alphaomega

You remind me so much of myself. I tried in so many ways to make alcohol somehow "fit" into my life. I tried for decades. Literally 20 years. I tried every trick in the book. Switching boozes, times, days, just weekends, etc.

And I would defend MY RIGHT TO DRINK BECAUSE my LIFE SUCKED SO BAD to anyone and everyone that gave me even the slightest inkling that they weren't in complete agreement with my choices.

Damn it.

So, yeah. That just served to dig my hole deeper and deeper. Until I almost was physically unable to even begin to crawl out.

Artfriend, (Our Friend) you are right where so many of us started our REAL journey back to ourselves. I sincerely hope you will keep on the path with us. A sober life is a magnificently authentic life. And authenticity holds no space for escapism.

May you be blessed.

2muchpain

Wish that was true, being alone that means. Recovery can be a lonely journey and I believe AF knows that. Of course SR helps along with other types of support such as AA but at the end of the day, all you have for support is you. I think most peoples' struggles with addiction is a personal challenge. The real challenge is what you do when nobody is knocking on your door or calling you. That will test your metal when it comes to sobriety or anything else your dealing with. Not to minimize the supports that are out there. I don't know where I would be without them (probably dead), but at the end of the day, it's all about you and your determination to not drink. It's that simple yet very difficult. John

2muchpain

Sure, I can bring a backpack and actually live at a AA meeting, but that's not really living is that. Eventually you have to go home and deal with your problems, much like leaving a treatment center. The bottom line is that you need to grow up, grow some balls and move on. I don't mean this to inflame anybody, just trying to make a point. It takes hard changes and determination to make any change. Why should alcohol be any different? Look at alcohol like any other problem, Y

ArtFriend

I wrote out a very long response but I don't think it will get past the mods.

dwtbd

May be just dole it out in bullet points..?
aw who'm I kidding, that would be just a trick to keep you engaged, dont fall for it

trachemys

Dammit AF I'll just give you what for now:

What for is I don't want you to die from this.

OK?

ArtFriend

You are a charmer Trachs

least

Are you afraid to post it?

Fly N Buy

Recovery for me takes commitment to change, but I do not have to do it alone. Cojones are not the problem, in my experience. That fact I cannot control my drinking is my problem.

I fought and fought for years - hard changes/determination as you put it. Turns out for me I simply needed to surrender and stop fighting everything and everyone!

AA and SR do indeed provide the support I need, I rarely feel lonely - even when I am by myself and have grown up tremendously in my emotional sobriety quickly.

If one is "fighting" I think other here might agree, regardless of "program" or not that surrendering(consisting of component parts of acceptance and willingness) is a better course.

thomas11

When we need that gentle touch, trach is our go-to guy.

PurpleKnight

I'll go out on a limb and say it'll probably be alright, I can't imagine after 7 pages and 131 posts later you're gonna say anything that's gonna deter anyone!!

At the end of the day we're all in your corner Art!!

ArtFriend

no...just waiting for the go ahead

Verte

Hi ArtFriend,

My thoughts a few days ago were along the lines of Soberpota-moose's. I was wondering all day long and then again yesterday if your (subconscious) intention was to push the community away somehow so as to not voluntarily say 'good-bye'. All my dumb posting was in attempt to suss out your intention.

Here's a reach: You started some heavy lifting recently with your lifelong traumas and it would not be unheard of to get wicked pissed at people unconnected to the actual events and experience. Takes one to know one.

Or maybe it is as simple as wanting to drink. And drinkers, drink. Right? No excuses are needed to do so. Which then brings me back to the community that is here for you. We are all here for you. Not as a pooping post, obviously, but as fellow travelers.

thomas11

AF, I can only add what has been mentioned a couple times before through this thread. 99.9% of us are total strangers, we don't know each other, and we are not obligated to anything. This place is voluntary. The fact you have 7 pages of responses from total strangers should resonate with you that people do in fact care, and genuinely want the best for you. Some people are better at articulating their thoughts than others, but that doesn't lessen the genuineness of their responses to your OP. I have felt a little resentment bubble up before in some of my threads, but it was misguided. The people here owe me nothing, and yet are taking time out of their lives to share their thoughts because they care. They are not posting or being direct with you because they have some ulterior motive, or to satisfy some twisted fetish, correct? I have yet to come across a group of people either online or even in-person who are as unique as this forum (granted, I'm no expert in that area). I'm sure you already know this, but if people didn't care about you or thought you were disingenuous or god forbid, just toying with their emotions, you would get one or two responses from newbies and the thread would die. right? Hang in there AF.

least

I don't think you need a "go ahead". You just post. If it's against the rules it will be taken down. Why not post it and see?

ArtFriend

I am sure some posters care and I am also sure others don't. Just because a person responds doesn't mean they care per se. I am not real happy with the way this thing went down. It was a pile up of sorts and took on a life of its own. People really did misconstrue the OP.

ArtFriend

Because I know it will be removed. I am waiting for the mod to take a look at it first so I can make adjustments. They are very sensitive about what gets posted in the Newcomer section

ScottFromWI

Not sure exactly what you are after AF but if you have a legitimate question or request simply ask it. Unless there are things that you think you will regret saying later - i have let posts "simmer" for a while and just ended up deleting them because they really wouldn't do anyone any good anyway, especially myself.

Dee74

This is *way* too much drama.
Just post it already.

D

Verte

How about you repeat the OP thesis? Because I, for one, do care and I am asking. Or PM and then I will stop thinking about it. Selfishly, I suppose, when I respond to a poster I have tunnel vision and feel that I am having a conversation with pretty much just the poster. After a year plus here, this has not changed.