CanILive

I have 9 months and 17 days today & sticking a needle in my arm sounds like a good idea right now. I go to meetings but im not connected.. I have no sponsor.. no home group. & now im sitting here with some cravings right now. my disease has been telling me that maybe I need to relapse to be able to completely surrender to this program..

Fly N Buy

Go to a meeting - get a home group, get a sponsor and share what's going on - now!
9 months is awesome - you can do this, keep working. Relapse does not have to be part of recovery......

suki44883

Bad idea. Bad AV! Bad! Bad! Bad AV!

It would be better to get a sponsor and work the steps. If you are attending meetings, that's good, but the program of AA/NA is working the steps.

Nonsensical

Been over 25 years of having that voice in my head, and it hasn't told me one true thing.

9 months and 17 days means you're doing something right. Probably quite a few things. Instead of starting over, maybe find that one thing that is missing from your program and work on it.

Be well!

peanut44

Yeah, your AV is feeding you a line of crap just hoping that you will give in.
You are in the driver's seat. Not it. It can't make you do anything and you know this.

You have over 9 months!? Wow!! I admire that!

Stay strong and please don't listen to that voice in your head.

TroyW

Thanks for posting before you decided to use. Great advice above.

PurpleKnight

Maybe it's time to stop listening to your addiction!!

Kaiflyguy

I can't wait to say I have 9 months and 17 days sober. You are a hero to me. Please stay that way for another 9 months and 17 days. You got this far and don't need to relapse to surrender to "your" program.

50thstate

Regrets?.................have we ever had regrets for NOT using the night or day before? ???.......You have a lot of sober time. We regret only when we have been fooled by the AV.
Go for a walk, breathe and believe you are FREE!!!

BlissWithin

Looks like you are new to SR, if you don't want to get to a meeting you can read thousands of threads on the forums to get some inspiration, try searching for stories like yours, thats a good start.

Incontrol15

You already know it's not a good idea. Otherwise you'd have a needle in your arm.

It WAS a VERY GOOD idea to post your thoughts though! Very, very, good!

It'll pass. They come and they go. The only time they come and stay is when you use.

Congrats on 9months. That is astounding!!!

Think back to your early quit. That sucked a$$ I'm sure. I quit morphine and oxy cotton before, and that was an absolute nightmare. Shakes, sweats, cramps, no sleep for IDK how many days, suicidal thoughts.....

If you use once, will you be good for life? Nope. In fact you'll want more.

Good for you for posting. Keep it up.
You're going to be very glad you did!

CanILive

Thank you all. I have a huge problem asking for help in real life so I come here when I'm going through something & it helps a lot. This place is special for an addict like me

Berrybean

I found it really hard to ask someone to sponsor me - but when I finally did, I couldn't believe how easy it was. And starting to work the steps made SUCH a difference.

You say you don't have a home group. Why is that? Is there not one meeting you go to more regularly than other meeting? If so, that, really, is your home group. The only semi-formal bit is the secretary sticking your birthday in the diary I believe.

The other problem with not having a home group is that you've presumably not got a service role. We get a lot out of taking those roles on. Far more than we put in.

Hope you're feeling better today, and good luck with braving asking someone to sponsor you.