though, what you were curious about since you knew what the drink tasted like? I'm sorry you chose to drink. I'm a firm believer in the slippery slope scenario.
I wonder though, what you were curious about since you knew what the drink tasted like? I'm sorry you chose to drink. I'm a firm believer in the slippery slope scenario.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Jeff, here is more to my story that I shared above, which seems similar to yours here at least simply looking at the facts and events. My incident happened nearly 1.5 year ago and I thought back on it many times in different contexts. To give you more specifics: I made a decision that I want to quit drinking forever sometime in the first half of Jan 2014. Decided to use SR as help, to start with at least. I wasn't doing very much here initially other than posting on my monthly class thread where Dee directed me. Went through detox on my own, was getting comfortable coming here and interacting everyday, reading tons on recovery...
Then this afternoon I go to a restaurant with two friends. They ordered cocktails for aperitifs and I had a soft drink. Drinks arrive. I look at those two cocktails my friends got... and here is the exact thought process I was aware of at the time. "Hmm, these look nice... I wonder what they taste like?" No second thought, I just ask my friends if I could try. Of course. So, one sip here, one sip there. There were some weird things happening later but I will skip that as it's irrelevant to alcohol and my wanting to try those drinks. Just two sips, I would not even say it was any conscious curiosity as to testing my reaction, really just a habit for me, someone who drank for many years, never tried to quit before, and was less than a month into that whole new world I still did not understand at all, "recovery". I reached for the tasting as that was something I did a hundred times before. Not thinking much about it in the moment at all.
The conclusion I arrived at later, thinking back multiple times: I was not fully ready and prepared for the very significant and total lifestyle change recovery implies. I even misinterpreted it. I'm out with two nice guys waiting for our gourmet dishes -- what a great change already compared to my solo and isolated drinking lifestyle just a couple weeks earlier even! I wanted to enjoy the experience. So why not taste those cocktails, I thought? I did not have an intention to order one for me, it seemed to be no different to me than asking someone about a book they read, or some new music they discovered recently. I acted that way because it came automatically, naturally, it was completely familiar. I think I also wasn't ready yet to let that part of the lifestyle go.
Then I come here to SR, talk about it, and I fully admit I got mad at people suggesting the same kinds of things that you got on this thread. Change my sobriety date just because I tasted my friends' cocktails? What a ***!
But thought about it more immediately on that same day, and saw important messages in the messages, thankfully I think I saw the objective truth in it in the context of someone (me and others here) whose goal is total abstinence. Still very grateful and I have not had a sip of alcohol since. I still like to think that perhaps that experience played an important part in my not relapsing later as it remained such a vivid image in my mind.
Then this afternoon I go to a restaurant with two friends. They ordered cocktails for aperitifs and I had a soft drink. Drinks arrive. I look at those two cocktails my friends got... and here is the exact thought process I was aware of at the time. "Hmm, these look nice... I wonder what they taste like?" No second thought, I just ask my friends if I could try. Of course. So, one sip here, one sip there. There were some weird things happening later but I will skip that as it's irrelevant to alcohol and my wanting to try those drinks. Just two sips, I would not even say it was any conscious curiosity as to testing my reaction, really just a habit for me, someone who drank for many years, never tried to quit before, and was less than a month into that whole new world I still did not understand at all, "recovery". I reached for the tasting as that was something I did a hundred times before. Not thinking much about it in the moment at all.
The conclusion I arrived at later, thinking back multiple times: I was not fully ready and prepared for the very significant and total lifestyle change recovery implies. I even misinterpreted it. I'm out with two nice guys waiting for our gourmet dishes -- what a great change already compared to my solo and isolated drinking lifestyle just a couple weeks earlier even! I wanted to enjoy the experience. So why not taste those cocktails, I thought? I did not have an intention to order one for me, it seemed to be no different to me than asking someone about a book they read, or some new music they discovered recently. I acted that way because it came automatically, naturally, it was completely familiar. I think I also wasn't ready yet to let that part of the lifestyle go.
Then I come here to SR, talk about it, and I fully admit I got mad at people suggesting the same kinds of things that you got on this thread. Change my sobriety date just because I tasted my friends' cocktails? What a ***!
But thought about it more immediately on that same day, and saw important messages in the messages, thankfully I think I saw the objective truth in it in the context of someone (me and others here) whose goal is total abstinence. Still very grateful and I have not had a sip of alcohol since. I still like to think that perhaps that experience played an important part in my not relapsing later as it remained such a vivid image in my mind.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
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Originally Posted by thomas11
There is no point in even being here if we aren't going to be honest and forthright about our relationship with alcohol, correct?
And you were honest, so ... kudos to you.I'm of the opinion that life doesn't offer tests. To use a cheesy cliche ... there are no dress rehearsals. We're all in "real time" and so I guess I see "a few sips" as imminent danger. Actually, it's a danger straight up.
Addicts can't safely use their DOC, not even two sips. It's not about the two sips. It's what they lead up to.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
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This is strictly my opinion, but I would consider not mentioning this, or "pretending" I didn't do it more dangerous than the actual 2 sips. I feel this way because that would be being deceitful and dishonest. I feel that is playing with a much larger fire.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by thomas11
This is strictly my opinion, but I would consider not mentioning this, or "pretending" I didn't do it more dangerous than the actual 2 sips. I feel this way because that would be being deceitful and dishonest. I feel that is playing with a much larger fire. There is no point in even being here if we aren't going to be honest and forthright about our relationship with alcohol, correct?
Personally, if I did something that might hurt me or someone else, I'd see no need or usefulness to add the tag line, "At least I was honest." Yet in one particular way, the expression carries literal truth in that being honest in situations in which we might potentially cause harm is, in fact, the very least we can be. A confession, of sorts. In other words, if you can't be honest about it, then you cannot also be the very least that you can be.
Why settle?
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 263
You know Thomas, it's really great that you're posting this. I really mean it.
There's one thing though. You keep rationalizing that it was ok. Even worse, in your OP, you said that afterwards you thought it was a good thing.
Those things really are not true. It was not ok and not a good thing at all. It was unnecessary and very risky. You know that.
I'm hammering on this because as long as you keep telling yourself that it was ok and even a good thing, your addiction is more active. You have to face the truth that deep down you know is true. You need to be totally honest with yourself and work on what actually led you to do it. Only that way you can change it.
Excuses, rationalizations, they're tricky. And once you've accepted them and made them public, people tend to defend them even if they see they're not true. I'm not saying that that is true for you, but it's something to keep in mind.
There's no shame in admitting it though, especially not on here. We understand. We care. All that matters is that you improve.
There's one thing though. You keep rationalizing that it was ok. Even worse, in your OP, you said that afterwards you thought it was a good thing.
Those things really are not true. It was not ok and not a good thing at all. It was unnecessary and very risky. You know that.
I'm hammering on this because as long as you keep telling yourself that it was ok and even a good thing, your addiction is more active. You have to face the truth that deep down you know is true. You need to be totally honest with yourself and work on what actually led you to do it. Only that way you can change it.
Excuses, rationalizations, they're tricky. And once you've accepted them and made them public, people tend to defend them even if they see they're not true. I'm not saying that that is true for you, but it's something to keep in mind.
There's no shame in admitting it though, especially not on here. We understand. We care. All that matters is that you improve.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
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The problem I see with doing that is when you make the decision to quit drinking must become nonnegotiable in any situation. This recovery is not an easy thing to do. Drinking even a few sips makes it OK to drink. Your AV will take it from there right back where you started. The fact that you didn't like the taste means nothing. I thought of tasting my husband drink about a year in. It was one of those no big deal moments. He said No and I snapped back into reality, no alcohol no matter the amount or circumstance.
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
I don't understand the curiosity part.
Doesn't mean you weren't really experiencing it, but it may be worth taking a second to really think about it.
You've had plenty of those drink before. It was your fave. It's just sounds strange to have curiosity over something that you've known about for a long time.
Just me be worth exploring the thought process that brought alcohol to your lips a little deeper.
Is it the end of the world? No.
Does it have to be day 1? No.
Is it a FAIL? No.
But there's something worth exploring and putting to bed.
I'd just say no more tasting it. And if you tasted again, then it's a FAIL.
Doesn't mean you weren't really experiencing it, but it may be worth taking a second to really think about it.
You've had plenty of those drink before. It was your fave. It's just sounds strange to have curiosity over something that you've known about for a long time.
Just me be worth exploring the thought process that brought alcohol to your lips a little deeper.
Is it the end of the world? No.
Does it have to be day 1? No.
Is it a FAIL? No.
But there's something worth exploring and putting to bed.
I'd just say no more tasting it. And if you tasted again, then it's a FAIL.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
I personally agree that honesty (with ourselves and with others we share a journey with) is extremely valuable and powerful, not only in recovery but in many areas of life. For me, trying to always look for the reality of my motivations behind even simple thoughts and feelings has probably been the no. 1 most precious tool in my recovery, because it allows me to recognize thought patterns that could potentially lead down to a dangerous road, often long in advance.
So to be honest I sometimes get more than just a little uncomfortable at how these kinds of threads unfold and diverge from the original question. I agree with Jeff in that it's commendable someone comes here to share these kinds of experiences, and I will add that devaluing honest expression of whatever related to recovery and our struggles in a community like this can get more dangerous than a sip of alcohol by one person... because many perceive the strong reactions as threatening and judgmental. Then what happens? People won't do it second time, they choose to keep slips and ambivalent thoughts to themselves, which can snowball into a much larger problem in the absence of feedback and support.
Not saying of course there is anything wrong with being directly critical about any attempt of drinking in a community where the general consensus and goal is abstinence and long term sobriety. It's just that there are probably reasonable limits as to twisting someone's words, even if it's with the best intention. I just felt I needed to say this because there was a similar thread yesterday also. There is always a fine line between what's helpful and what's no longer helpful especially when the topic is associated with as much passion as something like this... never easy to define where to draw the line. I just wanted to say that for me, for example, making the impression that the courage and ability of honestly discussing struggles, mistakes, misperceptions even is not a value on its own can be... dangerous, to say the least, and potentially on a larger scale than the single OP of a particular thread. It also always tends to make me think where does it come from really...? Just some food for thought.
So to be honest
I sometimes get more than just a little uncomfortable at how these kinds of threads unfold and diverge from the original question. I agree with Jeff in that it's commendable someone comes here to share these kinds of experiences, and I will add that devaluing honest expression of whatever related to recovery and our struggles in a community like this can get more dangerous than a sip of alcohol by one person... because many perceive the strong reactions as threatening and judgmental. Then what happens? People won't do it second time, they choose to keep slips and ambivalent thoughts to themselves, which can snowball into a much larger problem in the absence of feedback and support. Not saying of course there is anything wrong with being directly critical about any attempt of drinking in a community where the general consensus and goal is abstinence and long term sobriety. It's just that there are probably reasonable limits as to twisting someone's words, even if it's with the best intention. I just felt I needed to say this because there was a similar thread yesterday also. There is always a fine line between what's helpful and what's no longer helpful especially when the topic is associated with as much passion as something like this... never easy to define where to draw the line. I just wanted to say that for me, for example, making the impression that the courage and ability of honestly discussing struggles, mistakes, misperceptions even is not a value on its own can be... dangerous, to say the least, and potentially on a larger scale than the single OP of a particular thread. It also always tends to make me think where does it come from really...? Just some food for thought.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,697
This is the hardest part about sobriety being completely sober. Sure I had 90 days but I felt more like a dry drunk. I wasn't ready to totally give it up. I am at 14 days now. Part of me wishes someone would just say it's ok to drink like this and you will be fine in all honesty. However we all know deep down abstinence is the only way through. It's the AV and mental negoiations inside our heads. IMO it was the AV wanting you to taste it. You wouldn't ask for it otherwise. I enjoy reading your posts and honesty. You seem like a very thoughtful and caring person. I hope this is the last time you let the AV have any bargaining power.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Makes total sense. How long have you been on the oxy now? Six weeks? Two months? I'm sure you've built a bit of tolerance to it.
Oxy has replaced your drinking. It hits the same brain receptors and has unfortunately made it fairly painless for you to stop drinking. It won't take the place of alcohol forever, unless you intend to become hooked on it instead. When you stop taking narcotic pain relievers, you are going to be in the fight of your life if you haven't dealt with the psychological aspects and roots of your alcohol use. You haven't ruled out drinking 100%. When you stop taking opiates, there is going to be a cascade of physical cravings that you haven't even had to deal with yet.
This isn't over by any means. You don't let a lion out of its cage a little at a time.
Oxy has replaced your drinking. It hits the same brain receptors and has unfortunately made it fairly painless for you to stop drinking. It won't take the place of alcohol forever, unless you intend to become hooked on it instead. When you stop taking narcotic pain relievers, you are going to be in the fight of your life if you haven't dealt with the psychological aspects and roots of your alcohol use. You haven't ruled out drinking 100%. When you stop taking opiates, there is going to be a cascade of physical cravings that you haven't even had to deal with yet.
This isn't over by any means. You don't let a lion out of its cage a little at a time.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 254
If I had a nickel for every time I'd heard similar....
I didn't even like the taste!
How do people drink that stuff?!
The buzz wasn't even that good!!
I'm glad I tested it, because I finally realize why I don't want to drink!!
Whistling past the graveyard...
I didn't even like the taste!
How do people drink that stuff?!
The buzz wasn't even that good!!
I'm glad I tested it, because I finally realize why I don't want to drink!!
Whistling past the graveyard...
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by biminiblue
Makes total sense. How long have you been on the oxy now? Six weeks? Two months? I'm sure you've built a bit of tolerance to it.
Oxy has replaced your drinking. It hits the same brain receptors and has unfortunately made it fairly painless for you to stop drinking. It won't take the place of alcohol forever, unless you intend to become hooked on it instead. When you stop taking narcotic pain relievers, you are going to be in the fight of your life if you haven't dealt with the psychological aspects and roots of your alcohol use. You haven't ruled out drinking 100%. When you stop taking opiates, there is going to be a cascade of physical cravings that you haven't even had to deal with yet.
This isn't over by any means. You don't let a lion out of its cage a little at a time.
Oxy has replaced your drinking. It hits the same brain receptors and has unfortunately made it fairly painless for you to stop drinking. It won't take the place of alcohol forever, unless you intend to become hooked on it instead. When you stop taking narcotic pain relievers, you are going to be in the fight of your life if you haven't dealt with the psychological aspects and roots of your alcohol use. You haven't ruled out drinking 100%. When you stop taking opiates, there is going to be a cascade of physical cravings that you haven't even had to deal with yet.
This isn't over by any means. You don't let a lion out of its cage a little at a time.
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