A timid return…
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 754
A timid return…
Somewhere around my 50th birthday, in 2010, I thought it would be a good idea to quit drinking. I “tried” on several occasions, but did not succeed. In September of 2012, I was more sincere in my efforts. I joined the September 2012 Class. I never did make it to the one year mark, but was thrilled and inspired by my classmates who did. I lost my mother and mother-in-law during 2013, and kept “falling down”. I knew my posts were unhealthy for the group, so I left SR for a while.
In September 2014, I accepted a “one year challenge”. I was doing this with a friend, so it seemed possible. About 30 days into it, I thought my friend had given up. She lives in another state, and for whatever reason, we could not connect for a while. Disheartened, I gave up too. A short while later I learned that my friend was still with it, but I had lost the drive.
So, here I am, giving it another go. Today is day 7. I know Dee will ask, “What is your plan? How will this time be different?” (Thank you, Dee!)
I acknowledge that I am not perfect; I am flawed. I am going to live in the moment and remain aware of my spiritual journey. I do not know what the future holds, but I am acutely aware of my choices today. I am not going to make a one year plan, but plan to take this one day at a time. I am going to avoid situations that put me at risk before I am ready. When devastation hits, I will remind myself that there are better ways to cope.
Last weekend I saw a beautiful display of crystal Baccarat stemware. A wave of remorse came over me, and I started to have anxiety over “forever”. I have those beautiful glasses. Will I never be able to enjoy them again? I passed by an empty case of Blue Moon in the garage. Oh no…I will never be able to have one of those again! STOP! STOP! STOP! I do not know what the future holds. But living one day at a time, guided by God, I will not drink today.
In September 2014, I accepted a “one year challenge”. I was doing this with a friend, so it seemed possible. About 30 days into it, I thought my friend had given up. She lives in another state, and for whatever reason, we could not connect for a while. Disheartened, I gave up too. A short while later I learned that my friend was still with it, but I had lost the drive.
So, here I am, giving it another go. Today is day 7. I know Dee will ask, “What is your plan? How will this time be different?” (Thank you, Dee!)
I acknowledge that I am not perfect; I am flawed. I am going to live in the moment and remain aware of my spiritual journey. I do not know what the future holds, but I am acutely aware of my choices today. I am not going to make a one year plan, but plan to take this one day at a time. I am going to avoid situations that put me at risk before I am ready. When devastation hits, I will remind myself that there are better ways to cope.
Last weekend I saw a beautiful display of crystal Baccarat stemware. A wave of remorse came over me, and I started to have anxiety over “forever”. I have those beautiful glasses. Will I never be able to enjoy them again? I passed by an empty case of Blue Moon in the garage. Oh no…I will never be able to have one of those again! STOP! STOP! STOP! I do not know what the future holds. But living one day at a time, guided by God, I will not drink today.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,352
Welcome back and congrats on a week. That is a great start.
Last weekend I saw a beautiful display of crystal Baccarat stemware. A wave of remorse came over me, and I started to have anxiety over “forever”. I have those beautiful glasses. Will I never be able to enjoy them again? I passed by an empty case of Blue Moon in the garage. Oh no…I will never be able to have one of those again! STOP! STOP! STOP! I do not know what the future holds. But living one day at a time, guided by God, I will not drink today.
I had to rethink the way I talked to myself about drinking. When you say you will never be able to enjoy those glasses you are signaling that you are missing out by giving up the booze. Imagine those glasses with something in them that doesn't take away your dignity. If you can't do that maybe get rid of them. Never having a Blue Moon again means you have escaped the cycle and all the pain that goes with it. You will never have to feel shame over yourself or your drinking again.
Last weekend I saw a beautiful display of crystal Baccarat stemware. A wave of remorse came over me, and I started to have anxiety over “forever”. I have those beautiful glasses. Will I never be able to enjoy them again? I passed by an empty case of Blue Moon in the garage. Oh no…I will never be able to have one of those again! STOP! STOP! STOP! I do not know what the future holds. But living one day at a time, guided by God, I will not drink today.
I had to rethink the way I talked to myself about drinking. When you say you will never be able to enjoy those glasses you are signaling that you are missing out by giving up the booze. Imagine those glasses with something in them that doesn't take away your dignity. If you can't do that maybe get rid of them. Never having a Blue Moon again means you have escaped the cycle and all the pain that goes with it. You will never have to feel shame over yourself or your drinking again.
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Welcome back to SR. Hope you'll join in with the Class of July 2015. Build up those accountability muscles for yourself and also help others at the same time. I look forward to getting to know you better!
Formerly Ringthedoorbell
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Georgia
Posts: 402
Benice, I totally understand what you are saying. I think the "forever" is one of the hardest thing to get over.
Like you, I too have beautiful stemware, decanters, etc. that I will personally never use again. (at leat not for wine...Perrier anyone? ;-) but in time, I hope to be able to use them for my family and others on special occasions.
If you think about it this way, it really isn't such a bad trade off....not using your crystal stemware versus your sobriety. We both know what the right choice is..at least until we feel we are able to control what might trigger a relapse.
You can make this happen; one day at a time. That is what is working for me anyway. I'm not saying it is easy, but I know you can do it if you put your mind to it.
Feel free to pm me anytime if you need to chat. Best of luck to you.
We all support you and wish you success on your journey..
Like you, I too have beautiful stemware, decanters, etc. that I will personally never use again. (at leat not for wine...Perrier anyone? ;-) but in time, I hope to be able to use them for my family and others on special occasions.
If you think about it this way, it really isn't such a bad trade off....not using your crystal stemware versus your sobriety. We both know what the right choice is..at least until we feel we are able to control what might trigger a relapse.
You can make this happen; one day at a time. That is what is working for me anyway. I'm not saying it is easy, but I know you can do it if you put your mind to it.
Feel free to pm me anytime if you need to chat. Best of luck to you.
We all support you and wish you success on your journey..
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 196
Originally Posted by silentrun 
Welcome back and congrats on a week. That is a great start.
Last weekend I saw a beautiful display of crystal Baccarat stemware. A wave of remorse came over me, and I started to have anxiety over “forever”. I have those beautiful glasses. Will I never be able to enjoy them again? I passed by an empty case of Blue Moon in the garage. Oh no…I will never be able to have one of those again! STOP! STOP! STOP! I do not know what the future holds. But living one day at a time, guided by God, I will not drink today.
I had to rethink the way I talked to myself about drinking. When you say you will never be able to enjoy those glasses you are signaling that you are missing out by giving up the booze. Imagine those glasses with something in them that doesn't take away your dignity. If you can't do that maybe get rid of them. Never having a Blue Moon again means you have escaped the cycle and all the pain that goes with it. You will never have to feel shame over yourself or your drinking again.
Last weekend I saw a beautiful display of crystal Baccarat stemware. A wave of remorse came over me, and I started to have anxiety over “forever”. I have those beautiful glasses. Will I never be able to enjoy them again? I passed by an empty case of Blue Moon in the garage. Oh no…I will never be able to have one of those again! STOP! STOP! STOP! I do not know what the future holds. But living one day at a time, guided by God, I will not drink today.
I had to rethink the way I talked to myself about drinking. When you say you will never be able to enjoy those glasses you are signaling that you are missing out by giving up the booze. Imagine those glasses with something in them that doesn't take away your dignity. If you can't do that maybe get rid of them. Never having a Blue Moon again means you have escaped the cycle and all the pain that goes with it. You will never have to feel shame over yourself or your drinking again.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Hey Benice...you and I are neighbors in sobriety. I believe I'm on Day 9. I been struggling to stay on this wagon a long time myself. I woke up last Monday knowing I had to leave crazytown but I wasn't sure I even wanted to really. And that scared me even more. That day..and every day since I have woken up each morning and said "not today". I've only been able to look at it one day at a time myself. But the funny thing about the last 8 or 9 "not today's"..they've layers into this small chunk of sobriety I'm actually quite liking. I am in no condition to give any sort of advice or anything as I haven't been able to swing success for a year yet myself...but I do know... I am get some odd little pleasure in making the CHOICE for sobriety each and every day. Maybe I'm playing little tricks on myself...but I'm giving myself the "choice" each morning..and each day so far I've come up with "not today". I too am only taking it one day at time.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
I am of the belief that as long as you still have the desire and are breathing, the opportunity to achieve your goal is still there.
The never again thing is a mental block for me as well. So I just mosey along one day at a time.
The never again thing is a mental block for me as well. So I just mosey along one day at a time.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Welcome back benice 
We've made answering 'that question' a little easier - check it out
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
D
We've made answering 'that question' a little easier - check it out
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 754
Hey Nuudawn, I remember you also! It's nice to share this restart with you. Funny, for the longest time I would wake up and make the choice of " not today" but by evening, I would change my mind! Yet, like you, somehow my mindset is different now.
I'm reading more. I'm currently reading, "The Spirituality of Imperfection". Much of it is actually bothersome to me, but some points really resonate. Especially, "attending to the present". Like earlier posts in this thread, it speaks to the now and not the fear of forever.
Dang, I got long winded again. Hope to always be just a few days behind you, Nuudawn!
I'm reading more. I'm currently reading, "The Spirituality of Imperfection". Much of it is actually bothersome to me, but some points really resonate. Especially, "attending to the present". Like earlier posts in this thread, it speaks to the now and not the fear of forever.
Dang, I got long winded again. Hope to always be just a few days behind you, Nuudawn!
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