Messed up
 

I am back reading here again. I was a newbie last month. I posted that I was going to stop and I did for 26 days. All was going great and I felt so good and then I listened to my AV on July 4th. I thought the same as I have seen posted here, maybe just 1 or 2. I can do that. Well, that 1 or 2 has become 13 nights straight of being drunk. I am so ashamed and mad at myself. I was doing good. Had a few anxiety attacks and such and then messed up. I have to stop this now. The hangovers, depression and lack of any energy are killing me. So I am back today at day 1. I will stay signed on to SR and come here often for the great support you all give. I can't do this to myself anymore.

Thanks for listening, again.

Welcome back kaiflyguy :)

Are you going to make any changes to your recovery plan?

D

Welcome back, I notice you didn't make any posts since Day 3 the last time, so what were you using for support?

For me support was everything, something to keep me focused on Sobriety, my mind in isolation would convince me of all the great reasons to drink, in isolation my addiction would sell me all the fairytales of the day and help me forget why my drinking wasn't soo bad!!

Tweak your plan and go at things again!! :)

Welcome back to SR Kaiflyguy.

Brush off, and back on the wagon.

Thanks Dee, I have to just learn to block out that AV when it chimes in. I have some friends who I have reached out to that have been sober for years. They are there for me at weak times and I should've called them. I attended a few AA meetings and realized they weren't for me. I also fessed up to my Dr. and she gave me something for when the anxiety comes on but I don't like the effects of it. So for now, I am going to keep on with SR many times daily and get myself through. I know that I can't have just one.

Thanks Purpleknight, I didn't post much as you say. I just read the forums and dealt with the urges and got through. I now realize that I do need to reach out and post during those tough moments. It does help to let my feelings out via the keyboard. I will be here. Don't give up on me. I can do this.

Make this your last day one. :)

Welcome back.

I am in the same boat. I had 6 months sober using these forums. It was wonderful support. I stopped posting and checking in and started drinking again.

It's hard to not be mad at myself. I have let my family down...again!
Tomorrow is a new day. Stay close n keep posting.

SR works!!!

Thanks! I plan to keep posting. Just lurking is not enough. I let myself down. Brushing off and moving forward again.

I'm really glad you came back - with a new determination. :) You can do it Kaiflyguy - sometimes we need more proof that we don't need it in our lives.

I like the tone in your posts here, and your determination.

Wishing you all the best in your re-recovery.

Well, that 1 or 2 has become 13 nights straight of being drunk.

If a couple of beers leads to a 13 day bender, then you are definitely on the right website.

Near the end of my drinking career, 1 or 2 beers would lead to some vodka because beer just wouldn't quite do it for me. Typically the beer and vodka thing would end up lasting 3 days as I tried to taper off by day 3. Then I would feel like crap physically for a few days, and then mentally and self esteem wise for a few weeks. Then I would suddenly "forget" how bad the experience was and end up doing it again.

For me, this website, along with AA (although I'm not a super strong AA person) helped me to get and stay sober for well over 5 years now.

Yeah, I'm assuming most of us have tried that "1 or 2" thing. Doesn't usually work out well.

Decide you're just going to have a few drinks one night, and pick up where you left off tomorrow. Then wake up two weeks later, wondering what the hell happened. I think most of us have to go through that a few times, before we get it through our skulls that we're simply never allowed to pickup a drink again.

Thanks Zebra, That is exactly what happens to me. I have the 1 or 2 beers and it then leads to the 6 vodka drinks nightly. This site has helped me so much by just knowing that I am not alone. Thanks to all for the support and suggestions.

Right TroyW, It doesn't work that way at all for me. I am getting it through my thick skull now that it is not the way I want to live the rest of my life. Actually learned tonight at the grocery store that there are so many different flavors of seltzer water that I never knew of. Lol. Tonight's drink is grapefruit seltzer and it is good!

I love grapefruit seltzer!!!!! Terrific

I'm only on day 14 and find SR to be very helpful. It definitely helps to stay active on the forums :) You can do it!

Thanks Zebra, That is exactly what happens to me. I have the 1 or 2 beers and it then leads to the 6 vodka drinks nightly. This site has helped me so much by just knowing that I am not alone. Thanks to all for the support and suggestions.

Then what happened to me was that the morning after the vodka I would feel awful, kind of shaky, maybe a little buzzed. I discovered that a beer or two with my Egg McMuffin or other greasy drive through breakfast made me feel ok. Of course, this pattern couldn't go on forever.

Glad you came back. Sorry to hear about the 13 straight days, doesn't sound fun, but we get it. Believe it or not, I have seen people log on to this site and post that they are about ready to cave and get hammered and have been talked off the ledge. Maybe you can try that next time. I have done it, and it worked.

Welcome back, Kaiflyguy. I highly suggest joining and actively participating in the Class of July 2015 thread found on this same forum. It's a great way to learn from and help others who are also in early recovery.