HopePeace

Hi again guys. Just wondering if anyone has been in or is in a relationship with someone who drinks daily while they are sober. My boyfriend drinks almost daily. He loves it and he always has to have beer or vodka in the house. I have successfully stopped drinking for a month - he has never tried and doesn't think he would be able to. He does not act the way I do when drunk. He is almost nicer and more loveable than he is when sober. I am the opposite. He doesnt have anything against me not drinking accept he has mentioned that it would be sad not to be able to drink champagne w me or celebrate things and that maybe i should just cut back and "dont get drunk". Guess I am just scared I will bore him. I dont have a hard time saying no to alcohol when I am not in the mood for it so that won't bother me. Anyone in a relationship w a drinker?

Soberwolf

Hi HopePeace mrs sw gave up drinking with me she wasnt a drinker anyway & i didnt ask her to i actually said you dont have to stop because of me and mrs sw took that as i wanted to drink so i didnt say anything again

After a while we agreed to no alcohol in the home at all and its made such a diffrence

BlissWithin

I would not date someone who gets smashed on a regular basis, but I could live with someone who drinks 1 or 2 drinks ocasionally, I dont have a problem with that.

HeartsAfire

This topic comes up a lot around here. You'll get lots of different views & experiences. The bottom line is that you have to figure out what works for your sobriety and then do whatever it takes to keep & protect it.

As for me, my husband is one of those weirdos who can order 1 glass of wine at dinner and then not finish it. There is currently beer in the garage fridge that's been there for almost a month. It's the craziest thing to me! I will never understand it and that's ok. All I have to understand is that I can not and will not drink.

He is totally & completely on board & supportive of my sobriety. I never asked him to stop because he doesn't have the problem with alcohol. I do. I have noticed though that he doesn't really drink around me and he has completely stopped ordering it when we go out. His choice - not mine.

My only "rule" is that I won't buy it. If he wants it, he goes to the store himself to buy it.

It works for us. I'm not sure it would if he was drinking daily and/or getting drunk but that's just me. Again, find what works for you & stick to your guns. Your sobriety is precious & both you & it deserve respect.

Take what you like...leave the rest.

FreeOwl

my Lady drinks... but only very occasionally and only one, two tops.

Even at that low-level rate, I do sometimes wind up confronting feelings of resentment or discomfort about her 'being able' to drink. The feelings pass, I work through them by actively reminding myself of why I choose sobriety. Sometimes it doesn't happen, sometimes it does. I'd like to be completely free of those feelings. I do think that when it's someone very close to us, someone we love, it can make these feelings stronger, closer to home. Harder to contend with.

I can imagine that if she drank daily, I would really be challenged.

HopePeace

Sometimes I can have only one and sometimes I dont even finish it. I dont have a problem with not stopping. I have a problem controlling myself once I start taking shots or start to feel drunk. He has had two dwi's. So his drinking has not always been without consequences. I guess I just dont want to feel like the boring girlfriend who cant drink because when she does she acts like an idiot and ruins everything. It is the obvious answer for me though. And I am okay with it at this point

SereneEdition

Hi HopePeace -

Many of experience strains in our relationships when we stop drinking and our partners don't. Your are not alone here. You'll figure out what works for you, as every relationship is different. Investing in good communication with your partner will help you move through rough spots.

Good luck!

ccam1973

HP, my wife drinks daily. I am sober for just over a year now. I've never asked her to quit and wouldn't. I have had to learn that I can only control my actions. With that being said, I always have an out if I feel her drinking is tempting me on a particular night. I just get out of the house, go into another room, anything to divert my attention.

It was definitely harder in the beginning, but now after I have some time under my belt it's much easier having booze in the house.

Our biggest transition was both of us getting used to me not drinking. We had been drinking partners as long as we have been together; 20 some years. As those years went on, I found myself drinking more by myself than with her.

We are now through that stage and everyone's much happier. Although, I think she will want to quit herself eventually.

I think for anyone trying to become / stay sober it would be much easier without the temptation of your SO drinking.

Just remember, you can only control you. Protect your sobriety.

sean0621

My ex-gf would get drunk every time I was over. She was terrified of seeming boring to me. She was the first person to tell me I had a drinking problem. The irony of our relationship, I told her i would never quit and she told me she desperately wanted to quit... I am sober over a year and last I saw of her she was still very much an alcoholic and addicted to Benzos. I resisted drinking with her while I was sober for over 6 months. I don't think I would have lasted a day longer than that, I was ready to give up and join her. But I found that I liked myself alone and sober more than I liked being with her drunk, so I left. I sometimes miss her, but I don't regret leaving her. I chose my sanity over her. I can tell you this one thing, as long as I continued to be with her, I would have continued trying to please her and trying to figure out how to make her happy. I never would have spent time figuring myself out and how to make myself happy and would have made myself miserable enough to say sobriety isn't worth it why not just drink with her and make her happy. I'm glad I chose myself.

HopePeace

Thanks for the advice guys. I don't mind not drinking in the house when he is, I was more concerned w our social outings. Dinners, weddings, camping trips/vacations etc. But if you guys can skip the drinks and still have fun with your significant other, I'm hoping I can too!

thomas11

" Anyone in a relationship w a drinker?"

Yeah, with myself. I thought I was a blast. Turns out I wasn't.

wehav2day

I'm like a few others here, my spouse is a total "normie." I asked for there to be no booze in the house for about a year, but I'm ok with it now. She does drink when we go out, usually just one. I've seen her drunk once in ten years and that was really a case of bartender over pouring.

I wouldn't dream of asking her to quit, I'm the one with the problem not her.

My deal is I don't like a bunch of alcohol to be in house, I don't buy it, and if she drinks when we are out she pays for it. It's been working.

Marcher13

Like wehav above, my dh has maybe one drink a day, two light beers if he's really living it up. My mother lives with us and she drinks maybe a glass of wine a day so the fridge holds both beer and wine. I now treat it the same way I treat bees -- as something I'm allergic to, which I am.

HopePeace there is nothing like coming home from a celebration sober! You get the celebration and you wake up the next day feeling good.

MythOfSisyphus

I guess the short answer is "it depends". If I had still be married when I decided to stop and my spouse was a drinker (I wasn't and she wasn't) then I'd probably at least try to respect their right to drink if they want. But it would be difficult, especially if they drank a lot. Now that I'm sober I really can't tolerate drunks. It doesn't trigger me or anything, I'm just hyper-aware of how idiotic they are. I guess there's no one as righteous as a convert.

Now I can't can't imagine dating someone that's a heavy drinker. I have no desire to build a life with someone that's going to be drunk all the time.