simplex

I'm coming up on 60 days (the 21st) and I thought I'd post and reach out because I've been feeling low especially tonight. I think the weekend has something to do with it and feeling like I'm not progressing in recovery. I go back and forth feeling like I am doing well and making some positive changes and then feeling like I'm still not doing enough in taking full responsibility for myself in being healthy and productive. I guess this is one of those low points.

My friend had a birthday tonight and she'd asked me if I wanted to go earlier in the week, but understood if I didn't want to because there would be drinking. It was a situation where dinner was at 6:30 and then continued on with drinking at the restaurant/bar. I was all for it early in the week because I was feeling strong. I planned on doing dinner and then leaving. But today came around and I was stressing about it. I didn't let her know I wasn't going to go and she texted me about an hour in asking where I was and I could just say that I wasn't coming.

I don't know it's a feeling like I could have gone and been fine and maybe I was just being lazy. I'm not really craving drinking or going out. I think maybe it highlighted that I've been feeling like I'm taking it too easy since I got back from rehab. Monday will be three weeks out and I've put minimal effort into looking for work, mostly just going to recovery stuff and doing other leisure things to branch out.

Maybe it's time to start setting some new goals if I'm feeling restless? Had a friend call and we talked for a while as I was writing this and that helped. Sorry if this is all over the place, 60 days in and I'm still not super sharp. Anyways, off to bed another day sober I guess that's a victory in itself thanks for letting me share.

Berrybean

Sounds like your friend is a good 'un! You have nothing to recriminate yourself for. It was a tough call, and you played it safe (which as probably the best thing to do). Why not give said lovely friend a call and ask if you can take them out for birthday coffee / tea over the weekend to thank them for being so understanding and selfless.

As far as feeling down - that's very common. You've lost your crutch and need to make extra effort in everything at first. And it's tiring. And it can feel very isolating. Do you go to any groups / meetings? If not, maybe now would be a good time to consider it. I went to AA for the first time when I was just off one month sober, because I was sober, but not living. I was basically in dry-drunk mode, and that's a lonely and dangerous place to be.

Hoping you feel a bit better today

Soberwolf

I think your doing great congrats on 60 days Simplex early sobriety is like a rollercoaster so its normal feeling can be a bit all over the place etc

The important thing is your doing & thinking about the right things

simplex

Thanks for the replies! I do feel better this morning waking up sober. That's a great suggestion Beccy. Texted her this morning to offer so we shall see.

I'm looking forward to tonight going to a drive in to see a movie which will be fun!

As far as the meetings go I have been attending regularly. I do SMART and AA it's just taking a bit to take hold. But it's a marathon not a sprint I guess uncomfortable days are to be expected.

gettingsmarter

Simplex, sounds pretty normal from my experience. Keep it up.

CaseyW

It's ok to put your sobriety first, simplex. You did nothing wrong by not going to that dinner. So glad you checked in and glad to hear you're doing better this morning.

PurpleKnight

I experienced a bit of a lost feeling for a couple of months in the beginning, I was trying to stay Sober but all these activities and events I was passing up to do it, and everyone else seemed to be living life and I was simply sitting in on the weekends.

Though after a while I learned Sobriety was more than not drinking, we now have the foundation to build a new life on, so I started to head out for walks, do things with my time, you mention setting new goals, that's the kind of things that can keep us going!!

Hang in there Simplex!!

MythOfSisyphus

Congrats, Simplex! It's normal to feel a lot of turmoil in those first few months. It smooths out and gets better as you go along. Stick with it!