Back to it
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 61
Back to it
Hello everyone.
Here I am again back to it again. After 3 days on a bender and couple of more times prior to that. I have come to realization that, it seems to happen more and more often with a shorter space in between. I came close to loosing my job, Im actually on the last warning. Then I'm sure family will be next to go. Fact as a matter is, I talked to my wife who most likely doesnt have any feelings left for me and I realize I ran out of things to say, because every single word has been said a million times over with no result. Yesterday I was thinking about letting it all go and give up, but something kept me thinking about positivity. Here I am i came back, there are no ways for a no answer and laziness left. If I slip now it is the end of the road.
My withdrawal is very different this time from the usual not in a very good way. Im about 40 hours sober. Yesterday I woke up with same as usual syptoms of bad abdominal cramps, chest pain and shakiness. I took librax (which is usually how I was treated, it does have a bit of benzo in it) I took it 3 times in a day and half a pill of xanax 0.25. It took the edge off a bit but still. I also had magnesium and stresstab vitamin B complex. In the evening I went to see a doc, obviously I cant admit (as I would lose a job if I dont show up at work next day) but also insurance wont cover me.
I have done EKG, body exam and some blood tests, everything came out to be normal.
I keep sweating non stop all day yesterday all day today. I came home and knew that I will have a rough night, usually first or second night I dont sleep.
However night went much different this time, I didnt take any medicine more apart from librax. At first I had feeling like suffocating but I fell asleep. I kept waking up every 40 mins to 1 hour. Until 7 am then I started having abdominal cramps again (usually that doent happen on second day).
Yesterday I had good appetite but today, I dont and I feel nauseous. In general I feel just as bad if not worse on this day which has never happened before. I feel like Im drunk which yesterday I didnt feel. Chestpain is gone, but I feel confused and ********. I told my doc yesterday I never had DT's in my life when he advised me to be on lorazepam at 6 mg a day. After my last horrific experience I stay away from it. He also gave me something called Clorazepate dipotassium when I asked him if that was benzo as well he said no, but it is and a very long lasting one and he said it is okay to take with lorazepam.
I usually take BZS for sleep and tough it out during the day, it would last a couple of days a max of 4 or so then I start feeling normal.
This WD seems to be much tougher. Usually I know what to expect but when something like this happen I get worried. I feel exremely sleepy but I cant sleep. At first I thought maybe I took something at night without realizing it? Since Im alone for a few days, but I dont think so. I never did that before.
Anyway I want to continue to work on myself I did some work yesterday evening but today I just feel like a wreck and my head is offline completely.
Here I am again back to it again. After 3 days on a bender and couple of more times prior to that. I have come to realization that, it seems to happen more and more often with a shorter space in between. I came close to loosing my job, Im actually on the last warning. Then I'm sure family will be next to go. Fact as a matter is, I talked to my wife who most likely doesnt have any feelings left for me and I realize I ran out of things to say, because every single word has been said a million times over with no result. Yesterday I was thinking about letting it all go and give up, but something kept me thinking about positivity. Here I am i came back, there are no ways for a no answer and laziness left. If I slip now it is the end of the road.
My withdrawal is very different this time from the usual not in a very good way. Im about 40 hours sober. Yesterday I woke up with same as usual syptoms of bad abdominal cramps, chest pain and shakiness. I took librax (which is usually how I was treated, it does have a bit of benzo in it) I took it 3 times in a day and half a pill of xanax 0.25. It took the edge off a bit but still. I also had magnesium and stresstab vitamin B complex. In the evening I went to see a doc, obviously I cant admit (as I would lose a job if I dont show up at work next day) but also insurance wont cover me.
I have done EKG, body exam and some blood tests, everything came out to be normal.
I keep sweating non stop all day yesterday all day today. I came home and knew that I will have a rough night, usually first or second night I dont sleep.
However night went much different this time, I didnt take any medicine more apart from librax. At first I had feeling like suffocating but I fell asleep. I kept waking up every 40 mins to 1 hour. Until 7 am then I started having abdominal cramps again (usually that doent happen on second day).
Yesterday I had good appetite but today, I dont and I feel nauseous. In general I feel just as bad if not worse on this day which has never happened before. I feel like Im drunk which yesterday I didnt feel. Chestpain is gone, but I feel confused and ********. I told my doc yesterday I never had DT's in my life when he advised me to be on lorazepam at 6 mg a day. After my last horrific experience I stay away from it. He also gave me something called Clorazepate dipotassium when I asked him if that was benzo as well he said no, but it is and a very long lasting one and he said it is okay to take with lorazepam.
I usually take BZS for sleep and tough it out during the day, it would last a couple of days a max of 4 or so then I start feeling normal.
This WD seems to be much tougher. Usually I know what to expect but when something like this happen I get worried. I feel exremely sleepy but I cant sleep. At first I thought maybe I took something at night without realizing it? Since Im alone for a few days, but I dont think so. I never did that before.
Anyway I want to continue to work on myself I did some work yesterday evening but today I just feel like a wreck and my head is offline completely.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 61
Reading, working on steps, avoiding places or people that trigger me to drink. Also managing my stress in a better way.
Something is not quite right, I sweat more and more. I feel very dizzy. I thought it should be getting better and better as times goes on not worse.
Something is not quite right, I sweat more and more. I feel very dizzy. I thought it should be getting better and better as times goes on not worse.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,087
I've noticed every time I've detoxed myself it's different every time. I'm back to day 1 myself, and toughing out the withdrawals.
Hang in there, it does get better. If it gets really bad, there always is the ER option available. You may lose your job, but that's better than losing your life, no?
Hang in there, it does get better. If it gets really bad, there always is the ER option available. You may lose your job, but that's better than losing your life, no?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
There are some great tips on making a solid recovery plan here:
https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...0/SMA-3720.pdf
D
https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...0/SMA-3720.pdf
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 61
I have some meds that I can take though Im not sure if Im withdrawing from boze alone or benzos as well (just 1 day of taking it) today nothing. But Im a bit scared to take them since Im alone now, in case of anything nobody is here to drive to to the hospital. Wont be able to do it myself. I was feeling alright in the morning but now Im very confused and on the edge. Dizzy as .....
I was thinking about trying to the doc again but then they will give me more benzos and send me on my way. Even if I find some way to admit I will be pumped with gigantic doses of benzos (which I never needed). Its a nightmare coming off them.
Solid plan will have to wait until a feel at least a little bit better.
I was thinking about trying to the doc again but then they will give me more benzos and send me on my way. Even if I find some way to admit I will be pumped with gigantic doses of benzos (which I never needed). Its a nightmare coming off them.
Solid plan will have to wait until a feel at least a little bit better.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
I don't want to harp but putting off making a plan is a common, but totally avoidable, mistake a lot of people make.
When you can't do much more than read and think...that's a perfect time to start nutting out a plan IMO
D
When you can't do much more than read and think...that's a perfect time to start nutting out a plan IMO
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 61
Thing is I'm not putting it off because I don't want to. Because my head is not working at all I took a book out and realized I was reading same page 5 times over and still not getting anything out of it. I need to take the edge off. Tired of hospital visits where they tell me all my tests are looking okay. I have till Monday to get control of it. If I don't I loose my job that I work so hard to get to be with my family. My wife won't be able to pull all fees by herself.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
I will preface my reply by saying that I’ve been accused of throwing people’s old posts back at them. I do go back and look at people’s posts to see what they’ve done for their recovery, to see what has worked and what has not worked so that I’m not presenting information that isn’t helpful. And yes, I point prior posts out to people if I think that something useful will be gained. I’m hoping for that in your case.
You’ve started 12 threads. There is a pattern. They are entitled, Need support please, Back again, help/support needed, Done it again, Relapsed again…., Had enough, Please help me, Need help…losing everything, Back at it again!, Starting again, and Back to it. If you look at the dates of your posts, the pattern becomes more clear.
You come here for help and support and advice. You get a lot of replies, support, advice. Then you disappear for months. Then come back. Rinse and repeat.
Time to break the cycle. If this is to be your last relapse, the start of your sober journey, then something has to change. You either have to stay on SR, stay accountable, and work through your struggles…
…or you work a solid program recovery while you are away from SR. Either way, you have got to start implementing change AND action in your life. And not for a couple of days. For life.
Ready?
You’ve started 12 threads. There is a pattern. They are entitled, Need support please, Back again, help/support needed, Done it again, Relapsed again…., Had enough, Please help me, Need help…losing everything, Back at it again!, Starting again, and Back to it. If you look at the dates of your posts, the pattern becomes more clear.
You come here for help and support and advice. You get a lot of replies, support, advice. Then you disappear for months. Then come back. Rinse and repeat.
Time to break the cycle. If this is to be your last relapse, the start of your sober journey, then something has to change. You either have to stay on SR, stay accountable, and work through your struggles…
…or you work a solid program recovery while you are away from SR. Either way, you have got to start implementing change AND action in your life. And not for a couple of days. For life.
Ready?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Time to draw a line under alcohol, it's doing you no favours from what you mentioned about your job.
For me I really needed to step things up and try something new, doing the same things and expecting different results never worked, we have to make Sobriety happen before things get worse!!
For me I really needed to step things up and try something new, doing the same things and expecting different results never worked, we have to make Sobriety happen before things get worse!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 61
Today will be 5 days sober. I can sleep normally for 2 days now without any meds. Everything seems to be the same as usually quick recovery. However it is 2-3 day I feel very confused, very dizzy or lightheaded and bright light seems to make it worse. What is happening?
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by sup3r1or 
Today will be 5 days sober. I can sleep normally for 2 days now without any meds. Everything seems to be the same as usually quick recovery. However it is 2-3 day I feel very confused, very dizzy or lightheaded and bright light seems to make it worse. What is happening?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 61
I have been to doc but they seem to laugh at me at this point already. I feel more shakes and dizziness now 5 days in than I have ever had. Ekg was done first one showed sinus arrhythmia second was done and was normal. Usually after 3 days in back to normal. I guess this is intense anxiety or panic. Don't know how I will go back to work tomorrow but I have no choice or I will be dismissed and loose my visa and then rest of things I care about. I try to calm myself down. I can go back to benzos but I know this will only prolongue recovery and then I will have to battle coming off them. I only used them for one day during first day of my sobriety
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
No! You can get it together! Your family and visa can be at stake.
When posters say a plan it can be intimidating buy it doesn't have to be. For example, part of my plan is reading a bit here and participating when I can or when I am compelled to. I open it in my phone and read it when I have a second here and there. This has really helped me not only keep focused but also to learn about sobriety and recovery which in turn helps my plan since I learn new things to do all the time. Things like playing the tape, rereading my threads... Things like that...
You have been thinking about this for a while now. If you do the work you will make it happen and we will be her to support you. It's sooooo much better. Your body is still normalizing. Give it time.
When posters say a plan it can be intimidating buy it doesn't have to be. For example, part of my plan is reading a bit here and participating when I can or when I am compelled to. I open it in my phone and read it when I have a second here and there. This has really helped me not only keep focused but also to learn about sobriety and recovery which in turn helps my plan since I learn new things to do all the time. Things like playing the tape, rereading my threads... Things like that...
You have been thinking about this for a while now. If you do the work you will make it happen and we will be her to support you. It's sooooo much better. Your body is still normalizing. Give it time.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
