RamsesOsirus

Hmm well I just hit 30 days of sobriety, kind of forced due to DUI house arrest and alcohol bracelet... but it still counts. Trouble is, I've been soo isolated and stuck at home. Lost my job, can't drive, no one is calling or responds to me really. I'm introverted, so I like being solitary most of the time, but damn, not ALL the time.

I remember why I relapsed last summer, to forget about life, damn! And to have some fun, I'm a lot more extroverted after a few drinks... but I cannot stop and then do some preeeetty crazy things. That I may or may not recall... or like to.

So I mean, basically, I'm supposed to get all happy about being sober, so I can go back to finding a job I hate, working my life away, all while pretending that being "sober" is so much better? Obviously I don't miss the legal trouble, fights, blackouts, etc...

But really, what is there to look forward to at this point? I'm 32, single, no children, barely not a felon, can't drive, no job (lost it due to the legal deal), $50,000 in student loan debt for a degree I worked on for 9 years, while working full-time and living at "home"... so all my old friends have moved on, have families or lives. I sacrifice so much to "do the right thing and get a degree". And quit marijuana since it was illegal, but maaaaan alcohol is so much worse, at least for me it is.

Not sure what to do or what is to become of me, barring a miracle.
I guess I am grateful that it isn't worse, it can and could be much worse, but I can only deal with reality ya know.

Dee74

Hi RamsesOsirus

I had to do a lot more than just not drink.

Sobriety - just not drinking - didn't actually solve many of my problems.

It did give me the stability to work on other issues tho and to work towards the kind of man I wanted to be and the kind of life I wanted.

so...if I was you, that kind of stuff would be my 'what now?'

D

Soberwolf

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

CaseyW

This website has two words in its name--"sober" is what I am when I don't drink or use other drugs. "Recovery" is what I achieve when I starting working on fixing and improving all other aspects of my life now that I'm not hiding under a constant haze of booze or other drugs.

There's a better life out there waiting for you in recovery. You're still young. Set yourself some goals and use this gift of sobriety to start moving toward them. Start your recovery.

Congrats on 30 days, by the way. Court ordered or not, it's still a big deal.

Anna

It's not like that. Stopping drinking is the beginning of the journey. It doesn't guarantee a job you love or a happy life, but drinking guarantees you will not have those things. In recovery, you can begin to make the changes in your life that you want. Hopefully you can find a job you like, slowly pay off your debt and begin to enjoy life. I hope that you give recovery a chance.

DuhDave

These people speak words of wisdom.

Listen.

DD

MythOfSisyphus

Welcome, RamsesOsirus. As Anna said you're at the beginning of the journey. 30 days is terrific, go going on that! But you can't expect to fix a life that you've spent maybe decades messing up. Coming up on three years sober I sometimes feel that I woke from a dream, living someone else's life, already in progress.

There's nothing left in worrying over the past. You can't change it. As you get a bit of sober time in your brain chemistry will change. Some things will become much clearer. You will eventually be on firm footing to decide what the rest of your life will like.

doggonecarl

Your sobriety has been mandated, and you feel like it's a punishment. But what has alcohol actually done for you? Other than make you "think" you are more extroverted and sociable?

The DUI, the lost job...Alcohol has punished you. Not sobriety. When you figure that out, you won't resent it so much.

FreeOwl

I kind of felt some of that after having to be sober as a consequence of my first DUI.

8 years later after my second DUI I felt less that way.

Now that I am sober because I want to be, it really IS a happier, better, richer and more rewarding life.

I hope it doesn't take you ten years, another DUI and a couple of divorces to embrace sobriety....

FreeOwl

And this.

YES

HMS

No kids, no job, house arrest.

I almost wish they had done that to me before I had a family and lost it. Have a job and am so afraid to lose it and have no home to turn to. I couch crash at friends places and have no home to take my kids to when i get to see them.

You've seen the dark side and you didn't have to take your kids through it with you. you will find someone and have children if that's what you want. But sobriety is the first step to that road.

IOAA2

Hi.
They used to say frequently at AA meetings that if sobriety feels uncomfortable or not wanted there’s the door for us to do more research and enjoy the misery that come with it.

We need to want sobriety before we get it and accept the fact we cannot drink in safety if we are alcoholics. Period.
KEEP COMING AND BE WELL

RamsesOsirus

Thanks for the replies.

I don't for a second want to return to drinking... it was horrible.
I did have over 2 years of full sobriety under my belt before this relapse, and yes, it was much better.
I know I likely sound like I'm "complaining" or whatnot, but that's kind of what it's like right now. I set goals to keep me busy, but they are rarely goals that others consider to be "realistic", or "worthwhile"...
I'm not going to give up yet, I could not stand to put myself or my few loved ones through another situation such as this one, it has been torturous to say the least.

I greatly appreciate the responses and advice. Most people here likely understand where I'm coming from at this point in recovery. Thanks
[SIGPIC]

Yankee73

In my experience, you're not supposed to "get all happy about being sober". You can if you want. It certainly makes things a lot easier. I was not particularly happy to get sober, but when you're drinking booze for breakfast, making an a$$ out of yourself in public and flat broke due to spending all your money on alcohol, then pretty much anything is better than that.

The more messes I cleaned up, the more my mood improved. It's hard to "get happy" when you're surrounded by the consequences of poor decisions as a result of drinking. I wouldn't say I'm "happy", but I'm not miserable and certainly not as stressed.

thomas11

The title of your post gives us the impression that you don't have much reason to believe sober is better than partying. Like it has no use in your life.
Flip that around, "drunk, but for what?" Then re-read your post and you'll see "for what". As in single, jobless, student debt, introverted when sober, house arrest and no kids. I only mention that because you describe them negatively, and mostly they are. Like Carl mentioned alcohol is punishing you, not sobriety. Correct? I wish you the best. And as duh-dave said, their is wisdom on this forum, try and use it to your advantage.

PurpleKnight

For me abstinence was simply the foundation to build a life on, it takes time but hang in there!!

Nuudawn

I've had a fair numberof kicks at the sobriety can but it has truly only been in the last couple of years where I have chalked up some periods of sobriety that I can actually say I "enjoyed" it...and as other have alluded to...sobriety is the place where you can start "life repair". I spent a large majority of my life in "self pity". I remain childless and unmarried in my late 40's ..but ya know what, I was the architect of all of that...no matter what self pitying finger I want to point. I could blame my parents or upbringing ..but truth is I was at the helm of ALL my choices. Every damn one of them.
It was only in my last sobriety that I realized my life was a pile of nothing..by my very own design. Don't get me wrong..I have accomplishments in my wake too...
But if you want to crawl out from under the burdens you detail...you can do that in sobriety. But in sobriety, I also found an enemy within that needs wrangling with. That shadow wants the never ending party. It wants to keep me broke, immature, loveless and lonely.
I quit drinking not even two weeks ago..and I already have $300 to put in a savings account I drained in my last relapse. It's not that I drank all my money away..but I had no focus and everything was reckless...

If you don't know what you want or where you want to go, it's hard to stay sober. What do you want and who do you want to be?

Zufrieden

CaseyW thank you for your response. I hadn't considered the two words separately till now. Sobriety can be fleeting without the recovery part. Very fleeting. Thanks so much
D

Zufrieden

Well put Nuudawn!