Littlebear

Just saying hello to you all. I am lost out here. Drinking every 2nd or 3rd night, not very much at all in quantity...but just enough to quell the most extreme pain. I am lost, unhappy, sometimes feeling desperate. Can't even keep this forum contact going. I am working long hours with much travel, and crying a lot in my driving hours. But although it may not sound like it, I am determined to beat this alcoholic thing in me

I have a new therapist, and been driving for bleeding miles out of my area to see if I can find a home AA group to settle into. It's hard. There are lots of meetings in my immediate vicinity...but I cannot go there. I have my reasons.

I end as I began...just saying hello as I don't want to lose contact here if at all possible. LB

saoutchik

I'm sure you can beat this Littlebear

Maybe your new therapist can help you with the unhappiness which is in turn, causing you to drink. Several of your posts have mentioned it LB.

I find posting here helpful because people do understand what we are all going through

2muchpain

You may be further along in your attempts to stay sober than you think.
1. You recognize that you have a problem
2. Your trying to minimize how much you are drinking. That's a start
3. Your working on a plan to do something about it, ie. a therapist and AA
You sound determined to quick drinking and are open to outside support. There's many people that are still struggling with #1 so you are definitely progressing. Just one question; have you talked to your doctor about your drinking? He/she may be helpful with any withdrawal problems you might be experiencing, and may also know of other resources you could tap into that might be helpful. John

Dee74

Is it really quelling that pain tho, littlebear?

why not try something different - not a big ask - but maybe posting daily - either here in your own thread or in the Class of July support thread?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-2-a-19.html

Post to us when that pain overwhelms you instead - get some advice, wisdom and some hope....

try a different salve than the bottle?

D

Soberwolf

(((((Littlebear))))) i am sorry your feeling like this, with long hours, driving, crying, trying to find a meeting you can feel safe in its a lot

D's link to the july group would help so much with not feeling alone ppl getting sober around the same time as each other going through similar stuff helping each other out

With us youl never be alone Littlebear

And if you ever want to talk rant cry whatever you can send me a msg anytime

AnvilheadII

i've never run a marathon but i imagine that somewhere between 20 miles and the finish line (26 miles), every runner has to fight the urge to just quit. it's too far, feet/knees/hips hurt too much, and really what is the point? and i also believe it is at that exact moment, that the runner digs down deep and finds the will to continue, even if it takes well into the night.

one step at a time. one foot in front of the other.

you HAVE been taking action, looking for AA meetings, setting up an appointment with a new therapist, crying while driving, and remembering to check in here with SR. those are good things.....

are you into audiobooks at all? since you are in the car a lot. i have a miserable hour or so drive to work each day (and home!) and i finally got tired of static-y FM radio and traffic on the 9's on AM, so signed up for an audiobook plan. i can hook my cellphone right to my stereo so it comes thru the speakers, and now my car time is a GOOD thing. there are a lot of great self help books and AA/NA speaker tapes that could be great company and great support while you are on the road. something to think about.....

Formy2boys2

I am sorry that you are in so much pain. What type of pain is it? Physical? Emotional? Seeking out a therapist is great. Hopefully they will help you continue on the road to recovery. Please come here more often. Everyone here will gladly help lift you up

MythOfSisyphus

Hang in there, Littlebear! There is hope!

Soberwolf

How are you today LB

toadie54

There cannot be any defeat, only setbacks...sorry for your pain and agree with others you are in a better place than you think you are...you have a plan, implement it.

FreeOwl

Hi Littlebear....

Sometimes the feeling of being lost is simply the way to finding ourselves.

Just for today.... please don't drink. Drink water, drink juice, go for a walk, meditate, watch the sunset, make a list of things to be grateful for, make a list of things you want to see your life become, and don't drink...

Just for today, OK?

We'll deal with tomorrow when it's Today.

ccam1973

Couldn't have said this better myself.

Just for today, OK? You deserve it.

We're here for you Littlebear.

CaseyW

How are you doing today, Littlebear?

Littlebear

Thakyou for your kind and wise messages. In truth I don't really know how I am. My day has been odd. Started with a pre- arranged phone ' interview' with a tv company who approached me to contribute towards a documentary they are hoping to have commissioned. Then I had late breakfast on my own out. Then spent time with several clients. Picked my car up from its service with an outstandingly hefty bill attached. Met an ex work colleague I don't know that well for a drink (he drank I didnt). Came home and immediately poured a glass of wine. And had it. I do a day like this but am just lost. I know I have said it before, but I am deeply unhappy and don't know what to do about it, because I have soooo tried over the years to do something. But it all amounts only to furthering my career, making my life look interesting from the outside. But there's an absence of people who care. I think i am just sh**t at relationship...except with clients. There's really no-one. So sorry to keep seeming so low...I am low.

Tomorrow I travel a long way to see more clients, then will get through the weekend doing this and that. I have somehow lost completely any sense of meaning. If you knew me, knew my life to date...this would come as a shock. Well, it would to those that have been in my life a long time. Again sorry for not having much that's upbeat to say

Soberwolf

Have you got to any meetings LB

Surrender2win

Hugs to you Littlebear. Try posting here as much as you can. It does help and we are all in this together. We care.

PurpleKnight

For me the goal was not drinking, that needed to be my focus when I couldn't string days togther, never mind weeks or months, thinking about all of the other stuff, relationships, loneliness, friends etc etc, that all needed to be pushed aside for the time being, I simply needed to figure out a way to get to bedtime without drinking, that was the priority.

Knowing the cycle and the pattern to our drinking sometimes can mean the solution is in front of us, I went to work with great intentions in the morning of not drinking, and on the drive home without fail would stop off at the liquor store and drink myself into a hangover the next morning, that was the key to it all, break that cycle and I was on to something, regardless of how lonely I still was, how bored I was in my evenings, the reality was alcohol didn't fix them anymore than mere abstinence did.

Small changes, a plan to make Sobriety happen, if the plan wasn't working I changed up the plan, but I was gonna crack this after work drinking no matter what!!

Hang in there LittleBear!!

Dee74

Forgive me for not remembering but do you see anyone for depression littlebear?

D