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The cats out of the bag

Old 07-14-2015, 10:34 AM
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The cats out of the bag

Hello SR:

Some of you know that I have been around for a little while. During this time I have had spurts of sobriety, but nothing of any lasting relevance.

Last night I hit it hard again. I woke up today with the same recourse. My wife is upset, spent no time with the family, cant function at work and depressed.

For the last two years in wanting to get sober, I have tried half hearted tactics, playing with fire and thinking I could handle me. I am a fool. More importantly, I tried to keep my sobriety a secret or more so, I didn't want anyone to know how bad it is and I did not want to be held accountable.

Looking over my posts over the last year, I come off as a mental nutcase. The highs, the lows, the regret, the "mini victories". I really had no damn clue what I was up against. Again, what a fool.

I finally came clean about my problem with my wife. I had to do it. I told her I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I told her I have a problem. Of course, she already knew this but telling her was very important for me and getting sober. I cant do it alone.

I also told my close friends. The issue was downplayed. They don't think I am serious. Oh well, This is about me not them. I will deal with them later. right now, I have to focus on me.

I have been reading recovery books (never used to do that), talking to facilities about acute inpatient care so I am better equipped and have help around me.

I was looking at sobriety all wrong and going about it all wrong as I don't think I really was serious enough in the past. I now know that I WANT TO BE SOBER.

This is not some emotional hangover post because I feel guilty for getting drunk. I really want to be sober, for the remainder of my life.

With that said, I apologize to all of you who have responded to my past posts and offered encouragement and tips. I feel like I wasted your time because I was not serious enough then, when I should have been. Or maybe its just I am finally at the point that I am ready to do this.

Even though my wife knew, I was really glad to tell her my "dirty little secret" The weight has been lifted. Even though I have you all (which I am extremely grateful for) I need face to face support and I'm glad I finally was honest with her.

Now the journey begins. I'm scared. I'm excited. I'm ready.
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Old 07-14-2015, 10:39 AM
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Heres some help to get you started http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

You can do this Charlie
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Old 07-14-2015, 10:41 AM
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Originally Posted by Charlie117926 View Post
Hello SR:


With that said, I apologize to all of you who have responded to my past posts and offered encouragement and tips. I feel like I wasted your time because I was not serious enough then, when I should have been. Or maybe its just I am finally at the point that I am ready to do this.


Charlie, you don't need to say this. That said, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I feel like such an *sshole coming on here time and time again and admitting failure. I feel like people reading just roll their eyes and think "ah, there she is again, not even close to serious about this sobriety thing" But we are, aren't we? For some of us it really is a very long process of ups and downs. I once had a friend compare the breakup of a relationship to knocking over a soda machine. I think the analogy fits here for some of us. It is really hard, nearly impossible to knock a soda machine over with one push. If you want to knock it over you need to rock it back and forth back and forth until it gains momentum and finally topples over.
We are here Charlie and we understand. I believe you when you say you want to be sober. I believe you even when you come on here and say you drank again. I know how it is. Thinking of you today and everyday. You were one of my first pals here and I am thankful to have you on this journey and to be with you on yours.
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Old 07-14-2015, 10:47 AM
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I don't think anyone here will hold past posts against you, after all I think most of us have quit and relapsed before at some point. We can't quit until we are completely ready to quit.

It sounds like you are finally ready to quit and that's a wonderful thing. The road ahead will be difficult but hang in there. The first step I would suggest is to get in contact with a doctor and make a plan with him or her about quitting alcohol. Quitting alcohol can effect everyone differently so it's a good idea to get feedback from a doctor. Secondly, getting in contact with AA or a similar support group might be a good idea, it often is hard to quit on your own and a group like AA can be invaluable and very helpful in your journey.
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Old 07-14-2015, 11:03 AM
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Hey Charlie,

We're all really glad you posted today and we all understand where you're coming from. Now I don't recommend my timeframe for getting sober but I joined here in June 2010 and got sober in June 2014.

If anyone on here didn't procrastinate or spin their wheels a few times when getting sober I'd love to hear their story.

I think coming clean with your wife and friends is HUGE because so much of alcoholism is secretive. Once I came clean with my family and friends I knew I had turned a corner. I think you have too.
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Old 07-14-2015, 11:04 AM
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No apologies necessary Charlie. That's what this site is built on, continuing and ongoing help for each other towards a sober life. I had to adjust my thinking over my 21 years of heavy drinking to make it where I am today at just over a year sober; and I'm very early on in this battle.

Good for you on making several key realizations;

-you have to do this for you
-you can only control your actions
-use every resource that you can to help fight this battle
- you've got to be accountable for your successes and set-backs

I finally hit a point where I didn't care who knew about my drinking problem, I was going to succeed no matter what anyone else thought or said. It was actually a great feeling to let my family and friends know it was time I quit and why. No more hiding.

You can do this Charlie. You are strong enough to make yourself better.

One day at a time, make this a good day!
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Old 07-14-2015, 11:15 AM
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Thank you all very much for the support and the kind words. I need it. The good thing about SR is people hear always have your back.

Mera: Thank you for the message, it means a lot and you hit the nail on the head. Yep, we did start about the same time and I have relied on your words heavily to get me through some tough days and I cant thank you enough for that.
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Old 07-14-2015, 11:47 AM
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Thanks CCam:

I had always tried to hide my problem and I am at the point where I just don't care who knows. Plus people need to know so they know where I stand. I want to enjoy my sober life and not hide it. I really appreciate your post.
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Old 07-14-2015, 12:09 PM
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Glad to hear you were honest. I've found being open about it makes things easier. They say change people places and things. By bringing it out into the open you can almost pre-emptively avoid the people you'd drink with etc. Really filters out the bad and shows who your real friends are. Keep up the motivation, rooting for you
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Old 07-14-2015, 01:23 PM
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It had to get pretty serious for me to get serious, too.

Sounds like you're there.

Start each day with a commitment to sobriety, make real changes to support that choice... Don't simply choose it; embrace it.

Actions are what you need now. Actions and real changes that support and celebrate sobriety. I think too often we forget to CELEBRATE sobriety.

You can do this.
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Old 07-14-2015, 01:28 PM
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Good for you on getting honest. The next step is more important: walking the walk. Actions speak louder than words, my friend. I'm sure your companion is impressed you came clean. She'll be blown away when you follow through. One day at a time. Do not drink. Period.
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Old 07-14-2015, 02:57 PM
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Well said free owl. Thanks

Big Sombrero thanks for comments. The walk will be tough but i have no other choice. I'm at my bottom so theres only one option left.
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Old 07-14-2015, 03:05 PM
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It must feel get to get that weight off your chest. Its no longer a secret, and you can use it for accountability. You sound determined and genuine. You're ready. And I think that's great. I wish you the very best.
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Old 07-14-2015, 03:19 PM
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I'm so proud of you, Charlie. As you know, my turning point in recovery was exposing my "secret" to my husband, my son & a few trusted friends. As I encouraged you to do the same, I've told you how much it strengthened not only my recovery but my relationships as well. I've never looked back or regretted a second of it.

11 months ago today we met, Charlie, and bonded over our shared sickness. Today is the perfect day to wipe the slate clean & get going on down this path with the rest of us. Why not join us on the 24 hour thread? We'd love to have you!

As always, I'm honored to travel this road with you and appreciate your honesty, your friendship and yes, even your struggles.

Hugs & love today & always.
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Old 07-14-2015, 03:34 PM
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I agree with freeowl. Start your day with a commitment to sobriety. End your day with reflection and a continued commitment to sobriety. If you Believe, have a heartfelt conversation with God, your higher power or, just yourself if you don't Believe.
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Old 07-14-2015, 03:46 PM
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Thank you hearts. Your post has me pretty choked up. Your words mean alot to me hearts. More than you'll ever know.

Jsm273: nice points on starting and ending the day. Yes i am a believer and i have had many conversations with God about my situation.
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Old 07-14-2015, 03:52 PM
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I think you're definitely on the right road now Charlie

when I committed fully to recovery, the impossible became possible and the difficult became a lot easier

welcome to the first day of a new life

D
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Old 07-14-2015, 04:14 PM
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Great decision, glad you made it. Stick to your decision , all the way down, and don't drink no matter what . Even if you feel like your a$$ might fall off, it won't, but even if , you can do this.
Don't , no matter what, even if you want to, starve out your AV, it doesn't care about being sick and tired , starve it out and it Will get quieter and smaller.
Rooting for ya, you can Do this
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Old 07-14-2015, 04:17 PM
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Wonderful, heartfelt post Charlie. I agree - we have to reach the conclusions you mention. I knew for a long time what I needed to do - but wasn't quite ready to commit. Reading and posting helped me get ready, and I found the courage to begin my sober life. We are with you, and we know you're going to do this.
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